Going dutch on a date should be the norm and anyone who disagrees is a freeloader, amirite?

I always offer to pay, but I also only do coffee on a first date. It's short, quick, no pressure. Just chat and see if there is a mutual attraction.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Seriously. I've had a successful dating life but dinner doesn't come into play until we've gotten to know each other(or been intimate). I'm not trying to get stuck at dinner with someone I may end up not liking then just have to sit there with them until dinner is done. No, drinks of some sort at first is quick and easy.

by Lloydcormier 2 weeks ago

Dudes will use "I'll take you to a fancy dinner" as the reason a woman should date them then get all surprised Pikachu when she expects him to pay

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

No surprise these people always get screwed over and have unsuccessful dates. Anyone that demands that kind of date is not worth anyone's time or money. A lot of men do this stuff because they see idiots on the internet shaming men for not taking them on dates with a certain price range

by Haaggrady 2 weeks ago

If someone insists on a date more than a cup of coffee and it being on your dime than more than likely they are not worth your time.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I think a dinner date is fine if you actually know the person beforehand. Like if she's your classmate or coworker or a friend of a friend you've met. But it's a bad idea to do anything more than coffee or something simple with someone from online who you've never met in person before. Major red flag if a girl wants to go to a fancy restaurant and you've never even met her before.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Exactly this should be the standard like 5 star restaurants are family and girlfriend/wife treatment only not a random girl screw that

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

This is the way. Guys, never do a fancy first date where reservations and whatnot are needed. If you go to a coffee shop or bar and she doesn't show up or it doesn't work out, it's not as big of a hit financially and not as humiliating of they don't show up. It's also less formal and like a job interview

by Greedy_Scar 2 weeks ago

And it's coffee. Like I'll pretty much grab a coffee with anyone and can drink it quickly if I am not interested. More than that for a first date is absurd.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Yeah, way easier to bounce early or stay later depending on how things are going

by Greedy_Scar 2 weeks ago

Coffee and walk is the best first date

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

As a Dutch woman, I agree. It's sweet if the other person offers to pay, but 50/50 is totally reasonable on a first date.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

All of the Dutch women that i dated insisted on paying 50/50.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Weird, I've dated two who strangely were always in the bathroom whenever the check comes

by Capable-Try-9901 2 weeks ago

Could be a coincidence, women often like to go by the washroom before leaving a place to freshen up. Usually the best time for it is when you're done eating and waiting for the check.

by Caterinafeest 2 weeks ago

No way this is some kind of trap. Because after we ate, i waited for a while for her to freshen up and come back before I ask for the bill. But she only got up when I asked for the bill!

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Or you might've been waiting for that and they were enjoining after dinner conversation and your company. The Dutch word "uitbuiken" comes to mind, if we're going Dutch :p, it's really hard to translate but it comes down to sitting for a while relaxing letting the food digest feeling a bit sluggish after eating. They might just not wanna leave the second your dessert spoon hits the empty plate. I also go to the toilet when we discuss leaving and asking for the bill and I'm Dutch so I always go Dutch, usually with a "tikkie." Sometimes I even pay on my way back from the toilet.

by Foreign_Grapefruit98 2 weeks ago

It's normal in much of Europe.

by Caterinafeest 2 weeks ago

We all look up to you… literally.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I am a man and I do like the "who picks pays" for dates. But if it is a first date and the other person doesn't at least offer to split, there is no 2nd date.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

When was the last time a woman invited you and set up a first date. The "who picks should pay" rule is parroted and yet at least in the U.S., it's men expected to invite women out on the first date.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I didn't just mean for first dates. I mean moving forward into dating that person. Sure, men will mostly pick the first date, and I am fine with paying too. As long as they offer to split. That is kinda my "test" for a first date.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

IDK where yall find men that do. I'm average looking and always the one initiating. It only becomes an issue if it is only me making plans for months.

