You suck at consoling people because you're too realistic, amirite?

"It's okay. We're all going to die anyway," sounds a lot worse when you don't respawn, apparently.

My last words will be either "I wonder what this does..." or "no, you put YOUR gun down.

"No! Not my face! NOT MY FACE!"

Greatest man in history, named Jesus, had no servants, yet they called him Master. Had no degree, yet they called him Teacher. Had no medicines, yet they called him Healer. He had no army, yet kings feared Him. He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him..... He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today. amirite?
It's pretty awkward when you and your friends all agree to do something together (going to the gym, getting the latest video game, starting the apocalypse) and you're the only one that actually tries/does it.
@Len Even though it doesn't matter too much, this post is mildly better due to you being "The_Zombies".

Thanks, I suppose.

The story behind this is that I was the only zombie on Earth that actually attempted to start the apocalypse. I think.

I aimlessly wandered the streets of Paris that misty dawn, searching for victims and for my own end. I had fully expected about a hundred other zombies right behind me, perhaps not searching for death, but still itching to fight. Yet, I was the only zombie in the entire city. And before long, I realized that the city was ignoring me. It was disregarding me, with my incoherent babbling, screams of frustration, and repeated attacks on homeless people seemingly not causing a dent in anyone's day-to-day actions. Except the homeless people.

Finally, the police arrived. I was arrested just before I could deliver a death blow, and I was carted off to a holding cell. There, I waited. For what I waited, I did not know.

Soon after, the French courts put their first zombie on trial for assault. I was found guilty and sentenced to twenty years.

I smashed my head apart on the inside of the cell, dying quickly but respawning back at zombie base camp. By the time I got back, it was far too late. The 2012 Apocalypse Attempt had failed spectacularly.

The CDC actually has a contingency plan for a real life Zombie apocalypse, which makes me think that zombies are real.

We are.
You'd better watch out, you'd better not cry, you'd better not pout, I'm telling you why...
http://ctrlv.in/150136
Santa Claus, and his bloody army, are coming to town! Eventually.

Greatest man in history, named Jesus, had no servants, yet they called him Master. Had no degree, yet they called him Teacher. Had no medicines, yet they called him Healer. He had no army, yet kings feared Him. He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him..... He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today. amirite?
What's with all this fascination with zombies? A walking mannequin or dead person has absolutely no interest for me. Did it start with Michael Jackson's "Thriller?" I never did understand that one, either.

The sensation started when people were still terrible at burials. They thought people crawling out of their shitty graves (after they were buried alive) were the living dead.

The REAL fun began when Ununpentium was weaponized!

Death doesn't have to be all gloomy and sad. There's peace and beauty in death too, amirite?

There's beauty and peace... unless you're a zombie. Mortals don't know how lucky they are.

It's rather misleading when people act like things can only spiral downwards in life, you can gain momentum towards a better life in the same ways you can gain momentum towards a worse one, but as per usual people focus on the negatives, amirite?

It's difficult to see an upside to life when, no matter what path you take, you're given even greater punishment and even fewer rewards. I feel every day like my actions are futile. I predict more suffering, and more suffering is exactly what I get.

You always wash your face before sleeping, amirite?

I usually have a new one by the time I go to sleep.

With all of the unnatural food we see today, we wonder if we are really eating what the package says we're eating, amirite?

It's only a matter of time before the human flesh we consume is required to have an ingredients list included, as well as "CONTAINS WHEAT AND SOY. PROCESSED ON SHARED EQUIPMENT WITH TREE NUTS AND PEANUTS."

Food sounds good right now

Yes. Food. Let's go get some.

Apparently The Zombies think this fight is over. Like hell it is motherfucker!

The fight is never over. I never believed such a thing.

No one really gets what it's like to be immortal. They just say they want to live forever, but never really think about what that means in the long term. It's like playing a video game on the same save file and never stopping, ever. You've hit the level cap, you've become a god amongst men. Every dragon is slain, every quest and place is conquered. Then what? You want to stop playing? You can't, because you're immortal. Every being deserves a point at which the game ends.
Being jobless is worst job ever!!

Being a zombie, forced through innumerable lives and deaths to fight for a nonexistent, meaningless cause, with your only reward being the same pain and suffering you've endured for countless years... That's the worst job.