Arguing in relationships isn't healthy, amirite?

And that's an important thing, discussing things when it happens. You have to get things straight before your mind begins to wander.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Its much healthier to keep it to yourself, and silently, over the years, grow more resentful and cold, plotting against your spouse. Revenge is best served cold, they say. And its true

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I totally agree with you and I do the exact same thing. I'm not moody as much as I am extremely emotionally fragile lol. So if I feel he's not showing he loves me enough I get sad about it until I think objectively for a moment and realise I'm just feeling sad anyway and he's an absolutely incredible partner. Usually I'll tell him what's upset me because he can read me so easily and asks me what's wrong before I've even processed it really. But I always tell him he's not done anything wrong and it's just me feeling fragile. At which point all is good, he gives me a cuddle and we laugh about it and move on.

by Marciatremblay 1 week ago

Exactly this! Arguing doesn't have to involve anger and yelling. If done properly, it should be a very healthy part of any relationship.

by WeekendMiddle5311 1 week ago

This! "Arguing" doesn't mean flat out yelling and anger. Arguing can very well be disagreeing on something and either having a healthy conversation about it or allowing each other space in order to digest and talk about it later. Couples who have healthy arguments are a healthy thing. It shows emotional maturity. I call BS when a couple says they don't argue because if that were really the case, then there would be no differing of opinions and one is most certainly just giving in to the other.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I think arguing can involve strong emotions, even anger, because sometimes that happens. Whatever the emotions are, healthy, respectful conflict resolution is a must, like you said. The mature thing for the angry person is to understand the source of it and then respectfully discuss those deeper feelings, misunderstandings, etc. And over time, as you come to understand each other better and your trust grows the angry arguments become much rarer. Name calling and being mean and yelling is not healthy conflict resolution. It's toxic.

by konopelskiameli 1 week ago

tl&dr: the journey is more important than the destination.

by Acceptable_Trick6504 1 week ago

Having productive, respectful arguments is extremely important in a relationship.

by Lemkeshanna 1 week ago

Or just have an unhealthy avoident attachment style and find needing 2nd opinions to be needy as hell.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Yeah but when people talk about "Argueing" they basicly mean shouting at eachother until one person gives up.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Agreed completely. And in my first marriage, for the majority of the relationship, we almost never argued. That was NOT HEALTHY. In my current marriage, we do argue, but we make sure to do so in a loving and respectful manner. That's much healthier.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Been with my wife 30 years. I think it's strange not to have arguments from time to time.

by IndividualFederal 1 week ago

There's a healthy balance. In my relationship we argue over harmless DUMB stuff. Like the best way to do dilutions of cleaner or if corn tortillas are classified by hard n soft is normal. When we disagreed about divisions of chores or finances that's a sit and discuss.

by Mysterious_Bear 1 week ago

The balance between knowing when to be silly and knowing when to be mature is very important!

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Me too!!!! We always laugh about our dumb arguments because they're so ridiculous. I think they're healthy though, they help us get the job done together.

by Marciatremblay 1 week ago

No better duo than commies and genocide

by Eulaosinski 1 week ago

Lol at calling people "calmies" my dude.

by Tsipes 1 week ago

Same here 30 years . We argue occasionally and straighten the situation out

by Anonymous 1 week ago

24 years with my husband and same

by Borerpercy 1 week ago

Like, you don't have much money and one partner says I think we should buy a boat, and you disagree. What are you going to do? Just agree, not respond, or do you politely argue and bring up that a boat sounds great if and when we aren't in debt.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

This is how I see it. I've heard others say they never argue with their partner and it doesn't surprise me because it's always the most tame of relationships. No one is perfect, someone is always going to do something to piss the other off, if they then just ignkre it they obviously don't care enough about the relationship for it to matter to them. Like you say, passion. And there's different sorts of arguments, they're never good, but if you can work past it then it's fine.