by MarionberryPatient 2 weeks ago

thank you. This "whoever decides on date should pay" is just code for "the man should pay". Men are expected to initiate and if they dont, all the girlies and their friends would tell the girl to ditch the guy because she deserves better lol

by Shegmann 2 weeks ago

I don't think the second part is accurate. I don't think women encourage other women to dump guys because the woman is the one who initiated. But I am not a woman so idk

by xwest 2 weeks ago

Idk I'm a woman and have asked guys out before. I think the whole "women never ask dudes out" thing is more of a stereotype than reality

by RoutineDepartment464 2 weeks ago

I've never experienced nor heard from friends that this occurred but it is refreshing to hear ladies like you exist

by wintheiserbrown 2 weeks ago

Is this why its called going Dutch?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Dutch women exist?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Pls me tel me you're actually Dutch…

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

She is, I looked at her page to confirm it

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Yes I am!

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

🔥🔥

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I'll offer to pay half but I wouldn't say no to someone offering to pay for ne

by Kellyferry 2 weeks ago

This! I always offer, but if the guy insists I'm not going to fight it

by Brainschinner 2 weeks ago

I once had a guy get offended that I offered to split. People are weird

by Brainschinner 2 weeks ago

I feel like it applies to certain kinds of people. If this person is trying to find someone who they wanna get by pampering. they're gonna be annoyed that their main thing isn't allowed. Maybe in 50 to a 100 years we will reach true equality. And we can all just exist.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I think he took it as an insult to his masculinity? Also, I learned over time that he makes at least 3x more than I do, so he might've just been trying to show off I guess

by Brainschinner 2 weeks ago

You're entering the soft guy era. Drizzle drizzle

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Sprinkle sprinkle

by haleigh10 2 weeks ago

Zip it up and zip it out!

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Honestly, I REALLY appreciate when someone offers. Maybe 1 in 5 dates I go on they offer.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I do say no to the offer to be paid for and I'm very adamant about paying for myself. From my experience a lot of men who want to pay tend to have expectations from you and that's something I refuse to deal with on a first date

by LawFinancial3265 2 weeks ago

I usually try to pay too, even if they offer. But it more than often just turns into them insisting and insisting to pay. It's easier to just let them.

by Efficient-Archer-222 2 weeks ago

I wouldn't say no either. But offering to pay in itself is a good gesture.

by Cleora49 2 weeks ago

Solid take

by NiceTrainer1218 2 weeks ago

Same, and the truth is most guys offer to pay. Or refuse my offer to pay or whatever. I don't know if they deeply feel they need to on some level because of gender roles OR the idea of seeing me naked later is worth the risk that I've got worms for brains but it seems like every single time I've ever been asked out the guy asked me out with the assumption he would be paying for me.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I always offer to pay for everything once just to be nice. I'd be pissed if a tinder date actually made me pay for everything because of the obvious fake back and forth we are supposed to do.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

What does going Dutch mean when dating?

by Kavon37 2 weeks ago

Serious answer: it means each party pays their own way i.e. if she orders a drink - she pays for the drink. If he orders a steak - he pays for the steak.

by ConstantAltruistic 2 weeks ago

Ah. Thank you. That clears things up.

by Kavon37 2 weeks ago

I'm Dutch and often we pay exactly what we ordered, instead of 50/50. I've always found it interesting that people say that going 50/50 is going Dutch, when that's something that doesn't happen that often here (unless ordered very similar things). I ain't gonna pay for your cocktail sweetheart, I ordered a beer.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

It means to split the bill. Which some people take to mean 50/50 split. And that's incorrect.

by Alessandra29 2 weeks ago

Just grow and be taller all of a sudden

by Entire-Committee-192 2 weeks ago

It means each person pays for their own meal.

by zchamplin 2 weeks ago

I think it means you have to wear clogs

by Organic_Toe 2 weeks ago

You are only allowed to order stroopwaffels.

by Colliersven 2 weeks ago

Smoking weed while eating a piece of Gouda as a first date

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Waging war on the ocean and smoking a lot of weed I'm guessing

