Looks like the tortoise finally lost a race.
Oh god, please don't have kids D:
Also Peter's head has exploded a few times but he's still alive.
What an odd thing to make a post about.
"I'll listen for him by pressing my ear onto this thing door... Oh crap! He stabbed my ear through the door! Who could have seen that coming?!"
Eat more fiber?
I have a friend named Dick Cummings.
"IT IS PREDICTED IN SIXTY YEARS OR SO SURGICAL TECHNIQUES WILL REPLACE THE NERVOUS SYSTEM WITH COMPUTERS AND WE WOULD BE ABLE TO TRANSFER OUR CONSCIOUSNESS ONTO MICROCHIPS AND LIVE AS CYBORGS. AWESOME, AMIRITE?"
If HE is a girl, I think he has bigger issues to worry abouy.
Metaphor for religion?
Re-didly-iculous. It's more Christian.
All the cool people are in Hell.
Why would eating a cookie make you feel guilty? Did you steal it? Go give the owner their cookie back and apologize.