This bio is dedicated to [generic name of another user here]
[generic name of another user here] is my lover
[generic name of another user here] makes my nipples firm, etc.
TO CLARIFY: I AM NOT WATSATROLL/BANE. DO YOU HEAR ME? WE ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON. THAT SEEMS TO BE AN ISSUE.
Formerly: StelioKontos / Watsatroll / Knight / Mrs_Styles / MunchyMan / MysteryMan / twilight_4_evaaaa / God_the_Almighty / BowlOfCole / S3rgio / Crispiest / Breakfeastfan (Not the real Breakfastfan, sorry) / More that I cannot remember.
I've been banned twice. Twice, I've come back from the dead. That's twice as many times as Jesus, but who's counting? I've also stopped giving a shit, so expect to see me banned sometime soon.
I am a
member leader of the fun squad. Copy paste this to your profile if you're a member.
If you're wondering why I stopped following you, it's because I hate you and everything you stand for.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~
Political Views: I'd say about half of amirite has one of these at this point, so I decided to hop on the bandwagon and show mine too: http://ctrlv.in/120816
Religious Views: I am a Matthewian. I believe God created the Earth and universe, and that he did it last Thursday. I am against all of science, evolution, and all that it stands for. If you believe your ancestors had sex with apes or some shit, feel free to believe that, but do not say that about my ancestors. All my ancestors bread with members of the same race and religion of the opposite sex, as my amazing father, God, had intended, which leads me to the second part of the Matthewian religion, which is that I also believe I am the second coming of Christ. I don't go to school because of this, as when you are the Messiah, every day is a religious holiday. If you don't believe me, that's OK, have fun burning in Hell for all of eternity though. (Or, at least until Heaven and Hell are united, then you live on a broken Earth. But we'll get to that part later.) I also believe that the end of the world is coming soon, as God sent me a vision whilst I was on ecstasy recently telling me to ready the Christians for the rapture. The user Bane also is named Matthew, and this is just too weird to be a coincidence, so he must have been sent to gather the lost souls who don't believe in Matthewism to approach the gates of Hell and storm the Devil, overthrow the underworld, and reunite Heaven and Hell in a clash that shall complete the 5th Prophecy of David. This devil, however, is not your everyday devil, no sir. This devil is a goffik. Yes, you heard me right, this is a goffik devil to be dealt with. This is the devil of all devils: this is Ebooby Dark'ness Dememtia
Raven (TARA) Way, or, as I like to call her, Rhea. She is the cause of all nightmares, reason of all burden, mother of the goffiks. She stared out a simple satinits, but eventually became the satinits of all satinitses, and eventually went on to overthrow Satin himself. The lost souls will be forced to return to a broken Earth, battle scarred and fatigued, to live a life of suffering while the believers flourish in the newly created Hellven with the twin Matthews of prophecy. The Matthewian religion also preaches male superiority, and all females practicing Matthewism (It will be required by law to practice this religion soon) will be forced to stay home, quit their jobs, and be servants to the male superiors, where, if the male says the wife was sufficient in providing for him, she can make it to Heaven where she will serve all the males there alongside the elite team of servants (Which is made up of the special few females to make it to Hellven) for all of eternity. They all must also practice nudity ever Wednesday, as an offering to the great Matthews of lore. The only female exempt from these laws is the famous Lily of Kroger, seeing as she is the goddess of Matthewism. This is all because of one guy named Vagina who laughed in the face of Matthewism. Obviously, this means penis > vagina, ergo man > woman. Also, sorry, ladies, lucyjoan has already accepted the role as my wife/eternal slave.
Now listen up and listen good. This website should not be taken lightly. I take it incredibly seriously, so don't make it a bad experience. I can't stand trolls. I take it so seriously I've become addicted to improving my average post and comment scores; for every downvote I receive, I cut myself another time. Don't be the reason I go too far. My favorite part of amirite, however, is not improving my average scores: its how open-minded everyone is: all you have to do is be a pro-gay, pro-choice liberal and they're incredibly kind and understanding. They're very level-headed in debates, just as long as you agree with them. I also love the strictness of the rules, it makes amirite a much more fun and relaxed place when everything is strictly modded. However, for this same reason, be careful to not anger any mods or admins, as they can ban you with little to no warning simply because they don't like you (I've never been banned thankfully, but I've heard stories.) The mod team also works very hard to make sure amirite is as fun as possible; they do this by making sure trolls don't bother the amirite elite, so please be sure to thank them every time you get the chance. If you go to chat often enough you will eventually get POTD and probably become a mod for a bit (it could almost be called a popularity contest, that way Anthony knows the amirite community as a whole likes the mods, not just a small group of elites!), no matter the quality of your posts, so be sure to keep this in mind! The majority of this site's community is very relaxed and typically has a great sense of humor. They don't take themselves too seriously, and can typically refrain from thinking they're more important then you, or, for that matter, more important then they actually are. I also really like the POTD, but feel some users have gotten far too few. Actionman is a prime example. I feel that he has been robbed of getting POTD far too many times to go unnoticed, and that this is one of the greatest injustices in the history of mankind. In fact, I am shocked to the core every time I see a POTD not posted by Actionman.