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

What the hell? I love the Dutch now!

by nelsondaniel 2 weeks ago

Riding bikes

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Something like a Dutch oven?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Wearing red pants

by Difficult-Moose 2 weeks ago

Means visiting Amsterdam

by NiceTrainer1218 2 weeks ago

As a gay guy I let the person who asked the other person out pay on the first date. So I just asked a guy out. We went out to eat, and I paid. But he's got the next one :)

by umckenzie 2 weeks ago

Honestly, I just assumed this was the norm. It makes so much sense and everyone gets to take turns being treated, which is nice!

by NinjaDue 2 weeks ago

I hate 50/50 for the reason that splitting bills is annoying. I'd rather just do it this way where we alternate. Same thing when I'm out with friends.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

It's a huge green flag if a girl offers to go Dutch, but not necessarily a red flag if they don't. If I invited I'm prepared to pay, and not push the issue. But if I get the vibe they're just there to get free food, that's a red flag for sure.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

And, conversely, if the man insists upon taking a woman to an expensive place it is tacky if he wants to split.

by SheepherderEmpty 2 weeks ago

Who are you guys dating honestly? I've never met a woman who wanted to not split. Many women see you paying for them as emotional blackmail to sleep with them or to prevent rejection. I honestly think skeezy guys have made it really easy to split. Most women will reject overt offers like gifts and what not. Maybe I'm just that good looking but most woman just want someone conversational for the first date. The only times I paid for someone is when I insisted, grabbed the check while they were in the bathroom or if I had like 3 drinks vs their one. I generally only pay when I know they make less than me or if they traveled far away. This must be a regional thing. You want a real pro-move? If you really want pay for someone just don't try to sleep with them on the first date. You'll end up looking pretty good and make sure their comfortable. I always ask for consent with stuff very early on and the very few women who didn't appreciate it I wouldn't want to date.

by AdResponsible 2 weeks ago

More conservative women almost never pay on dates in my experience. Definitely regional and cultural.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Many women see you paying for them as emotional blackmail to sleep with them And there are far more women than you seem to realize who have more traditionally "feminine" values who enjoy being taken care of. Don't fall victim to false consensus fallacy and think the cultural dating habits of your friend group is reflective of your entire gender the world over

by Capable-Try-9901 2 weeks ago

Maybe it is regional (I did my dating in MN), maybe it is generational (I am an older millenial), maybe it is who we are/how we present (for better or worse, I can't help but come across as innocent and jovial; not always an asset professionally, but it was perhaps helpful in dating), and/or maybe it is the type of women we pursued. Hard to say! I would always suggest that I would pay (say something like "I asked you out, I can get this"), but wouldn't argue if they offered to split, and paid probably 80% of the time.

by SheepherderEmpty 2 weeks ago

I once had a man "take me out" for a full seafood platter and wine, when I didn't eat seafood or drink. I got a vegetarian meal and a soda. When the bill came, he tried to split the entire bill with me and was 'so offended' that I declined to split the bill... (I paid for what I ordered only) his share was $80 and mine was $20.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I fully agree. I like my money, let's go to chipotle

by davionlemke 2 weeks ago

It's not a huge green flag if she offers to go dutch. It's a regular green flag. Not offering IS a red flag. FIFY

by NiceTrainer1218 2 weeks ago

It is very rare so the bare minimum has become an exception

by Cleora49 2 weeks ago

There are some circumstances, such as if they have a long commute, or the other party insists on a very expensive restaurant.

by Ok_Resort739 2 weeks ago

the other party insists on a very expensive restaurant. Parties should be insisting on restaraunts in their own income bracket. Nothing is more pathetic than a Walmart Cashier salary insisting on a place where three-figure bills are the norm. I never suggest a place that isn't well within my budget, unless I've saved up to splurge on that (and really, it had better be call-your-mama good). Generally I'm not inclined to pay a huge markup for fancy service when the food is meh.