by violettekohler 1 week ago

My wife and I argue occasionally and when I win I end up waking up with painted toe nails, or a little bit of makeup that I never catch until after I've gotten to work. I have started letting her believe she has won more arguments. Its a compromise, but that doesn't mean I won't continue to argue occasionally.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Yep, sooner or later all that pent up resentment boils over if you don't tame it every once and awhile with healthy arguments.

by May67 1 week ago

We have had very few over things that matter, quite a few over things like Richard Simmons not wearing a head band 🤣😂🤣😂

by IndividualFederal 1 week ago

23+ years here, it is strange and something is wrong

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Agreed. Some people have a negative view of the word "argue" (I am one of those people), and think it means screaming and insults. So, me and my partner never "argue" but we do have disagreements and hurt feelings from time to time that we sit down and calmly discuss. I realize that other people don't view the word the same way I do and I know I'm the weird one. So when I hear people saying they argued, I don't assume it means shouting and insulting. It's just a word I personally don't like to use.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I admire your relationship, truly. Any words of wisdom regarding how you got there would be welcomed.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Thank you!

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Absolutely this! We're dealing with two human beings here, if there's never any disagreement on anything something is off. Of course it doesn't have to escalate to a full scale screaming match but still.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Exactly!

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Yep, this one. They just go to separate rooms to pout and never actually talk about their differences or feelings. You're not going to agree on everything in life, you have to talk about it. This doesn't seem healthy at all.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Avoidant is typically someone who would take any measure possible not to have conflict, even (and usually) to their own detriment or detriment to their relationships.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Disagreement is not the same as an argument. People can disagree respectfully and work out problems without an argument.

by After_Produce 1 week ago

I really don't think it is. My partner is highly considerate (not just to me to everyone) that's why I love him so much. There's legitimately barely anything I can take issue with as a character flaw. That's why we barely argue. Worst possible case if we disagree on something (and we do from time to time) we'll talk it through and reach a compromise. It's still possible to disagree and be considerate

by BikePrestigious7958 1 week ago

Conflict and arguments do not have to be synonymous with disrespect.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I guess there is a difference between arguing and fighting. We are 20 years in with kids and we don't fight.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

oh theres for sure a difference. also 20 years in with a kid and arguments definitely happen. then you come to an agreement and move on with your day. but for op to claim even if they had kids, there would be no arguments, is absolutely insane.

by kianna55 1 week ago

Disagreeing on something and having a civil argument/discussion about it is healthy. Disagreeing on something and tearing each other down + screaming about it isn't healthy. My fiancée and I disagree on things and argue every once in awhile but we handle it in a respectful way. She's my best friend but we're still human and can feel different ways on things.

by Remote-Roof-2436 1 week ago

"Attack the problem not the person" this is brilliant!!!! Seriously!

by Borerpercy 1 week ago

I think there is a difference between a disagreement and a fight. My wife and I communicate our disagreements and tell each other when the other does something we don't like but we never yell or have a traditional fight. If it is heading to a place where we are getting frustrated, we take a break from the disagreement, and come back to it when we are calm and can discuss it with cooler heads.

by True-Spell 1 week ago

I feel like you're conflating arguing and fighting. To me, arguing is just disagreeing on something and having a back and forth discussion until you reach a conclusion. Fighting is when it gets overly emotional, personal, or involving shouting and drama.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

"My husband and I legit never argue" "If we're emotional" One of these is not true.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

LOL

by Reasonable_Dealer 1 week ago

There is healthy arguing and unhealthy arguing

by Upstairs_Set5727 1 week ago

lol we should all aspire to be as perfect as you and your significant other than

by Bernhardreba 1 week ago

They've probably been with their partner for like 2 years and don't live together or just moved in. With no kids and separate finances.

by Borerpercy 1 week ago

Yup!

by Borerpercy 1 week ago

It definitely irks me when people say "we're adults about it". It's so condescending, not to mention a total myth that adulthood is defined by excellent emotional regulation. Obviously we should try to handle disagreements (especially with our loved ones) with mutual respect but sometimes things get heated!

