Anyone who's an atheist just hasn't heard of Pascal's Wager, amirite?

I wager on the existence of the Abrahamic god
I pick the wrong version of him, and the correct version sends me to hell

I instead decide to believe in all religions
The real god is pissed that I didn't only believe in him
I burn in hell

I wager to believe in the Christian god
I'm right
He can read my thoughts and knows I only did it to try to avoid hell
I burn until the end of time

It's kind of annoying how everyone is suddenly jumping on the Hunger Games bandwagon because of the movie. amirite?

I will never understand you humans. "The thing I like is getting the recognition it deserves and other people really enjoy it too. This SUCKS."

You wonder what songs they're going to rape with autotune next. "Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are-are-are-are-are-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re, dirty bit...", amirite?
@DavidSedano Rock-a my babyyy-yyy-yyy ohhh-ohhh babyyyyy on the tree-eee-eee-ee toooooooooop

When the wind blows, the beat will drop drop drop drop dropdropdropdropsropsropdrop dirty bit.

There should be a class in elementary school that teaches you what your rights are, amirite?

"Now what do we say, class?"
"I do not consent to any searches, officer."
"Very good!"

Some people think women have too many emotions to be president. That's stupid because women are masters of psychological warfare. Rather than blow up our enemies, a woman president would mind-fuck them and convince other countries to hate them. They'll sit around wondering what the hell just happened and when they ask why we're mad at them, we won't tell them. Amirite?
@StickCaveman I'm just fighting a stereotype with another stereotype. Please don't take this post seriously.

And it was hilarious. Only thing I'd change is that America would say "I'm NOT mad at you."

Everyone who supported slavery was free. Everyone who supports abortion is alive, amirite?
@thatsjustmii Excellent point

Other excellent points: everyone who supports hunting was not a deer.

Everyone who supports eating broccoli is not broccoli.

Everyone who supports abortion can own a bus our wear a hat.

You were pissed after reading The Hunger Games Mockingjay at the end when Katniss ended up with Haymitch, and Peeta and Gale went gay and ended up together, amirite?
@runnerdude Jesus dies.

Jesus is his own father.

I should ask her to marry me when I get back from Iraq, amirite?

I think you skipped the possibility of him being a horse somewhere in there.

Anyone who's an atheist just hasn't heard of Pascal's Wager, amirite?
@Suzywao I wager on the existence of the Abrahamic god I pick the wrong version of him, and the correct version sends me...

I could say the same thing. You do not understand Islam and you will go to Hell unless you reject Christ and accept Allah.

You were damaged by the media forcing images of Islamic terrorism upon you from a young age, and brainwashed to believe in Christ by your parents, which repelled you from The True Lord. Maybe you should see a therapist so you can become less deluded.

You won't believe that, so why should I believe you?

I should ask her to marry me when I get back from Iraq, amirite?

How the hell should I know?

When you seriously consider the possibility that there's no afterlife, that after we die we just become nonexistent, life suddenly seems much more valuable, amirite?
@lilobama This post is one of my worst fears. I feel like there has to be an afterlife, but scientifically, it is impossible...

I was afraid of dying for a long time, since I do not believe in the afterlife. I'm not sure if this will help you, but the logic in it helped me a lot.

"If I am, death is not. If death is, I am not. Why should I fear that which cannot exist when I do?"

I think a lot of the fear around death is in the thinking that you will be able to perceive what is happening, but you will not. After you are dead you will not be in pain, you will not be afraid, you won't have time to think "oh shit, I'm dead, this is awful, I've left so many things unsaid." You will just cease to be, that's it.

To [verb] the [animal] - Congratulations, you've just created a metaphor about masturbating! amirite?
@monstrosity After running a crapload of verbs and animals in my head for much longer than I should have, I finally found one...

I'm so glad I wasn't the only one who tried to find one that didn't work.

'To drown the naked mole rat? No.. spank the monkey? Damnit no, that's a known one, keep it together man!'

Sometimes, you don't even know why you're on the internet. amirite?

"It's four o'clock in the morning. Why on earth are you on the internet?"
"Because I've lost control of my life."

People are starting to get way too creative with their smilies nowadays, I mean how the fuck am I supposed to figure out what ;0bd means? Are you happy? Shocked? Constipated? At least clarify for those who aren't as fluent in screen-to-face conversations by adding (amused, but at the same time slightly irritated by the sarcastic nature in which you wrote your response) or something afterwards, amirite?

I think ;0bd is someone winking with a really big nose licking a baseball cap.

You like the red and pink starbursts more than you like the yellow and orange ones, amirite?

I completely thought the trash can was a cupcake..