About me.

-Matt and Nick

We are all be being played as a video game like the Sims. These are rules our masters have provided for us that we must obey.
Thou shall carry 3 barrels of coffee to Antarctica every year.
Thou shall not be Mexican.
Thou shall own 4 nerf guns, no more or no less.
Thou shall build three cubbies.
Thou must own a bicycle with three wheels, not a tricycle, a bicycle.
Thou must own 6 dresses even if you are male and must run to the the store in them store to them.
Thou must not have one Asian eye and one regular eye.
Thou shall not shake their penis after using the bathroom.
Thou may not crap in an envelope and mail it to thyself.
Thou must not have an upside down face, unless you have an upside down face.
Every Muslim must shave thy beard every 12 minutes, even tho they are Muslim and not Muslim.
Thou must be on AT&T, unless you are on AT&T.
Thou must be a male, unless you have a vagina, which makes you a shemale.
Xbox makes pregnancy disapear, even if you are pregnant, with the help of George.
Thou is not aloud to listen to country music, unless you listen to country music.
What goes down, must go up.
What goes sideways, must go up a butthole.
Gravity does not exist, unless you live in the universe, or anywhere else.
Tom Cruise
If you are tall, you are short.
If you ar short, you are a Mexian which we look down upon.
If you are black, you can only be black with white traits. Like a job and a cell phone.
Mexicans are not from Mexico, they're from Bulgeria.
There isn't a God, only God
Vroom!
MeEXXicans should wear hats.
Fat people are unatractive, unless they're fat.
You can only wipe three times after defication, then you must get your butthole licked clean.
Zombies can fly.
What goes down, must go up.
Zombies can't fly, unless they're a zombies, and if they're a zombie they can fly, unless they're a zombie.
Bob Sagget gives you milk every morning.
Get me my ointment.
The Rugrats rule all zombies, which can fly.
Chukie-E-Cheese is a zombie, which can't fly.
Zombies shop at Holister, while flying.
Zombies that can't fly, fly to American Eagle.
Fat zombies shop at the YMCA.
In Soviet Russia zombies ride you, while flying.
Zombies hate pepper, because they can't fly.
Zombies don't exist.
Dish soap is a sin.
Salmon is funny.
Trout is ugly, unless it is ugly.
Lobster, painful.
Crabs....No I won't go there.
The ocean doesn't exist.
Birds live in the ocean.
The ocean get's it color Susan Boyle's face.
Everywhere you look, everywhere you look, you got a hand to hold on to.
Your penis can't be larger than 4 inches.
The internet only exists on the internet.
Www means World Wide Web
Com means communications
Org means organization
Net means network
Egyptians are known for their wide socks.
Your headphones, must be headphones.
Unless acted upon by an outside force.
It's not December 3rd unless it is December 32nd.
D.U.I means dangerous underage infants.
ABNW
You are not aloud to hump during sex, unless on your daughters face.
Minutes actually means mothers.
Your butthole has to be magenta.
Jesus was actually a walrus incognito.
Defecation means anal intercourse.
Penus' don't exist, unless it's where a pen-us is.
Pen island is a fun place to live.
Thou shall not say “Get Up”.

These are the commandments.

Here are our stories.

Rape.