by Strict_Week_4457 1 week ago

penned up frustration can make ya ill

by Anonymous 1 week ago

And it eventually comes out in other ways.

by Borerpercy 1 week ago

Pretty dumb take. Arguing can lead to talking about what's wrong and then lead to understanding why it is happening in order to make changes and not argue in the future. Hence, it's then healthy?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Yeah, I'm guessing OP believes arguing necessarily implies yelling / animosity

by Arno16 1 week ago

Everyone argues in a relationship or else its not a relationship Not everyone fights

by Anonymous 1 week ago

This is an excellent explanation for someone like me who speaks English as a second language. I was under the impression that argue and fight were the same thing. So argue would be more like discussion?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Not all arguments involve yelling, cursing, throwing stuff or all that jazz. Adults can have a simple disagreement and still have a healthy relationship.

by Competitive-Pay375 1 week ago

Delete this

by Anonymous 1 week ago

If you're yelling or throwing things, yeah. But if you just have the occasional heated disagreement, no. It also matters whether or not it happens over little things too. You shouldn't be getting upset over little things with your partner. It's more understandable if it's something big.

by Designer_Monk_25 1 week ago

I wonder how old you are. Also, never having an argument is a red flag, not something to be proud of.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I agree. You can't live together, share a life (kids, finances) and agree on EVERYTHING. I bet the people who never argue, never have a disagreement, are holding things in. You can't sustain that.

by Borerpercy 1 week ago

It's healthy to fight/disagree/argue in a way to connect and repair the relationship or resolve a situation together - not rupture and tear the other person down. This happens when you use sarcasm, loaded exasperations (big sighs, lots of eye rolling, etc.), and pull out the receipts from an earlier fight that was supposedly resolved. Cue the resentment and silent treatments. You can be angry and want to make things right with each other; it doesn't mean you can't argue or disagree respectfully.

by olenfeeney 1 week ago

Having an argue isn't a problem, arguing about almost anything definitely is. But you're right that it's healthy to give each other space. I'm convinced that many relationships could be saved if couples could just do that.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

are you talking about arguing or fighting? I honestly don't think there's a way to avoid disagreements but the way you respond to them is, as you demonstrated, the important factor.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

My spouse and I learned how to discuss things we disagreed about in a reasonable manner through therapy. With reasoned discussion we can come to a consensus on how to proceed together on pretty much any issue. Most people would agree that it is still arguing.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I hate aggravating conversations but I think they're part of relationships. I argue with my mom but she's my favorite person in the world. We're not necessarily toxic or evil, humans just disagree sometimes and have passions and triggers. It's awesome that you and your husband have reached that point, but if everyone holds their relationships to that standard, most people will die alone.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Too much conflict makes a relationship doomed. Too little also makes a relationship doomed.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

So you guys don't talk out your disagreements? You either ask for what you want if it's sex/something similar or completely avoid each other? Sounds healthy.

by SeaVariation 1 week ago

Relationships are a series of fracture and repair. It's perfectly normal to argue with your partner.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

If you did have a fight with him would you get divorced? It sounds like you've just been lucky and so now you feel entitled to judge others.

by Sufficient-Metal 1 week ago

"We go to our own space until we are not too emotional anymore" isn't healthy either

by Confident_Lab_6515 1 week ago

Arguments are toxic. Disagreements are healthy. Teamwork is paramount.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Arguing has more aggressive and negative connotations, but by definition, it is just the exchange of opposing viewpoints. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to do that. Whether or not you consider it arguing just depends on your personal interpretation. I would say that "fighting" isn't healthy; but arguing and having disagreements is not necessarily unhealthy.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Me and my partner are exactly the same as you guys and I hope it stays that way forever!

by Marciatremblay 1 week ago

Ideally you can discuss issues without getting into a full blown argument. When there is there's healthy communication there's absolutely no reason to be yelling or acting passive aggressive.

