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It's not ok to be friends with an ex, amirite?
by christophereill1 week ago
I think this is generally true but there's lots of room for nuance. Close friends, doing lots of stuff together, group vacations etc? Probably not Friends like, can make polite conversation at social gatherings like the rest of the people you're on good terms with and bump into now and then for drinks? If the breakup was good or you guys made amends probably. Assuming it doesn't cause problems with current relationships
by Hudsonnorris1 week ago
I get what you mean. And I do agree
by christophereill1 week ago
🤨
by Leatha971 week ago
Lol.
by Frosty-Combination1 week ago
I agree with what you say except, I find it disrespectful to your partner to go have a drink 1 to 1 with ur ex.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Hold up, did y'all start dating through ur families or your families become close through you two?
by Anonymous1 week ago
I have exes that I would be completely fine being just friends with. I also have exes that, nah, I'd rather die than even just see them again. It's all situation dependent
by Maximum_Ad19811 week ago
I feel like people who are all or nothing about being friends with exes either have too much dating experience or not enough. If you're genuinely interested in the person just talk to them about the ex they're friends with and get an idea of how they are together. If it's not something you're comfortable with, then don't be with them. It's that easy lol
by Funkcade1 week ago
Agreed, some people it can work, others it just won't. Takes maturity is all
by Anonymous1 week ago
Agreed. Most of my exes are in good terms with me and I'm fine with being friends with. No relapses and some are even married and I wish them the best. There is only one ex whom I feel nothing more other than abject hate. Surprisingly (or not), she was also the one whom I used to love the most with all my heart.
by BudgetArrival61931 week ago
Wow your wording makes it sound like you have tons of exes, what a way to lose your value quickly. How many are there?
by Anonymous1 week ago
You sound like a very lovely person. I, too, wish that I could keep people I care about around
by christophereill1 week ago
That's a very mature way of thinking..
by christophereill1 week ago
i used to not have an issue with it, but after years of dating, if an ex is still in the picture they will cause problems. it has always worked out that way, and i never wanted to be a controlling guy about who someone is friends with, but i don't accept that anymore.
by Left-Percentage1 week ago
This really only applies if every past relationship ended poorly. If it ended amicably, then I'm not sure what the problem is.
by Successful_Rip_56801 week ago
The problem is that no future partner prefers to see someone with exes hanging around. If the choice were given, either this girl with exes around, or the same girl with no exes around. >99% would go for the latter
by Earnestine541 week ago
they are keeping a door open for some reason or another. people don't want to commit to things.
by Left-Percentage1 week ago
That is so unfair for the next genuine person though
by christophereill1 week ago
If you're with someone and it doesn't work out and you break up, and you wind up married to someone else down the road, that somehow makes them your second choice? That math doesn't add up. By that metric, the only first choice is your first relationship. I had 3 long term relationships before I met my husband, and thank God I didn't marry any of them or I would have missed out on my husband. Nice try at being a Debbie downer though.
by Anonymous1 week ago
There's really nothing to be jealous of I could see jealousy if you genuinely enjoy the friend's company more than you enjoy the partner's. Unsure what the proper course of action there is but I don't think it involves dropping the friend.
by Eastern-Setting1 week ago
It's not that rare, this exact same situation happened to me. We had a great friendship and respect for each other but the romantic connection never grew like it should have, so we broke up. A lot of people get in relationships just to be in a relationship. People say theyre in love but a lot of times it's infatuation or just lying to themselves. Im sure there are a lot of people who are probably better off friends with their partner, but because they're comfortable they don't want to break up.
by Anonymous1 week ago
I think that's still fine as long as you set boundaries and had a good break up. Take time if you need it but I don't think most people do.
by Xkoepp1 week ago
I feel like it's not that black and white, some people just truly make better friends than partners
by Erika091 week ago
L position. At some point you will be an EX. So if you can't still be friends, then the relationship was based on nothing besides banging.
by murazikarianna1 week ago
L take
by Earnestine541 week ago
Most of my exes are good friends of mine. We were friends before dating and though there was usually a month or two after breaking up to heal, we went back to being friends afterward. One of my exes is my best friend and has been for almost 20 years. The only exe I refused to be friends with cheated on me and insulted me during the break up. He was and still is immature and blamed me for his cheating. It really depends on the people involved. My exes and I realized we'd made better friends than lovers and made steps to correct our relationships accordingly. None of them have ever interfered in a later relationship or caused any unnecessary drama in each other's lives.