If you disagree with me on any of my posts: Don't bother hitting the "No way" button since I am obviously right and you are obviously wrong. If you do this and do not later PM me a long letter explaining the reasoning behind it in at least 45 minutes, in proper block letter format, I will follow you just to unfollow you, NW all your posts and comments, block you, and report you, as you are not helping me to improve my posts and are simply being a burden on everyone around you, which is probably why nobody ever has or ever will love you.
If you say anything is wrong with my posts: I will block you for being mean. That's just rude; there's a NW button for a reason.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~
I hate travelling and leaving my house (no that's not a metaphor for life, I just hate people.)
I have a small ego. That's because my mother never loved me...I have far too many forum posts to be considered anywhere near normal...I take Amirite? mafia way too seriously...
These are the sentiments of a warm blooded optimist, so believe me when I say I would love nothing more than for everything to end rather pleasantly and with a bit of tea.
My posts and comments used to be my About Me then I realized it was silly to call posts and comments an About Me.
Sometimes, in awkward silences, I shout "I like pickles! And bananas! And all fruits whose shapes that vaguely resemble male genitalia!"
✔ I'M SINGLE BUT INSTEAD OF CHECKING THAT I'M GOING TO USE THIS NEW OPTION AS AN EXCUSE FOR NOT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP OK IT IS NOT MY FAULT I AM VERY LOVEABLE OH GOD LOVE ME.
Hai i probably love you also 8=======D
~~~ LOOK ITS HAPPY SPERM OMG
Pickles are as yummy as potatoes, and potatoes are as yummy as raw horse semen mixed with shit and uncooked meat, which is as yummy as uncooked Hitler Testicles mixed with Stalin Semen, put in a blender, and chickens are good at being dinosaurs.
That just about sums up how normal I am...
Sometimes when there are a lot of people around me I pretend I'm a carrot until they leave.
You should be afraid to message me I do bite so just don't even bother chances are I don't wanna talk to you.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~
1.) "You're nothing like watsatroll. He makes funny jokes and accepts reason. You're a jackass."--OnePiecepkm. ily too bro <333
2.) "Also, you have a nice nose."-Rhea. FANGZ!
3.) "Matt you really have the cutest nose."-Lily
4.) "Matt you are sexalicious."-Lucy
5.) "Sergio is...better than Bane."-Bane
6.) "Getting fucked in the ass and drinking shit and blood covered semen is not a good problem." -Blake
7.) "Well then why don't you just produce the drink in another guy's anus?" -Blake
8.) "You want me to ask him if he has a massive penis?"-Blake
9.) "Well you can walk. You can overcome all these struggles to get to lucy's party."-Lucy
10.) "I'm confused. NO! WAIT! Maybe I'm not. NO! Yes. YesI am... NO! YES! NO!...what?"-B10ckH34d
11.) "And is it okay to suggest your own post ONCE? I've never done it, but I've made three or four I think are deserving of POTD but never gotten it, so should I suggest them?"-B10ckH34d
12.) "Actually sergio I googled that just now and that is in fact how all the genocides of all time started. "-Bane/Watsatroll
13.) "I would make a noose out of razor wire, put it around my neck and climb onto a chair. Then, I would glue my hands to my head and jump off. It would cut my head off with my hands still attached and look like I ripped my own head off. Cool, huh?"-Bane/Watsatroll
14) "I apologize for sergio he can be insensitive sometimes. I think this is a great post and I definitely agree with it. See how much of a kissass I sound like? Multiply that by ten and it's you"-Bane/Watsatroll
Favorite Users: If you don't make this list it is not because I forgot you. It is not because I like you, but you aren't my favorite. It is because I hate you and everyone you care about. There is no in between. Do not make excuses for yourself. This is strictly personal. I cannot express how much I utterly despise every user not on this list. Including you. Especially you.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~
If you have any ideas for stuff I should add to this wonderous bio, please send them to me in a message so I can utterly and completely ignore them.
To be continued...