by Practical_Leading227 1 week ago

Can I ask how long you and your partner have been together?

by Borerpercy 1 week ago

It is entirely healthy to have an argument. What is or isn't healthy is how you resolve your disagreement.

by lednerfrederiqu 1 week ago

I agree with this. People think it's normal because most people do it. It's disrespectful to yell at your partner and pick fights with them. Grow up and talk about things. Anytime I am upset with my boyfriend I TALK to him.

by Wide-Consequence 1 week ago

Arguments and discussions and fights are all different. I think they are being conflated here.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I've been married a long time and I have been a psychologist a long time. I would never tell a patient that arguing is "healthy." There are so many healthy communication skills that can aud in solving disagreements without sides.

by After_Produce 1 week ago

This is wild to me. Arguing in a relationship is totally healthy when done the right way. When you have a "us Vs the problem" mindset it allows cooler heads to prevail. An argument still happened, emotions are still tense, but with that simple mindset and focus you'll NEVER have a toxic argument. I definitely commend y'all on your tactics to cool down and mitigate the argument though! You're basically doing what I just described but in your own way. Unfortunately not everyone is like that and not everyone is immune to arguments. Which is why it's so successful that this rule be followed strictly during any argument.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I once had a woman break up with me because we never got in heated arguments... It was weird.

by stevie46 1 week ago

Conflict is inevitable. It's how you handle the conflict together that matters.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I'm with you. My wife and I have never once had a screaming argument and rarely ever even have heated discussions. Like some others have said here, if we're upset about something, we never give the cold shoulder or silent treatment or play "guess why I'm mad." We're upfront about it all, put it all on the table and work through it. We made a lifelong commitment to each other and we meant it. There's no point in staying mad if there's a relatively easy solution, which is communication and compromise. My parents instilled in me from a very young age the Bible verse "do not let the sun go down on your anger". We get it resolved asap and get back to being happy. And before anyone says anything about kids making it different, we have 4.

by West-Major 1 week ago

Not Italian American…

by Gerhard38 1 week ago

The term "arguing" has many different definitions depending on who you ask. Some people think that an unpleasant debate over a disagreement is arguing. Others think that is two couples having a healthy discussion and trying to find a middle-ground. Some people would consider yelling/name-calling to be an argument, while others would call that a full-blown fight. I'm one of those people, and I think that FIGHTING in a relationship isn't healthy. I think that having a civil (sometimes unhappy or unfriendly) discussion over a disagreement is extremely healthy. If one person walks away, that's just avoiding the problem.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Learning nothing from an argument is the issue not the argument itself

by cronindevon 1 week ago

Everyone disagrees with others at some point but you are correct, arguing in a relationship is not healthy What is healthy is clear respectful conversation even when you disagree

by Legitimate_Smoke 1 week ago

Actually, supposedly never arguing is equally unhealthy. It's about a balance.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

This is truly unpopular. My ex husband and I never argued throughout our entire relationship. Turns out it's because we didn't care about each other that much at all. We didn't even fight the idea of divorce.

by jsimonis 1 week ago

This take is dumb as hell. Conflict is a normal part of forming relationships, and a complete lack of it in a long-term marriage is not a sign of healthy communication.

by hailie74 1 week ago

It's not whether you argue or not it's about how you do it. I'll grant you that cohesion of personalities is a good thing, but arguing isn't a bad thing if it's handled correctly.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Tell me you have a toxic avoidant relationship without telling me you have an avoidant relationship. In real life ppl argue and disagree sometimes. Your relationship sounds like a lukewarm business exchange at best. Please tell me you shake hands after sex.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

If you mean a heater argument or fight then I agree. My partner and I disagree on things but it's always a pretty simple and straightforward conversation. Never had a fight.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

My husband and I have been together 12 years. I guess you could say what we do is arguing a lot, but we quickly recover. It's more like a spicy conversation. Anyway, I don't think it's an unhealthy vs healthy thing. I think everyone is different and we all handle relationships differently

by Anonymous 1 week ago

In a relationship that has a healthy level of give and take I feel argument is inevitable. If there is no disagreement there is a good chance one of the people is just slowly stewing in resentment.