by Uvon1 week ago
I used to think like that as well and most of my exes are scum, except one. We met during the pandemic and then realized we were better off as friends. He's the only ex I'm friends with. Sometimes it's just like that. 🤷‍♀️
by Anonymous1 week ago
i feel like this isnt an unpopular opinion and probably something you're experiencing personally
by Anonymous1 week ago
Is it not possible to have form an opinion and try see it from another perspective if I am going through struggles currently?
by christophereill1 week ago
I think they mean that it is a popular opinion if you look past the double negative. Most people find it weird, a few are okay with it.
by Anonymous1 week ago
What if you just dated for a few weeks/ months? Sometimes something seems promising but after a little while you just realize it's more of a platonic thing? It is hard to be friends with someone when a serious relationship took place, but I will be friends with my high school boyfriend forever probably and I'm so happy for that.. maybe plenty of time passing is also an exception?
by Hairy-Wedding-1151 week ago
I've known several couples who have broken up and remained friends. I'm good friends with one ex and friendly with another (we live on opposite sides of the country, so not like I ever see them). Some people realize they are better off as friends. Everyone's situation is different.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Some people live their lives with rules. Others with wisdom
by riley921 week ago
I dunno. It depends about why the breakup happened. If the relationship became toxic and/or ended up badly, yeah, being friend with you ex is weird. But if you just... grow apart, and the romantic feelings just go away, but you still care for one another? I think staying friends is not weird. Like, you were important part of each other's lives, it's hard to denounce that.
by uconsidine1 week ago
being friends with an ex is ok
by Anonymous1 week ago
Why though
by christophereill1 week ago
How did you process the hurt of a break up together as friends or was it done isolated while keeping them around?
by christophereill1 week ago
I'm not sure I understand your question exactly. To answer what I think you are asking, one of them we dated for a long time, then didn't talk for maybe 1-2 years, then became friendly and right now we are pretty close, talk weekly. The other we were friends first, dated for a year maybe, we tried transitioning into friends pretty quick after dating but that became toxic for reasons. Spent a couple of years apart, she reached back when she was in a committed relationship, we started talking, and are friends again. I was at her wedding last year. I don't talk to her as much these days, but mainly cause she moved countries.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Agreed.Move on.
by Anonymous1 week ago
I agree, it's always a wierd dynamic when I meet people who say they've just agreed to be friends. Like ok, so the next person you date is supposed to be cool right off the bat that someone you were intimate with and most likely said you loved is someone you call a good friend? That doesn't exactly set a good foundation where I'd be skeptical still that they never really took time to really heal and established that boundary of nothing intimate.
by ResponseOk58901 week ago
Lesbians do this which is probably why our divorce rate is 75% Ugh toxic people.
by Dear_Airline_38311 week ago
I only suggested being "friends" with my exes because I wanted to win them back. Never worked. Just got even more hurt because I allowed them to use me.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Of course it's okay, since you make your own rules. But if a partner is doing it, and you feel jealous, it's up to you to decide on how to react to it. But forbidding others to be friends sounds like a bad idea.
by Anonymous1 week ago
I agree with you.. it's down to the extent we can accept
by christophereill1 week ago
I agree. One can't move on easily if the ex is still a friend.
by Windlerrichmond1 week ago
"you dont leave a part of a tumor around just cause it was apart of you" idk the actual saying if this sounds weird at all
by zschmeler1 week ago
For those of us not currently in or fresh from high school… I am friends with nearly all of my exes. Why? Because I liked them as people and we just didn't work out romantically long term. Did you know that people of opposite sex can and regularly are friends? Weird, right?
by Anonymous1 week ago
you can never really just friends after anyway. civil, sure. friendly, depends on the break up. but be really friends, youre lying.
by Matilde241 week ago
Doesn't that show they're only hanging around in case of leftovers
by christophereill1 week ago
It depends. In a serious relationship, sure, but if we got together then figured out we're more compatible as friends that's a different Story.
by Civil_Interaction1 week ago
Is this really unpopular?
by Anonymous1 week ago
What if the kids are grown?
by Express-Unit1 week ago
If we were good friends before getting together, and we broke up on good terms, why wouldn't I want to remain friends with them? It'd be totally different if it was on bad terms, of course. But otherwise, I don't see an issue with continuing to be in contact with them as friends as long as you set ground rules it will never be anything more than platonic again. Usually two mature people can agree to those terms and move forward.
