Living in a Retirement Home is Better Than Your Kids/Family Taking Care of You, amirite?

I would much rather live in a good quality nursing home with qualified professionals caring for me 24/7 I hope you have really deep pockets, care like that gets expensive real quick. I don't want care, if I can't take care of myself and my own bodily functions I'd rather be dead.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

Oh, same. I'm not sure what the laws on assisted suicide (if that's the right term?) are around here, but if I had dementia I'd want that. It's definitely expensive but if I had to live I'd prefer that over living with family, of course that's just my opinion

by murazikeric 1 week ago

I'm with you. If I start losing the ability to take care of myself I will end it while I still can.

by mariohackett 1 week ago

I think the different generations view retirement homes in totally different ways. Older generations have always owned their homes and had that autonomy/control/privacy/dignity. I'm a Millennial and I've moved almost every year because of housing instability/insecurity. Plus I've mostly lived in apartment complexes and have never been able to afford my own home and to be the "king of my castle." Basically, a lot of people like me just see a retirement home as just another place to live and prob not the worst place we've lived and we'll be lucky if we can afford it. While older generations have a fear of being "dumped in an old folks home" to die.

by Reicheldashawn 1 week ago

You're not accounting for cultural nuances. It is considered extremely shameful if you're Asian, for example. Your parents do everything for you, emotionally and financially, your entire lives. When it is their turn to be helped, you don't turn your back on them. They simply become another priority as they age.

by Twalsh 1 week ago

My grandfather has dementia. We take him to regular doctor's appointments and have asked doctors exactly how to care for him day in and day out. We hire a nurse for when he's had any surgery so that everyone can go to work and make sure granddad is cared for. There's ways to make things work, OP. If you want to. Asians account for aging parents and their bills (split between all siblings) in their budgets as we grow through life.

by Twalsh 1 week ago

Sometimes there's only one person to do all this. Then it's impossible.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

This is survivorship bias at its worst. I'm glad you got to experience some of the better homes (or at least as they would appear to an outsider).

by Anonymous 1 week ago

my grandpa got dementia there and literally permanently forgot who i am

by Full-College 1 week ago

Dementia is such a sad disease. My grandfather was convinced my grandmother was still alive and we were keeping them apart and he would forget me and my cousins, but he remembered his kids thankfully

by murazikeric 1 week ago

Yes, we never told my grandfather his wife had died ten years ago. The noise thing used to happen with my grandfather; before the home he would prowl his home with a sawed off shot gun screaming there was a party downstairs. I am sorry that you are currently dealing with a loved one with dementia, I know how devastating it is

by murazikeric 1 week ago

that's crazy how similar the symptoms are!! thank you for sharing.

by Full-College 1 week ago

You know, as a pct ( patient care tech) befor I got my cna, I worked in assisted living facilities. Some that were low intensity got great care and genuinely loved it . Once they declined though and moved into crowded low staffed nursing homes, alot of residents / elderly quality of life got worse. Not all places are wonderful picture perfect brochures. I currently work in a psych facility and will never go back to skilled nursing homes or assisted living. It's a miracle to get good staff ( by good I mean truly caring and respectful of basic human rights kind of people on all shifts/ levels). I won't put my parents in a home , I know too much .

by Schambergerjova 1 week ago

As a firefighter, i completely disagree. There may be a few good places out there but more often than not, they're awful

by Anonymous 1 week ago

At least in a lot of white wealthier families around me, older parents do not want to lose the dignity and independence of having to rely on their kids. They want their kids to see them thriving and adaptable, still social, still taking care of themselves. Even if they need professional help

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I think part of the aversion to living in a retirement home is the fear that your kids will just dump you there and completely abandon you afterwards in the care of total strangers, never checking up on you and your best case scenario is them dropping by to visit once a... month? Year?

by Anonymous 1 week ago

This depends entirely on the type of retirement home and the nature of the family who would be taking care of you.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I wish my grandma would understand this. She's desperate to stay out of a home, my uncle is trying to get her put into one because she can't take care of herself. She's got dementia and has almost set her house on fire multiple times as she forgot she was cooking. He can't visit more than once every few days because he has a demanding job. I can't afford to visit regularly because the trip eats up my petrol, and honestly, she wouldn't listen to me on much anyway.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

My mum always says that (she's 80). Right now her and my dad are doing well, but she always says she wants to stay mum/grandma for us and not become a patient. When the time actually comes we will have to see what's feasible though - unless we can afford a GOOD place (which in fairness, between us kids and their savings we might be able to), I don't know.

by Anonymous 1 week ago

I don't have kids, but would feel terrible being such a burden on them. Kids need to focus on their own family, not elder care imho. Burnout and neglected kids are likely outcomes.

by Anonymous 1 week ago