by Significant-Put 1 week ago

Disagree, handling conflict with maturity, self-control, and compassion is very healthy for a relationship. Handling conflict with verbal abuse and insults is a death sentence.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Arguing like with your friends

by Anonymous 1 week ago

do you mean arguing as in debating your point and coming to a reasonable conclusion or arguing as in yelling/fighting whilst not giving up any ground until one just gives up?

by Own-Following-8047 1 week ago

This comes across to me like one of you is afraid of confrontation and fully open communication.

by Brittanyfadel 1 week ago

I'm with you. I've never argued with my wife.

by francescaemmeri 1 week ago

I agree. I really don't get people who get pissed at their significan other.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I agree w u that all out fighting isn't healthy and people use it to justify toxic patterns. But if you aren't ever disagreeing then perhaps you aren't actually communicating as deeply as you think. I think peoeple have different definitions or arguing. Disagreeing or having an irritable moment and working thru it could be "arguing" but that's a mature way to handle it. Sounds like communication to me ! Volatility absolutely isn't necessary…

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Kids Change Everything

by PsychologicalLaw492 1 week ago

My husband and I never fight either. We have disagreements now and again but never fight. We are good at communicating. We tell each other what we need and make it work. You know, like grown ups :)

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Arguing is a vague word. I think in many ways never standing up to your partner is as bad as arguing over everything: As with all things, there's a balance. I think you mean "screaming and yelling and saying nasty things" type of disagreement, which is indeed unhealthy. My wife and I disagree on things and argue over the correct path. Sometimes feelings get hurt. But learning how to fight fair and not be toxic is a life skill.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Not arguing means only one person is getting their needs met.

by nitzschepaige 1 week ago

Arguments are inevitable, how you go about disagreements though is different. Emotional outbursts aren't healthy. I think most people agree on that

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Arguing vs fighting is the key here

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Some people handle it by arguing, some handle it by „going to your own space until we are not too emotional anymore". For many people just swallowing your feelings isn't healthy. People are different. You have to find a person to be with that works with your style of handling emotions. If I was with someone that would always run away if they're too emotional I would go crazy eventually. Or did you never have actual conflicts before? Of course if everything is gone and goes according to plan there's little reason to actually argue

by SubstantialCat3386 1 week ago

I would agree as long as arguing doesn't mean one person always folds. Any relationship between adults is going to involve conflicting ideas. So any relationship requires a level of compromise. How do you know when you had a successful discussion and compromise. You know when nobody walks away feeling happy but also nobody feels unheard or cheated. So yes arguing usually means voicing your opinion without listening to the other person. So I would agree. As long as there is discussions addressing issues before they become problems.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

screaming at each other? no disagreeing and having a polite debate? yes, healthy

by Ohagenes 1 week ago

I think its more in reference to relationships where people hold back what they feel and just build resentment instead of letting it out, not in reference to the kind of situation you have.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Knock on wood bro

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I have a friend who makes this same claim, that he and his spouse never fight. Or I should say, he used to make that claim. After 10+ years where all the conflict between them was downplayed or outright ignored, they finally had their first fight - and the marriage was ended in a single blow. Some regular disagreement is natural and repressing those negative emotions can have a terrible blowback when reality eventually sets in.

by Organic-Medium-7814 1 week ago

If we're emotional we are adults about it and recognize we need something Instructions clear and we either politely ask the other for the thing we need Instructions clear or we go to our own space until we are not too emotional anymore Oooh, here's the catch: nobody communicates they need to go over those emotions. They just vanish into thin air and avoid contact Bonus: what happens when you politely ask your partner for xy thong you need from them, and they say no?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