by kaileyking1 week ago
I think it's okay if someone is still cool with their ex, especially if they run in the same circles. however I would not date anyone that regularly sees their ex on an one-on-one basis, or is just generally closer to an ex than being a friendly acquaintance that may or may not briefly catch up once in a while.
by Over-Connection89061 week ago
Why not? Only reason we broke up is because she moved to a different country. Still talk
by Kuphalvalentin1 week ago
Me and my ex would pretend like we would stay friends, but every interaction we would end up saying horrible things to each other
by Anonymous1 week ago
I'm so sorry.. how did things end up?
by christophereill1 week ago
Ended up going completely seperate ways, it was the only option, I'm in a very happy relationship now tho so no fret.
In my experience, some of us weren't meant to be a couple. We were meant to be friends and the friendships have worked out 10 xs better than the relationships. 🤷
by Anonymous1 week ago
I think it only works well if you guys were friendly before, and are on the same page as in, realized you don't feel that crazy for each other.
by Anonymous1 week ago
My ex is my best friend. 13 years going strong.
by Lester231 week ago
Does it count if you were only online dating? (this was like 6 years ago I'm not stupid...now) because while I'm not like "Talk every day" friends with my ex, I'm not "I hate this person and want them to die" enemies.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Going no contact for 6 months then getting in each other's friend zone is working
by shyannharber1 week ago
I have exs I'm friends with. So does my husband. We've been married for 21 years. We were very good friends with one of his exs. Our kids were friends, and we all miss her presence in our lives. Involved in her funeral, mourned together with her family and everything. It's absolutely OK to be friends with an ex if you're just friends after breaking up.
by ConsistentWriter22361 week ago
You have got to be kidding.
by Mkemmer1 week ago
When you say it's not okay to be friends with an ex, are you also saying it's not okay to be exes with a friend (friends first, try a relationship, go back to friends)? Because unless someone's on tinder all the time, they'll be dating people they know already.
by Valentinehagene1 week ago
If it was a healthy relationship where they just realized it wasn't working for them and the breakup was amicable, I don't think it's a big deal. Why be a couple and have all that connection I imagine that sometimes, it just happens. They may realize they don't want the same things. Like if one comes to the conclusion they want children and the other doesn't.
by Successful_Rip_56801 week ago
Most my ex's I don't want to be friends with but my best friend was my partner for 7 years before we realized we worked better as friends. Are you saying that's not ohk that we're friends? I would say you're pretty stupid tbh
by Anonymous1 week ago
I don't know that I agree, personally I'm not friends with any of mine because quite frankly they're awful but I don't think you can make a blanket rule for this kind of thing when everyone is different
by Anonymous1 week ago
This sounds yet another half-baked, overly emotional, monogamously cishetero take that fails to take into account all of the possible scenarios.
by harrissantina1 week ago
I think given the billions of combinations you can have in this world it's more than possible to really like someone and want to hang out... you misinterpret that as romantic. Try the sex thing... don't like that... but still want to hang out. I realize that's probably very disconcerting to some relationships. It's sort of similar to "work spouses." It can be uncomfortable to know your SO has such a deep connection with someone else. That said... try to picture it as the same sex. Would it matter so much to you then? I think it's just people's insecurities. Probably because sometimes cheaters gaslit them into believing it's just a friend while basically banging their "friend." Two things can be true. User discretion advised!
by Adelbert011 week ago
Because we moved to different cities for work.
by Dickinsonenoch1 week ago
My ex husband is my best friend. He's like a brother to me. Married 11 years, divorced almost 30. Love him unconditionally, but that doesn't mean we should be married.
by marksheaven1 week ago
Of course, I don't think I have the capacity to advise you what to do with someone you cherish. It seems like you managed to turn it into a cherished and beautiful relationship. It is something that I have yet to experience in life. 11 years of marriage is incredible. How did you handle the divorce with him as a friend?
by christophereill1 week ago
Depends if they were friends first longer than the romance lasted...
by Anonymous1 week ago
Can't spell sex without the ex.
