We've got to go back! Hand me the time turner! Excellent, now, by my calculations, if we're to go back to 1937, when tom turned 11, from the present time, 1980, with one hour's time reversal for each turn, we shall need to turn this timeturner a total of 464,280 times! Let's go!
One........Two........Three.........Four.........Five.......Six..........Seve- Oh, fuck it! Let's just hope some prophesied chosen one comes along and takes him out or something.
"What is it, James Lily Cedric Sirius Emmeline Amelia Albus Hedwig Alastor Rufus Dobby Colin Fred Nymphadora Remus Severus Potter?"
Fine, then. How about a gun? Seriously, how badass would that final confrontation have been if Harry walked up and Tom was all
"Now, Potter, once and for all, you di-"
and then Harry pulled out a glock and was like
"Avada Kedavera, motherfucker BAM"
For fuck sake, if it's that difficult to lift up a motherfucking toilet seat, SEE A MOTHERFUCKING DOCTOR! What next? Are you gonna bitch about how he always leaves the door closed so that your delicate, feminine, god damn fragrant fucking rose hands have to turn an entire motherfucking knob and pull a WHOLE DOOR open? Shut the fuck up about something so minor. Honestly, you're burning more energy typing this shit here complaining about it than it takes to fix the problem 100 times. Also, do YOU always leave the seat UP for the guys? DIDN'T THINK SO! So how about this. Next time I see your bloody pads or tampons just laying there on top of the garbage, I glue THEM to YOUR face! Sound good? NO?! Then shut the motherfucking hell up about the god damn toilet seat!
"WE ARE BEAUTIFUL STRONG PEOPLE AND DEMAND EQUAL RIGHTS! FOR FAR TOO LONG YOU HAVE KEPT US DOWN, WHETHER IT BE OPEN SEXISM OR QUIET JUDGEMENT UNFAIRLY ROBBING US OF OPPORTUNITIES! WE DEMAND TO BE TREATED LIKE EQUALS, YOU ARCHAIC, PRIMITIVE DOGS!"
"Ah..... You know, you're absolutely right. It is completely unfair what we do to you. Bill, I want you to start writing me drafts of new gender equality laws immediately."
"You want me to make it so you're treated completely the same as men?"
"YOU HEARD US! WE DEMAND FULL RESPECT, YOU IGNORANT NEANDERTHAL!"
"Very well, when these laws I'm writing take effect, you'll be treated exactly like us. You'll even be able to be called for the draft"
".... WE ARE GORGEOUS, INDEPENDENT FLOWERS WITH OUR DIFFERENCES FROM MEN AND DESERVE TO BE TREATED AS SUCH, YOU PRIMORDIAL SLIME!"
"Brb, gotta take a shit <3"
This is by far my favorite description of that speed! Though, I'd have gone a bit more extreme with the language. Something like:
"You're watching your childhood dreams die in HD"
I do believe this is one of the single most epically awesome sentences I've ever read
"George swears he got a bogey flavored one once!"
Then, following your logic, it should also be true that the only people who call plumbers plumbers are plumbers.
"By gosh, my body just seems to have an insatiable craving for a most succulent hamburger! I'm just so irresistibly drawn to that item on your menu, I feel as though I'd be going amiss without it!" "Very well, sir, shall that be cash or I.Q.?" "Oh, regrettably, I'm currently at a bit of a loss cash-wise. I do believe I shall tap in to my abundant Intellectual Quotient reserve, my good man!"
"10 minutes later"
"I hope you enjoyed your burger! Have a good day, sir!" "HNUUUUUUUUUUR DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR drools"
Not me! I'm been trying to figure out what the fuck that little pink abortion from hell has been saying for years! Jigglyruff? Wigglystuff? Pigglyrupstup twenty three skidoo?! FUCK! This shit is like it's in another language!
Yeah! Shit like that is almost as annoying as when you buy a yacht, a mansion and a summer home and STILL have a ton of fucking money in your bank account!
Also, the avatar state combines your power with all the avatars before you, so just imagine him/her going into the state. It'd be like: "Look out! I'm becoming exactly as powerful as I was before!"
I'm rereading them all and so far my favorite scene to reread came at the end of GoF. I've discussed this with someone else, but having already read the entire series, it was just so emotionally heavy to go back and read the moment when it all went to hell. The moment Fudge could have stepped up and headed Tom off before anything too horrible happened, but stood and did nothing. The line that gets me the most from that scene is, "We may still be able to save the situation" Fred, Dobby, Lupin, Tonks, Moody, Colin, Dumbledore, Emmeline Vance, Snape and so many more all could have lived had Fudge done what needed to be done right then and there. It's just really amazing looking back on it like that and it makes me a bit angry that they left such an incredibly crucial point of the war out of the film. This wasn't a pointless scene of Harry in charm's class, it was the moment that forever changed the Harry Potter world.