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If you initiate everything in the friendship than it's not a real friendship, amirite?
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
One sided relationships exist, but that doesn't mean that a relationship can't be solid just because one side of that relationship is in charge of initiative. Becasue of the numerous things askew in my brain, I'd never leave my house or see my friends if they didn't basically drag me kicking and screaming. I know it, and they know it. Once they do get me involved, I love to cook and entertain and do anything I can for them, because I love them. They don't mind being in charge of the initiative, because they love me and they know that is what I need.
by felicity024 weeks ago
So they not only have to invite you to events, they have to drag you to them? I'm not sure what's "askew in your brain", but you ever heard the saying, "it's not your fault, but it's your responsibility?"
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
Jfc
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
Some people can be great friends but terrible about initiating or reciprocating
by Kleindarius4 weeks ago
If they don't initiate OR reciprocate then what the hell does this "friend" do?
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
I'm in a one sided friendship, we work together and live in different parts of the country, but we have each others cell phone numbers and have FaceTimed before. Usually it's just texting back and forth but I usually have to initiate conversation. It's one sided for sure, but I don't know if they think, ‘oh I'll text them today.' Sometimes it can feel awkward as I always initiate, but they always answer. I just think it's the way they are vs my personality.
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
I usually initiate with my friends. It's like a game of Tennis almost for us, I serve and they hit it back to my side and it goes on. Sometimes I make a hit that requires some actual effort to hit back and vice versa. I get that you have a problem with serving all the time which is totally valid
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
Ever considered that they may reciprocate in other areas? Like they may be terrible at making plans and checking in on you but once involved in a plan they're all in. I think you may consider a more holistic approach that considers the entire friendship rather than just one aspect. We all have different strengths and weaknesses.
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
This is a massive cope. What do you think someone thinks about you if you never initiate a conversation, invite them to anything, or ask them to do something together with you? That you never think about them, go with them at best out of obligation, and they eventually either drop you for these reasons or realize they're so lonely and desperate this is what they must accept and think that you realize it too.
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
I mean its a fact some people just dont reach out because they think if you wanted to talk to them you eoild reach out. It's just how some people are. Take it how you want. But they do exist
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
May have reasons for not reaching out too .. what that would be?
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
if theyre an introvert, theyre just naturally not going to have as much social energy and so theyre not going to reach out as much. Non introverts dont get that and assume we just dont want to hang out when actually we'd rather hang out and just chill instead of expend energy going somewhere or doing something.
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
That makes sense but after a year of initiating conversation and knowing she has no problem reaching out if she needs help. I found it better for now if she intiates conversation. If she has no problems reaching out to help, I don't see why she has problem just intimating the talks That is after telling her my feelings to her too
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
I have a friend with ADHD and depression that just works and sits at home, but is the most fun person to be around and will drop everything to come and help you with anything if asked. This person simply does not initiate with anybody for whatever reason, but when invited is always a joy.
by MaximumDay4 weeks ago
a friend isnt just someone who jumps onboard your plans. A friend, at least a good friend, is supposed to be emotional support and putting in just as much energy. What youre describing its reciprocation, its being opportunistic. and if someone feels theyre pulling the weight of the whole friendship, they ARE considering all of it, its the other person who isnt.
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
This really should not be an unpopular opinion. I will walk away from people I'm fond of if I'm carrying the overwhelming majority of the load. Still love them, but I don't need that.
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
As someone who's almost always the initiator of plans and messages, I can guarantee you that you not saying anything is a whole lot worse as far as lowering their opinion of you
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
Well, thankfully I have great friends who understand me and reach out. I'd like to think they don't have a low opinion of me. But thanks for the insight. It's something I'm always working towards improving. It can be harder to reach out for some than it is for others.
by Gmills4 weeks ago
then
by leliarenner4 weeks ago
This is why at the age of 32 I have just lost all of my friends, my wife is my best friend since we met so I've got that haha.
by Daughertyfreder4 weeks ago
Then there's two guys who don't need to see each other for 2 years and then catch up like nothing happened. I just did this with a buddy. I will say I have friends that I do talk to every day and it's reciprocated
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
Some friends have more ideas than others. Some friend are just initiators. We wait for these friends because they have all the good ideas and energy to organize things. The wedding planners of the world...
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
For sure. My friend group has one friend who has literally never initiated anything, but she's a ride-or-die who will be there for whatever is planned, and is always very enthusiastic when plans are being made.
by Ok_Excitement4 weeks ago
I don't think Op is saying you have to make plans to show you care. Just a call/text can be enough to show you were thinking about the person.
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
My take on this is that it's irrelevant. You can reach out consistently to maintain the relationship, or, you can just not have a relationship, which, i would argue is worse. Maybe bring up that you feel like you always have to initiate if you understandably don't like it, but like, what are you gonna do, just let the relationship die because a 2 second text every couple weeks was too much for yoy?
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
I have really bad social anxiety even with people I'm close to, so initiating plans and conversations is harder for me. It's just how we are. That doesn't mean I don't care about them
by Good_Discipline92834 weeks ago
How is that unpolpular opinion
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
Disagree. I will never invite you anywhere but bet your ass I will defend and protect you to the death of me.
by Proof-Pea4 weeks ago
Sorry but... Then then then thenthenthenthen
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
You just need to talk to your friend True friends can go years without talking and catch up where they left off. One person there just has different needs really especially if you get on well. I see this opinion very often
by felipa504 weeks ago
I consider myself fairly popular, whenever I ask people for a drink or to hangout, throw a party etc I'm never short of takers. But god damn if I don't do the initiating I'd probably never see 95% of them ever again!
by lrutherford4 weeks ago
Yeah, this is something I'm not okay with either. I'll calmly bring it up to them. If they apologize but nothing actually changes, or they get defensive, then I reevaluate the friendship and put my focus elsewhere.
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
Not unpopular
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
not unpopular i think, this makes sense
by Vcrooks4 weeks ago
This is true. I have a guy who, literally for the last few years has always been the one to try to initiate getting together for lunches and texting and calling and wanting to simply hang out. Never me. I am not his friend for sure. At least I don't want to be his friend the way he wishes we could be. His lack of self-awareness is somewhat entertaining to me.
by Anonymous4 weeks ago
You go to lunches and casually hang out and you don't think you're friends? That's just terrible what a fake person you are
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