by Lhoeger 2 weeks ago

That's why the person who suggests the expensive restaurant should pay for it. I normally go for a cheap casual yet yummy place. Pizza, burritos, or ice cream are great first dates.

by Ok_Resort739 2 weeks ago

I feel good when I pay for the date

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

If I ask someone out on a date I'm paying

by Longjumping_Spot2598 2 weeks ago

It just so happens that men are expected to always ask women out and more or less have to if they want a smooth dating life.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Are you a guy? If yes, how many times have you been asked out?

by Alizerippin 2 weeks ago

Yes. Zero

by Longjumping_Spot2598 2 weeks ago

Then you'd be paying all the time and your rule is basically useless and susceptible to "free dinner girls" which to be fair are very uncommon.

by Alizerippin 2 weeks ago

This is how people feign "equality".

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Honestly that's a cop out answer because women almost never ask men out and if they do I've never seen one offer to pay

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I strongly disagree. I love paying for my grilfriend's portion. Makes me feel like I'm doing my job as the provider.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I liked paying for the few goodly women i dated.. Idk feels good to be nice.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Right. Men want to pay if they like (or are attracted to) the woman enough. Key word is enough.

by qhoppe 2 weeks ago

The problem is a lot of people my age meet on dating apps and I obviously don't like you that much after texting for a week. For a date with a girl I already know I like or am friends with I go all out.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Even if I'm attracted im not paying until we're officially together

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I'm a man not a woman And don't date men. But somehow know what most men do on dates with women?

by Capable-Try-9901 2 weeks ago

anyone who disagrees is a freeloader So if I'm the one paying and disagree I'm a freeloader?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

When someone says "give me 2 seconds" you start audibly counting don't you

by Ckilback 2 weeks ago

Don't be Petty just because he's made a good point on how flawed their argument is.

by effertzeriberto 2 weeks ago

It wasn't a good point. You all know exactly what op meant.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

That is not the same thing as the point being made. OP was clearly talking about only the person getting the free meal

by Capable-Try-9901 2 weeks ago

I will always pay if I asked the person to go, I would never expect them to pay their own way if it was my idea to go.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

So you just pay for any thing you propose to do with other people? I say this as someone who always paid on dates, but that's stupid af. They are agreeing to go on a date. It's mutual. If you say "let me treat you to dinner" then fine you're offering to pay but "want to go on a date" does not imply that I will pay for everything. Like I said, I always paid on dates but always looked out to see if they would offer to pay their share. Red flag if they don't.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I personally don't think it makes sense first dates are almost men do the proposing. First dates should be relatively cheap and be about getting to know someone. If you really want to pay for someone you should be keeping lower than 15 dollars.

by AdResponsible 2 weeks ago

So you just pay for any thing you propose to do with other people? Yes. If I asked the person to go I am paying.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Really so if someone asks you to go to a movie or to a theme park or whatever, you expect them to pay for everything??

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

He didn't say he expected other people to pay just because they invited. He said that he pays when he invites. You need to brush up on your reading comprehension

by effertzeriberto 2 weeks ago

Is this just for dates or does this extend to doing this with friends as well? Because I'm not paying for friends Everytime we go some place if it's my idea

by GuidanceDramatic 2 weeks ago

If I asked my friends to go with me someplace I am going to pay for them. If I was not willing to do that I would not ask them at all.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Ok but men always do the asking so that's basically saying a man always has to pay. If a woman asked a man out I've never seen her offer to pay

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I disagree and I'm paying so now what?

by Grand_Perspective 2 weeks ago

That's it. You disagree. Move on

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Everything seems to come to 'insecurity' on the internet now doesn't it

by FitPride 2 weeks ago

Wdym those 10s have higher expectations than a guy who would call them a freeloader for not wanting to go 50/50 because "it's not like I treat my buddies when we go out" shocking

by Pristine_Staff_5739 2 weeks ago

Yeah but the wooden shoes hurt my feet

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

To be honest with you, I never minded paying for the woman, even on first dates where I had no idea how the girl would turn out. Just felt polite since I was the one asking for the dates. I like the tradition.

