+2,656I think i'm going to freak out the people who update their status with every move they make. Girl: just at starbucks. Me: entering starbucks. Girl: at university now. Me: at some random university. Girl : on the toilet. Me: Watching someone pee. I think she might get the hint, amirite?
+547Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time... amirite?
+148What's the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. amirite?
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+262When ever you waiting for someone at a restaurant, your phone or the menu becomes very interesting, amirite?
+7Women are mostly in charge of contraceptives because the men who were left in charge are now called dad, amirite?
+4To technical support people: when people ask stupid questions, you think, but dont say, RTFMI. Read The Fucking Manual Iditot, amirite?
-2Phone numbers in America must all start with 555, as that is what every single persons number in TV shows start with, amirite?