Hello, yes, welcome.
You’re probably here because you saw that post of mine about the pickled onions and the slimy jester, right?
Oh, you didn’t? Well then I recommend you scroll through all my posts looking for it right away.
I made up a drinking game for my amirite profile where you take a drink whenever you see something witty or intelligent. I stopped the game though, because people were complaining that it was severely lowering their alcohol tolerance to drink so little.
Which I think is a weird thing to complain about.
The day I was born was November 15th (at the time it was a Thursday), if you would like to get me a birthday present then that is the best day to give me it.
As I looked around, I saw that everybody seems to be starting some description of amirite faction, and so I decided to make my own, so far it's just me, and I'm not accepting applications.
It is called TRUUNINJA... it's not an acronym, it's just my username.
I don’t have a favourite internet meme, but if I did, this paragraph would say “My favourite internet meme is” and then it would say what my favourite internet meme was, and you’d go “Oh, that’s truuninja’s favourite meme, wonderful, now I know the thing that I came onto his profile to find out.” Because amirite profiles are the best places to put an unnatural amount of superfluous information that most people couldn’t really care less about.
Here are some things I like:
-Making a predictable joke
-Referring to someone’s mother outside of sexual contexts to confuse them
-Writing amirite bios with lists on
-Putting subliminal messages in my amirite bio
-Professional cover bands
-To move it move it
...and many more!
(The things that are extra fun, I’ve written in red)
I came when I heard you'd beaten the Elite Four.
You might be surprised to hear that I don’t believe in the theory of evolution, but unlike everyone else who doesn’t believe in evolution, I don’t believe in it because I know for absolute fact it’s not true. How? Well because it was me who invented the theory of evolution to cover up what really happened (which no, was not creationism).
As it turns out, life on earth is a direct result of the time I gathered a small group of each of the animals ever to walk the earth, and I took them back to the time before life in my time machine (that is how you spell machine) and just left them there, then I planted various pieces of evidence to deter people from knowing I’d done it (this was partly because dinosaurs never existed, but people in my time (that’s you) needed to believe that they did otherwise I would break time).
Also I think I left my phone there, so if anyone finds that it would be hugely appreciated if you’d return it to me at your earliest possible convenience.
It is my philosophy to use the word "never" as and when I feel it’s necessary.
Censorship! Cunt yeah!
Have you ever put thousands of pictures of antelopes onto a memory stick and left it lying around for someone to find?
Some of the parts in my about me have a pretty clear point; this isn’t really one of them.
I make amirite posts by post, because I haven’t really got the hang of the internet just yet, so I just post letters to my favourite mod whenever I have a post to make, and they pop it onto my account.
I won’t get into how I make comments.
My momma always said “Life is like a box of chocolates”, she would then proceed to eat a box of chocolates with a crazy look in her eye whilst saying “Look! Look at mummy! I’m eating your life!”
So yeah... My issues are pretty complex.
I steal all my jokes from the comment sections of porn websites.
I am one of those amirite attention whores, you know the ones? The people who, rather than come up with creative posts and responses, use a pathetic gimmick, to make them more “recognised”. The people who, whenever you go onto the PotD, you can expect to see a comment from them, that is the same as the comment they made on the previous PotD except they changed the word “butter” to “Italy” because the post is about Italy and not butter.
I’m also very indecisive, which means that my gimmick changes between each post, comment and anything else I make on amirite.
My other account has a much more consistent gimmick, every morning he makes a post quoting a single word from the Pet Shop Boys’ song “Go West”, then he deletes it immediately, then he proceeds to comment on all the posts on the first page of the home page with a different link to said song, then immediately deletes the comments.
His average score is just over 86.
By “My other account” what I actually meant was “One of my many other accounts”, because I have several. In fact, I alone represent roughly 5/6 of the amirite community, the rest is all you guys.
That is why some of my posts have positive comments on them.
An interesting fact about me is that I can actually breathe underwater. The only problem is that when I do my lungs start to fill up with water and it causes me to faint and subsequently die, so I don’t do it very often.
Someone once made the mistake of telling me I was “random”. As a result of that I cut her arm off at the elbow, it wasn’t random of me to do that, I decided using my thought process what would be the best way to deal with the situation, and acted upon that. If I was random then it would be an astounding coincidence that every word I typed here formed into a relatively coherent paragraph.
I am also not “crazy”, I don’t have “OCD” and I’m not “addicted” to anything.
I'm a pretty strong believer in equality, so don't be surprised when I punch some child in the face for giving me attitude.
If I had to describe myself in three words I would just do an incredibly long description in the form of a game of charades, except I’d use my three words for things I couldn’t express with actions.
I'd like you to do me a favour.
Next time one of your Facebook friends posts a status which is just song lyrics, and then someone comments with the next lyrics, and then that goes on for a couple more times, I'd love it if you would comment with "At the Gay Bar, Gay Bar, Gay Bar!" then take a screen shot, upload it to ctrlv and send it to me in a message.
You absolutely don't have to, but if you did it might just make my day.
There was a time when there was a list of names in my amirite bio of users who I like, there no longer is such a list, but I still like the people.
I will add you to the list if you do not read this sentence until after reading the next one.
If you wanted to send me a message, but you weren’t sure what to say, then please tell me the funniest joke you can think of. If you can’t think of a joke, then please write me a brief story about your day in the most rhyming way you know how.
So to summarise:
I am Truuninja. Can you dig it?
(There are no subliminal messages in this bio, but thank you for looking.)
[While you've been reading this, I took a bunch of your things and put them places where you're sure you didn't leave them.]</bio>
Did you miss me?