Yes, that was infuriating when that happened. A lot of people thought we were dating. We'd even kissed once like 4 years ago. Pretty much been best friends sense we met. But now I've got myself into an even worse situation. We have both discussed our liking each other ever sense a New Year's party that we kissed at (for the second time, the first was years ago), annnd he has a girlfriend. Who lives with him. So now we're at a point where we've decided to discontinue anything physical but are slightly exploring the idea of what happened that night and how to deal with it.

by Anonymous 11 years ago

That wasn't really what I meant, since it seems that this guy sort of told you. I'm talking about the guys/girls who give hints that are really obvious, so that everyone understands, but they never actually tell you straight out what's really going on. And this, even though you know fully well what's going on, thanks to everybody else, and the fact that he/she is so obvious. Your 'relationship' with this guy though seems extremely complicated. My personal opinion is; if he says that he likes you, and you've told him you like him, but he can't leave his girlfriend, then he's not worth the trouble. Personally, I think he should have a pretty damn good reason to be going around kissing other girls (in this case you) and not telling his girlfriend, or breaking up with her. Unfortunately, the only reason to kiss another person when you're in a relationship is; none. Either you keep your lips to yourself, or you break up with your partner. Confront him. Push him up against a wall (metaphorically speaking of course), and ask him what's going on so that you can come to a conclusion to either be together or act like it didn't happen. Of course, that's just my personal opinion.

by Anonymous 11 years ago

I know what you were saying. That's exactly how it was with is, I'm saying but now I've got myself in an even more complicated situation so be careful what you wish for. The reason is we had about 3/4 of a bottle of rum each. It's not happening again, other wise I wouldn't want anything to do with him. As for why he doesn't tell his girlfriend, well... people say honesty is the best policy, but it doesn't always bring the best results, thus it's inherently flawed. He'd tell his girlfriend if she wasn't an emotionally unstable suicidal wreck. I know it's weird, but I don't believe in telling you've cheated just because it's "their right to know" and I don't mind at all that he doesn't tell. And before you ask "what if it was you?" I've been cheated on before and this is honestly how I feel because there's a difference between being a cheater and making one mistake, which is why I'm OK with the fact we kissed while he has a gf but am not doing anything else physical. We are talking. It's mutually decided that the words were sincere but the actions only happened because we were drinking and that we will work out in time what to do about "us."

by Anonymous 11 years ago

I didn't actually wish for anything. And when I wrote this post I was generally thinking of single guys/girls that just doesn't have the guts to tell you what they really feel. And yes, I wish he would tell me, not because I like him, but because I've tried basically everything else to get him to understand that it's not worth it - I'm not worth the trouble, because I'm not interested. But it's hard, because you don't want to embarass the person, and telling him you know is like confirming that he is so obvious it hurts. Because he hasn't realised that that's the case - I'm sure he knows, somewhere in his head, but refuses to admit that as well. I can see what you mean, and one little kiss might not be that big of a deal. The reason I say might be, is because it's not only a kiss though, is it? If you've both come to the conclusion that there is something more going on, it's not just a kiss, no matter how drunk you were. I'm sure you probably wouldn't have done it if you were drunk, but how fair is it that you've both admitted your feelings to one another behind his girlfriends back? If she's mentally unstable he should in that case make sure she gets help, and then break it off -

by Anonymous 11 years ago

- with her. If he's making her instability a reason to be with her, that's not fair to her or to him.

by Anonymous 11 years ago

I know my views are probably ****ed up to most people. I personally would tell if I cheated on someone, because the one time I did cheat it was because I didn't feel good about the relationship and telling my SO what I did brought light to our problem and also helped us grow as a couple and trust each other more (seems like the opposite would happen, eh?). But in other people's cases, I not only feel like it's none of my business anyway (in this case it kind of is) but I can see how in some people's situations why they aren't telling.

by Anonymous 11 years ago

I'm not saying they're f****d up, because everybody's entitled to their own opinion. I'm just questioning the reasoning behind it so that I can understand why you're thinking like you do, and also you can think about why. And if you undermine your own opinion nobody's going to believe you actually believe all that about not minding one little kiss, so don't do that. In some cases cheating can surely help a relationship re-ignite a flame, it's true, but I don't think you should start out with that attitude because it can bite you in the a**. And sometimes you simple aren't telling because it was a stupid mistake that shouldn't have happened. But when feeling are involved not only between the cheater and his/her partner, but between the two kissing, that's when you have a problem. And it seems as though you two might have such a problem on your hands. Which, as I might've mentioned, is not fair to the girl. Mentally unstable or not...

by Anonymous 11 years ago

The way I see it, it's not black and white but a lot of gray, that's why I see it sometimes OK and sometimes not. I can see how that can make it seem like I undermine my own opinion, because my thoughts for very similar situations are really different. For myself, I'm always honest because I'm selfish. It's easier for me to just tell the truth than it is to keep track of shit like that. I can see the merit in lying to protect someone's feelings, it's just not something I personally do. I agree it's not //fair// to her but I trust his decision that it's the best thing to do at this point. I see it as me and him being good friends who //could be// compatible as a relationship, but he's with someone who he's already compatible with and they are more compatible than we would be. I see the drunk kiss and agreeing to never do it again as respect to his standing relationship and to our friendship. I've entertained the idea of a romantic relationship with him, but if it ever did happen it wouldn't be a long long time down the road. I'm pretty happy for them and I like her. If it seems like I'm all over the place- I am. I'm trying to explain it to you as much as I'm trying to figure it

by Anonymous 11 years ago

out for myself. When I said "We are talking. It's mutually decided that the words were sincere but the actions only happened because we were drinking and that we will work out in time what to do about "us." I didn't mean me and him are trying to figure out how to make a romantic relationship work, but just how to make our friendship continue to work and what to do about what happened. I'm not doing anything with him but being his friend at the moment. I'm OK with him not telling her because me and him both nothing is going to happen from this- //if// it ever does it wouldn't be for a long long time, but if she knew it would make her feel even more insecure about their relationship and put an even bigger strain on it. He feels guilty, he's told me that. But he's not going to make a rash decision by saying something he can't take back. I've refrained from bringing the subject up, I've basically decided it was a drunk mistake. I know he says the actions and words were sincere but he wouldn't have done it if he wasn't drunk, and I feel the same way, but I've decided we're staying friends. I'm not sure if I'm on the same page ashim. I'm not going to talk about it until I

by Anonymous 11 years ago

've figured out exactly what I think (my thoughts are pretty contradictory at this point cuz I'm looking at every side of the situation but haven't seen into it enough yet to find consistent logic) We talked once, and that's what brought me to the point I am now. So once we both figure out where we stand on this, we'll talk again. It's a process of talking, thinking, then regrouping until we're on the same page. I stand as we're going to maintain the friendship- but I'm not sure if he is wanting to maintain the friendship, work things out with her, start something with me- I have no idea. I'll find out as soon as I've gathered all my thoughts and talk to him again. Last conversation the aim was to figure out what happened and why we did it. Now that I know his take and that and he knows my take on that, we're acting like everything is normal while we think about the next topic of conversation- what to do about it. It's complicated but beautifully simple once you detach yourself from emotion and look at how to best objectively simply deal with an emotionally complicated matter.

by Anonymous 11 years ago