If someone in a monogamous relationship asks for a 3some, they are not monogamous. amirite?

If you say no and they respect your wishes they are not cheating and it's insane to even suggest that might be the case.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Are you really trying to make the argument that not sleeping with someone else because you're in a relationship is somehow not monogamy? Isn't that the definition of monogamy?

by No_Quantity 1 week ago

Sure, there are people who will ask for a threesome, get turned down, and then stay exclusive, but they still want to have sex with someone else and can't be trusted to not cheat behind their partner's back. What an utter load of BS. Who are you to decide they are suddenly not thrustworthy anymore? They asked a question and got a negative answer. Why does that mean they are willing to do it behind their back? Is your self control so low? Do you always just do the things you got a negative answer to anyways? If you ask someone if you can borrow their car and they say no, can we bow decide you can't be trusted that you will not steal their car?

by Tight_Challenge 1 week ago

Who said their partners feelings are not important? Have you ever been in a serious relationship, a good one? Partner A asked a question. That is it. They just asked something, which is a good thing. It means A trusts partner B enough to talk about their wants and desires and to communicate it. Partner B is allowed to do with that whatever they want. If they feel like the question itself is a dealbreaker, then they should quit the relationship. But hopefully partner B is as good with communication as A is and there is probably not going to be an issue. However, not talking about your sexual desires in a relationship often leads to resentment, isolation and fights. I would say that having this convo is so much healthier than keeping it to yourself. If partner B is pissed they ask a question, then they have a lot of emotional growth ahead of them.

by Tight_Challenge 1 week ago

You're asking your partner to have sex with someone else? Why should people who want to be exclusive with someone be ok with that just because their partner told them? "Hey babe, I want to have sex someone else, but I'm only not because you don't want to, that's cool right."

by Anonymous 1 week ago

No, you are asking your partner if the 2 of you can together have sex with someone else.

by Tight_Challenge 1 week ago

That person is asking their monogamous partner to have sex with someone else. It doesn't make it ok because they would do it together because their partner doesn't want to.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

It does make it ok. It would even be ok if A would ask B if they could have sex with someone else alone. It is always okay to ask. What would not be okay is to do it anyways regardless of the answer or to get angry because of the answer or to start gaslighting your partner etc. But asking the question is always ok. That is how adults communicate. Like I said, you still need some emotional growth apparently.

by Tight_Challenge 1 week ago

How do you know that's how most of the conservations go down? Do you listen to a lot of couples talk about threesomes or something?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Because I've had this conversation before in relationships lol. It sounds like you never have tho?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

The conversations that you've had doesn't reflect every other relationship in the world. I did have a threesome but it didn't go very well. The other woman said she was bisexual, but turns out she only wanted to have sex with me and that's when I learned that I am 100% straight. She left and my partner and I had sex. Then the next day he got mad because her and I kissed, and she tried to go down on me and he got nothing from her.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Sounds like y'all didn't communicate very well re: this threesome. This is indeed an unpopular opinion. Each couple should figure out and do what works for them.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

You're acting like the person cheated. Relationships are so much more than just sex. When there is mutual respect and emotional support, when there is a strong foundation of love and caring, etc, then something like discussing the idea of fulfilling a fantasy has no bearing on the relationship itself. Take your hypothetical, the partner is disgusted by the idea: in a loving and caring relationship, the person shares their feelings. They discuss and the one who made the suggestion 100% understands and recognizes that it is not going to happen. They do not pursue it. They do not cheat. They continue in as a happy couple. You're making soooo many assumptions and minimizing what most of us know is the reality of LTR and partnerships. The reality is that you work through things together as a team. You're able to share your fantasies and ideas safely. There is no sharing this with your partner "as if their feelings aren't important." That's not at all the case.

by Zhane 1 week ago

This theoretical person asked for a threesome. Their theoretical partner said no. That's the end of the story. Why do you assume the theoretical person is disrespecting the relationship? Is someone in a relationship never supposed to ask for things they want?

by Pretend_Shift_1456 1 week ago

You are very judgmental. Every relationship is different, as long as partners communicate everything is fine. Your rigid definition of "exclusive" means that you can't even communicate about your sex life? Not everyone is jealous.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

It is ONLY the business of the people who are in a relationship what the rules of that relationship are. I know plenty of people who have had threesomes or open relationships. Their love for each isn't any lesser because of that. You are projecting YOUR definition of a relationship onto other people. Mind your own business.

by Pretend_Shift_1456 1 week ago

Most people aren't monogamous if the definition of monogamy is never wishing you could have sex with someone other than your partner. I've personally been cheated on by someone who would never consider asking for any kind of group sex though. Equating ethical non monogamy or voluntary group sex where your partner participates with cheating is questionable at best.

by PureSet8319 1 week ago

Is this really a thing though where you know a lot of people having threesomes but insisting to you they are monogamous? Some couples can bring someone in for mutual sex times and still not cheat outside that arrangement and some couples entirely fall apart after threesomes. As someone not involved, I don't care what label a couple uses.

by Leonpagac 1 week ago

Just sounds like trust issues not sure how asking for a 3 some means they can't be trusted to cheat behind your back I feel the fact they asked means they would be less likely to just do it behind your back otherwise they'd just do it.

by Altruistic-Emu3034 1 week ago

Whether or not I'm cool with is irrelevant to the point I'm making. What I was trying to say i think it's kinda a big leap to say my partner asked for a 3some this means I can't trust them and they will cheat of me.

by Altruistic-Emu3034 1 week ago

What a lovely way to guarantee conversations never happen. How can someone know their partner is not into it if they can't ask without being accused of planning to cheat? Obviously it is okay if one partner doesn't want to but that doesn't mean the other partner is immediately a cheater just for asking.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Is this really an unpopular opinion? I ask because it is spot on. Monogamy is for two people, each only wanting the other. As you have said, anything otherwise is not Monogamy.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

To be fair, that person is an idiot.

by Natural_Minute859 1 week ago

I mean, yeah? Monogamy means one partner.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Yes but what happens when one of those people doesn't want to be monogamous? How about someone who is getting too emotionally attached to another person. Should their partner just ignore it since they're technically not having sex with them?

by Anonymous 1 week ago