by Forest69 2 weeks ago

So if you went to a club and wanted to hit on a girl your line would be "Hi, can you buy you a drink"?

by Chelsie79 2 weeks ago

anyone who disagrees is a freeloaderanyone who disagrees is a freeloader I disagree, I want to pay for the date, how would that make me a free loader?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Or just go on really cheap first couple dates

by Akuphal 2 weeks ago

What if i disagree and I'm the one who is expecting to pay? Does that make me a freeloader?

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I don't believe in 50/50 but paying for what you eat or drink. Because one person could order something a lot more expensive than the other.

by Admirable-Sea 2 weeks ago

i prefer to go brazillian on first date instead. wahoo~~~

by Ok-Orange9947 2 weeks ago

I'm a high maintenance person who likes fancier things, so I'm always happy to pay for myself. I don't think it's fair making someone else pay for my 18 dollar cocktail, Ill pay it since I ordered it!

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Doesn't going dutch mean 50/50? I hate going 50/50, I gladly pay what I ordert or even invite someone or be invited but going 50/50 annoys me, almost always it means I have to pay more without it being a generous gesture.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Going Dutch means you pay for your own food

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Only real hardcore men know this isn't an option. The only real options are super manly rad stuff like beer, cars, WWE, monster trucks, out in nature doing some manly hunting and camping. No time for dating when I've got all this to keep track of. Bloody young wippersnappers these days.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

That part. Just go 50/50. It's a first date not an anniversary

by Ooreilly 2 weeks ago

As a dutch woman, with a non Dutch mom, I completely agree. She's a gen Xer who thinks men should pay for everything ALWAYS. If they don't they're a bum who doesn't deserve the time of day. It's gross and I've always hated the way she views relationships.

by Vivid-Alternative 2 weeks ago

Not saying I agree with it but the fact is women are the gatekeepers of sex and men want sex so they tend to play along with this because of how bad they want sex. It's actually pretty sad

by eulah90 2 weeks ago

Hey, if you are dumb enough to be fooled into paying for a meal for a freeloader that had no actual interest in you, that's on you. Screen your dates better.

by Kshlerinnoemy 2 weeks ago

I went out for drinks with someone recently and had a really great time. Stayed for a couple hours, laughed and were planning a second date. When the check came I took out enough cash to pay for it since we planned to meet again anyway. My date pulled out her card and said let's split it. Maybe she didn't want me thinking "you owe me" so I said sure and took half the cash back. She texted me that night and said how great the date was, but couldn't see me again because I didn't pay for the whole meal. Even acknowledged the cash I initially put down. I didn't even answer back.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Equal rights, equal responsibility, equal everything You may for some, I'll pay for others, but otherwise, split the bill

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

It's so much easier to drop a creepy male if you pay for yourself on dates. Then he has no leverage to beg for sex. Would recommend.

by anyaosinski 2 weeks ago

Absolutely agree. No reason for a guy to pay just because hes a guy on a date, same as theres no reason for me to split a bill with my 190 pound pal who eats for 2 men and outearns me 3 times. I split bills with my fiance and prefer it that way, why would i not do it with my friends. I have one acquaintance that does this 'dating multiple guys and not paying for anything 'i have 3 free meals per week', cringe so hard

by Creminanastasia 2 weeks ago

You pay the full bill because you know she's got a tinder queue a mile long with dudes all just as funny, smart, hot as you. This assumes you're not desperate and have some choice of what dates you want to go with, so you're not dropping mad bills on a throw away date

by Bartoncayla 2 weeks ago

I disagree, I think the person who does the asking out of the other person should pay. Don't care about gender. I ask you out, I'm planning what we do and I'm also paying. Saves the issue of if I choose to do something expensive and that isn't something the other person can necessarily afford.