by ExpertPlenty27441 week ago
You seem very insecure…
by Victoriahoppe1 week ago
Argument not compelling
by Anonymous1 week ago
I was best friends with my now boyfriend for more than a year, before we got in a relationship. And when we were just best friends, neither of us had feelings for each other. My boyfriend is still my best friend. If we decide it's not working out, and we should break up, he will still be my best friend.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Just because you decide you can't date someone doesn't mean you can't be friends with them. When I first got with my wife a couple guys she had dated prior to me would come hang out camping or whatever with us it was a fun time they were cool people I actually became friends with them till we move away.
by Pleasant_Sherbert_681 week ago
If you break up in good terms with agreement because the relationship didn't work out, you can stay friends.
by Anonymous1 week ago
I take marriage very seriously and have broken up with exes simply because I don't see that future with them. The fact that I've made that choice means that I've ruled out a dating/marriage/sexual relationship with them. If you can't trust me enough to still be friends with them, you're out too. I CHOSE to not be in a relationship with them and I CHOSE you. That should mean something to you.
by Kjacobson1 week ago
I think it's ok only if certain amount of time has passed. But not a close friendship, more like an acquaintance.
by alvina221 week ago
My ex wanted to be friends, but it weren't for me. After 3 years of living together and having so much history, it just wouldn't have worked. Sadly we don't talk now, but I'd rather that, than be friends. We occasionally see each other at a mutual friends parties, but without ignoring him, we don't exactly talk.
by Turbulent_Aioli1 week ago
I've got exes that I'm still good friends with decades later 🤷‍♀️ it may not be ok for you, but it's no problem for some of us
by francescafranec1 week ago
Being friends with exes is just like Marxism, excellent on paper, disastrous in practice
by Cristobalzieme1 week ago
If you kept it hidden then you would get told
by evie231 week ago
If you have slept together it probably won't work as friends.
by ResidentPension1 week ago
I think you can be neutral with each other and support them. However, I wouldn't recommend hanging out with them or talking on the regular unless it was an extremely short relationship.
by doylerosanna1 week ago
I agree with you. Usually, if I'm friends with an ex, I make sure there's a lot of distance and boundaries between us, and I make sure that we definitely do not talk every day. I just feel like it's the right thing to do.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Yeah, I feel it is the only respectful thing to do
by christophereill1 week ago
It's downright dishonest to break up with somebody and then just pretend to still be fine with it. I'm not saying to be an asshole or anything, but it's just as bad to shrug it all off and act like nothing's wrong and have little in your life actually change. A break-up should be somewhat emotionally taxing and it should absolutely be a physical "breaking away" if you're ever going to get back on your feet again. This isn't about her anymore; it's about you getting back on your feet and respecting yourself. I had an old ex start messaging me during the height of the coronavirus and it was glaringly apparent that she'd just broken up with somebody, was lonely, but had been willing to be with other guy(s) for literally a decade since our breakup. No, no, no. I'm worth more than that, and frankly she's worth more than that. Settling would've only made us each dependent on each other and still very distrusting otherwise. Bad, bad, idea. You've got your own life to deal with and if someone willingly rejects you from theirs, they have terminated their side of the social agreement. Again, you don't have a license to be an asshole, but you don't have a license to be their best buddy again, either.
by Simple_Broccoli1 week ago
I love what you said.. we need to know that we are worthy and we need to have that self respect. It's a timely reminder
by christophereill1 week ago
Anybody wanna bet OP is under, say, 23?
by Optimal-Priority19811 week ago
That's an interesting take for me. How is it possible to segregate and compartmentalise the physical and emotional part of what used to happen?
by christophereill1 week ago
Exactly correct. You def need to let time the great healer do its work. Then later on you can probably be friends again and it won't be weird at all. Definitely depends on the context and relationship etc but I am friends with an ex. They had a child recently and I am just delighted for them. I don't feel weird at all, and neither does she. It's been 10+ years. We are different people now and have matured but I still find her personality to be admirable and I am proud of her. It enriches your life if done correctly.
by Anonymous1 week ago
When is the right point to reestablish contact with an ex?
by christophereill1 week ago
When whatever it was, doesn't sting anymore. For either of you.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Ah.. I can see where you're coming from. I feel maybe it is down to an individual's perception of the breakup
by christophereill1 week ago
One demographic is gonna say "Oh but I still wanna be friends with them", the other demographic know full well ex's shouldnt be friends. We know who's who...
by According_Profit1 week ago
We know who's who I'm not sure I do. Don't be coy, what exactly are you saying?
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