From what I've seen so far I agree, one of the reasons I've been reluctant to get into a relationship is because I grew up around seeing all the people in relationships verbally and physically assault each other almost daily and if that is what most people think a normal relationship is then I'll never engage and never get involved with one. I understand correctly communicating with your partner even with disagreements, but I wouldn't call it arguing. I would refer to it as a discussion.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Nope, you got that backwards. Never arguing isn't healthy. Never arguing inevitably means suppressing stuff and that is like a pressure cooker that will explode at some point. And I say that as someone who avoids conflicts - like the majority of people do - but has learned how to have healthy and reasonably timely conflicts. Conflicts and disagreements are normal in any relationship - it is WHAT you choose to argue about and the WAY you argue that matters.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

You are as about as wrong as one can be.

by Juliusgerlach 1 week ago

Having disagreements, even hotly contested ones, is expected and healthy. Getting into screaming matches (or worse) is not.

by Life_Internet 1 week ago

Some kids in my marriage class said this "we never argue" and the instructor laughed in their faces. If you guys agree 100% on everything for your entire life, something is wrong with you.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I think what people mean is it's healthy to trust eachother enough to argue about things, but be comfortable in knowing that there are no harsh feelings behind it. If any disagreement can turn into a huge fight, it's a problem.

by kiel86 1 week ago

Also depends on your personality. Arguing can be perceived as passionate communication. Been married for a long time but yes, I argue playfully, am loud, annoying but it's all understood as not really arguing. We've had very few serious fights but many mini arguments throughout the day but nothing serious. Sometimes it's done in jest/playfulness.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

My wife and I never raise our voices at one another. But we have disagreements for sure. But we sit and talk it out and then move on

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I agree. Like the only reason for arguments in life in general is because one or two people can't communicate with a level head. Call me unemotional but whatever you got a problem with I can handle hearing about like we're adults ??

by NoSecond 1 week ago

That just depends on your definition of arguing, it's a mature discussion where you're talking about important and emotionally delicate issues that can get maybe a little heated given the circumstances with the objective of reaching a middle point? Or it's a fight where you can't control yourselves and scream and get violent to each other because the other doesn't automatically agrees with you? Every relationship (situational, platonic or romantic) has issues and disagreements, and every person has their unique perspective that may differ completely from the other. Sometimes somehing has to be done but neither of the two can reach a middle point so easily, so a healthy amount of arguing or discussion is needed. Otherwise, avoiding necessary discussion either one of you have to unfairly concede creating resentment, or to nothing to be done at all.

by fritschdina 1 week ago

My fiance and his ex wife never argued in 15 years. She was secretly having affairs for all 15 of those years. Anywho.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Hard disagree. There is literally zero possibility that you have no conflict or disagreement. There is literally zero possibility for any two people to have no conflict or disagreement. If you don't air it, it festers and the relationship will rot due to resentment. Does everything need to be an argument? No. Does every disagreement need to end up as an argument? No But never having any conflict is super unhealthy

by Suspicious_Type 1 week ago

Arguing is just presenting your perspective with the intention of changing an opinion or making a decision. Emotional arguments are fights. Not arguing in a relationship is unhealthy. Convincing yourself to never argue is toxic.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

People have wildly different definitions of what they consider arguing or fighting in a relationship. My friend says she has never fought with her husband, but I've personally witnessed at least ten of their fights over the years. But that also explains why she disliked my ex so much, because our definitions of a "horrible fight" don't even exist in the same universe. So you saying you guys don't argue doesn't really mean anything unless you define what an argument is to you.

by Sea-Main-561 1 week ago

that sounds like avoidance behavior, sweeping things under the rug, and going out of your way to avoid conflict instead of facing the problem and actively trying to fix it.

by Leannschamberge 1 week ago

Your husband I sleeping with someone else

by No_Creme 1 week ago

I think a lot of this depends on how you define an argument. Any set of people is going to have a disagreement at least now and again, but I don't automatically consider every disagreement to be an argument in the way that I think OP was using the word.

by Anonymous 1 week ago