by Joana06 2 weeks ago

The one who suggest the date should pay

by ActPsychological4388 2 weeks ago

I'll say it here too. Whoever offers the invitation pays.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I agree with this; I think this mentality has become more common in the last few years. I'm a woman and I feel uncomfortable with a man paying for me if we barely know each other. In fact I think paying for things should be split when a relationship progresses further. Of course, there are differences in income and financial standing that might influence the ratio but a woman never paying for anything is archaic.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I play it by business formal etiquette in life. If I ask someone to go out, then I am responsible for the bill, whether it's family, friends, coworker or a date. Now it's nice when others offer, but I am always going in expecting to pay...if I'm the one making plans. Now a woman asks me to go out, which has happened...well I'm expecting them to pay...but i have to be ready just in case that's not the case.

by maceyorn 2 weeks ago

Going Dutch? What does this phrase mean? I have never seen it used before.

by PerceptionMassive768 2 weeks ago

Means to give each other a Dutch oven at the end of the date

by SuperStrategy3374 2 weeks ago

Means going 50/50

by Cleora49 2 weeks ago

Underwear and clogs

by SuperStrategy3374 2 weeks ago

To each their own. A date doesn't have to entail some fancy, expensive excursion. First date should be casual like coffee or a drink or something where you can actually talk to the person and see what the chemistry is. I think whoever asks should pay and if either party is too cheap/broke to pay for a simple drink then they probably shouldn't be dating. Also, people who are constantly worried about the world trying to pull a fast one on them is not a good sign. I'm a generous person so I could never be with someone who's a score keeper.

by Bomarvin 2 weeks ago

It's kind of like tipping, men are socially obligated to. Doesn't mean they agree or want to be a "gentleman", lol. I will pay for my girlfriend, or even friends and family when we go out to eat. But some girl on a first date i don't even really know yet? Seems pretty stupid to me.

by trey84 2 weeks ago

Even my platonic female friends won't offer to split a check if we grab lunch, and most brag about how much money they make. I've given up hanging out with many of them. I aspire to one day be able to be as calm and Zen as a woman when the check comes.

by Familiar-Can 2 weeks ago

In before the silly "well if you ask to go out you should pay nonsense" knowing full well that its often socially required for men to ask women out lool

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

This.🫡 I feel like until you get into a relationship with someone, you should always split regardless the gender. And once you are in a relationship, take turns with treating each other. Luckily, my girlfriend of 7 years still believes in 50/50 to this day and won't let me pay for her at all unless i have some surprise planned for her or it's some kind of celebration.

by Cleora49 2 weeks ago

The way I would do it is, 1) if they're a student, or have other reasons for not working full time, I'll get it. 2) if they're making decent money, don't volunteer, but don't refuse. 3) If I was feeling silly, I'd offer. But again, never insisted.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I'm a woman who dates men, and I hate it when they pay for me. It feels transactional, it feels like pressure, and it feels like a trap. Like — I don't even know him or know if I want to know him, but now he's spent money on me and I've got no idea what he thinks he's bought. What will I be expected to do to get back in the black? How much will he resent me (and how guilty should I feel) if I just don't like him or even want to see him again? Nasty stuff. Relationship experts say that keeping score is a toxic pattern that usually just creates resentment. I've got no idea why so many people think we should be putting points on the board the second we meet each other. I don't want a partner who thinks of our relationship in terms of payments made vs. services rendered. I insist on paying for myself and I've had some guys get genuinely weird about it.

by Theodore62 2 weeks ago

Totally agree, why should the man bear all the financial burden in dating. Women want equality so. Most dates don't go past 1st or 2nd, so someone can go broke trying to find a partner.

