+2,724The real reason many gay men choose to stay in the closet so long is because they have to find the perfect outfit to come out in, amirite?
+514Daoism: Shit happens. Hinduism: This shit happened before. Buddhism: When this shit happens, is it really shit? Islam: If shit happens, take a hostage. Catholics: if shit happens, I guess I deserved it. Atheist: There is no shit going on. Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me? Jehovah’s Witness: Knock, knock, shit’s happening on your door-step, amirite?
+438I saw a black kid running down the street wearing Nikes and holding a huge tv in his arms. For a second I thought it was mine, but then I remembered: mine wears Adidas. amirite?
+3,802I like turtles because they're so chill. They don't hurt anyone. They're just like, "Hey man, I want to swim, and maybe eat some lettuce. But I'm gonna take my time getting there, I'm not in a rush. Because I'm a turtle." amirite?
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+486Only in Grand Theft Auto can you shoot a cop in the head and then hide behind a bush for 10 seconds and they call off the whole search for you. Amirite?
+596It sucks when you have a button up shirt and the gaps in between the buttons are so big that you have to choose between looking like a Mormon and looking like a cheap whore, amirite?
+14You are capable of doing anything in the world while you're listening to "Eye of the Tiger", amirite?
+32Amirite: "Hey Joe, that was a really funny joke
in factit made my day!" Joe: "Thank you!" Amirite: "Did you make it up?" Joe: "No, actually my frien--" Amirite: "Fuck off.", amirite?
+270People in the bathroom: If the doors are locked chances are someone is in it. So that doesn't mean keep trying to push the door open or poke your head under the stall to see if someone is in it. Just go to a different one! amirite?
+523Oh you remember when an Apple was just a fruit? Well that's funny because you're 15 and Apple has been around since the 70's, amirite?