Christmas is so close, you can almost smell the mistletoe that you will never be kissed under.

Your mother however...

It would suck if Santa Claus really didn't exist and it was just our parents putting gifts under the tree every year, amirite?

Thank goodness we all know that's untrue

The reason Santa is so jolly is because no one cares how naughty HE is during the year, amirite?
What is up with all of these internet aliases? Pedo_Bear, Chris_Hansen, Santa_Claus, Billy_Mays... Did I miss a memo or something? amirite?

Exactly! I have no time to have a life with all these presents to make and deliver!

Santa_Claus would get more views if he got involved in the chris_hansen/ pedo_bear war, amirite?

Guess who's on the Nice list this year!

The only reason why Santa is fat is because every Christmas each household leaves a plate of cookies and a glass of milk for him to enjoy, amirite?

All those cookies and glasses of milk keep me going for the rest of the year.

Wikileaks for kids: Santa is not real, amirite?

Damn Wikileaks...

If Santa was real, then how come you've never gotten or heard of anybody getting coal for Christmas. You have to know at least one bad person, amirite?

Do you know how expensive coal is?

You kinda wonder if Santa Claus changes clothes when he gets to the other side of the world or if he just freezes in shorts and a t-shirt/ burns up in a long shirt and pants, amirite?
Santa should have an email address by now, amirite?

Do you believe everything you watch on tv?

Santa Clause is a horrific slave labor enthusiast who only gives shiny new things to people who he sees fit to deserve them, amirite?

It's not slave labour if you call them elves.

It's awkward when you go downstairs on Christmas Eve and catch your mom making out with Santa Clause. It's even worse when you tell your dad and Santa books it and accidentally runs over your grandmother. amirite?

I am soooo sorry.

creationism is a lot like Santa Claus: Although there is a different theory with much more evidence supporting it, some people still believe in it because it would be really cool if it was true, amirite?

It would be cool wouldn't it.