by Charming-Trainer 2 weeks ago

Why you going on a date with someone you don't know?? That's your first problem

by Penelopewest 2 weeks ago

First meet up yes- first date no. That's why coffee or drinks is a great way to find out out if you want to go out on a date. Some women will want to split that great but They think a lot of women want to see if a guy is going to actively show he is willing to pamper her a bit in the beginning Unfortunately, guys way too many of you don't pull your weight in relationships. Women end up doing way more housework, household management, and childcare on average than men. So if you guys are not willing to show effort and willingness to show you value your partner in the dating part of the relationship -to me and A LOT of women - it's a red flag. If you are being cheap to in the beginning stages when you are infatuated, then you clearly are going to be penny and dime'ing your partner throughout the relationship. Finances should definitely come into play- if a woman is clearly making more than a man she should be offering to pay more than him on after the first date and vice versa. If things are even, I do think a woman should be offering to pay a decent amount of the time. But honestly, a guy picking up the tab more goes a long way There are a ton of privileges that come with being male, this is one of the few very temporary downsides. Most healthy relationships in my circle the guys made an effort to pursue and treat their girlfriends and as the relationship progressed the finances evened out with financial sharing being proportional to income. Meanwhile - prior and after that the women worked to show appreciation in other ways- cooking a favorite dinner, packing lunch, different acts of kindness and care

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Going dutch? As a dutch person, I must be living under a rock...

by NeighborhoodDue 2 weeks ago

I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Absolutely agree.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I never had a first date with someone that I didn't know already, but if it had happened I would have proposed 50/50 but wouldn't have said no if they had offered to pay.

by Melynaboyer 2 weeks ago

My first date with my wife, we paid 50/50 since I was a broke college student and we have been together since 2016. I guess it's a good sign for a girl to offer to pay as well

by Long-Calendar-5923 2 weeks ago

I mean as the person who usually picks up the check, I still don't agree with it for first dates. If I'm extending the invite and making the plans I'm accepting responsibility to cover the cost. We don't know each other well yet, how can I make plans based on what you can afford if I don't know what you can afford? Which before a first date is often info you won't have. If I can't be sure of your means I need to take ownership of it instead of imposing that on you. From there - I do agree with it for every date after the first. Either Dutch or rotational, with each planning to their means.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

50 percent of the general population's life strategy is to be a highly valued freeloader.

by DizzyVariety 2 weeks ago

I don't think many will disagree with you. Dudes that have money will continue to pay for dates as it doesn't impact them much and it gives them an edge in the dating market, and certain women on the receiving end will continue to expect that treatment because they are entitled. Everyone else will move to make it more equal.

by trey84 2 weeks ago

Yeah for sure. Everybody works these days. Back when men were the sole providers of money it made sense. Now it's just a scam. But it's nice to try and do in a nice and giving manner either way. You know, each party offers to the other like its a gift. Not just making a business arrangement before the start of the date. End of the day if it needs to be discussed then your probably talking to the wrong lady anyway 😂

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

Wow. Soon the 40's will mean the 2040's

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I offer to pay my half but the guy assumes I'm doing so because I don't intend to meet him again. One guy did not let me pay half because I can "pay the next time we meet". Few days later, when I texted him that I don't wish to meet again, he accused me of allowing him to pay when I didn't intend to meet him again.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

One girl I dated insisted on paying for meals and not letting me pay for everything. We didn't keep track of back and forth but when she wanted to pay for something, there was no argument. It was a really sweet gesture from her and it's not common.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

I'm a dude. If I have a great time with a woman, and especially if I initiate the date, I will pay for 100% unless she initiates otherwise. In my eyes that's the right thing to do. Hey ladies, we can tell which of you are genuinely interested in looking for something, and which of you just want a free meal. We're usually not dumb.

by Anonymous 2 weeks ago

If you mutually agree on the date, yes. If someone approaches you and asks you out and has something in mind, then they should pay because it wasn't in your plans to go until they asked. Like if it's a dating site and you mutually match, go Dutch. If you approach someone outside of that, the person asking pays. We should normalize going to a park to chat or meeting up for coffee. Dinner and activities are expensive and those things shouldn't be expected on a first date when you don't even know if you'll get along.

by davionlemke 2 weeks ago