Getting picked last at school for sports/projects is more deeply impactful on a child than most people realize. amirite?

I had a "friend" in school who was as big a loser as me. He and I were alsways the last 2 picked. So when it was my turn to pick, I picked him first. When it was HIS turn to pick, he still picked me last. Seriously, dude?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

fr

by Anonymous 1 year ago

In my school, there was never my turn to pick. Every time it was the same two guys who became captains, unless one of them wasn't there.

by brandt23 1 year ago

seems like he was a bigger loser actually

by general59 1 year ago

Thanks for the laugh

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Nah this is CRAZY lmao

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I wholeheartedly agree. School is enough of a popularity contest as it is without baking it into class work too. Kids should not be picking each other for teams, choosing their own groups for group work etc. The kids who have a lot of friends end up thinking they can't survive 2 seconds of an activity with someone who isn't their friend. The kids who don't have a lot friends end up thinking they're nothing and don't matter. And it's avoidable!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

What on earth kind of situations do adults to a playground esc team picking???

by Hmertz 1 year ago

Sorry but if you're teacher had actually been doing things the right way SHE should have picked beforehand so NO ONE got picked last. Source: work with kids and it's not that hard to just not have these kind of popularity picking contests in school there's no point to them.

by Hmertz 1 year ago

Kids, in elementary school probably don't process that action as bullying. They want to win. Humans have picked the strongest and most able people in the tribe since the beginning. I think it's more important to teach your child to self improve than to chalk it up to bullying and expecting someone to save you. I was picked last plenty of times cuz I was slow and chubby. So I made the most out of it and showed that I was good at stuff. By the end of middle school I was never picked last and went on to play varsity high school sports. I never once blamed anyone else for being picked last. I sucked. So I got better. It also teaches kids that most of life is based on merit and abilities. If you get turned down for a job do you write a letter to the ceo saying how unfair it is? No. It sounds good to you by being able to pick the team but inevitably you picked people and someone else was picked last, likely due to whether or not they were good. So you by your own views bullied someone. See the issue? The correct response would be the teacher helping you get better n maybe when it's time to pick teams the teacher saying "hey I saw so n so kicking that ball a mile yesterday" and then you got out there n show what you can do. Then you would have learned how to better yourself and the other kids would have learned not to just assume people aren't good at things or never to judge a book by its cover or whatever.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I was always the kid without a partner in academic classes despite being the smartest kid in the class and never being unkind to anyone, so this is just not true lol

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It's nuanced. There's def popularity aspects to things as well that can completely overshadow abilities. If we had all the answers we wouldn't be discussing it right now. We've spent the last 20 years coddling and giving participation trophies to kids and now they are the most depressed and least confident generation to ever exist. So maybe we went too far in that direction or just ignored all the possible teaching moments.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Sorry, I also have a degree in psychology and work with kids and they way you're phrasing things is just plain wrong. Very young kids aren't really intentionally being cruel to each-other, they are literally unable to comprehend empathy at very young ages so they act in self centered ways because their brains are incapable of fully understanding the perspectives of others. They will also just copy the actions of the people or cartoon characters they see. They will sometimes kick and hit each-other IF they are not taught appropriately, but it's not because they're intentionally being cruel it's because at that age their brains are so undeveloped that their understanding of the world is much more similar to an animal than to an adult human.

by Hmertz 1 year ago

I disagree with one thing you said, barring disabilities, everyone can improve. Most of these kids who get picked last are just unathletic though, and they could 100 percent improve or try harder. You don't get picked last because they want to bully you most of the time, you get picked last because if I did pick you I know I'm guaranteed to lose, and I hate losing. Most kids will face this inherent bias at some point in their lives, yes even those jocks will be excluded from games at a high enough level. That's just how it works. Sometimes people don't even get picked to be on teams. I'll add that even in cases where teachers picked the teams, we'd still notice they stuck us with the kid who was going to drag us down. I will agree with you wholeheartedly that kids know what they are doing, and can be very mean. I won't call getting picked last repeatedly trauma though. Get over it. It just means you suck at sports.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

And I will repeat: helping them get better isn't going to end the bullying. Because it's not about talent. It's about whatever kids can use to other someone else, whether that be appearances, or being a nerd or geek, or being of a different faith. Kids will look for whatever they can find. And I would have been a lot more confident and not made my first suicide attempt at the age of 11 if it hadn't happened, if teachers would have noticed and taken action when I was being excluded, spat on, and having tacks put in my chair or gum put in my hair. Deliberate exclusion is a form of bullying. It is NOT a way to teach kids natural selection, nor is that what natural selection even actually is, and if you think it is, you've completely misunderstood Darwin. But all letting the exclusion in PE does is tell those kids that are being picked last all the time that they don't matter as much as the popular kids. That's the lesson being taught. Meanwhile, we as adults should be standing up for our kids when they have no friends and they're getting bullied like that. Showing you care about them just as much as you do the kids who aren't being constantly excluded isn't coddling them. It's teaching them that they're just as valuable even if their talents lay elsewhere.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You're wrong. It will change if we, as adults, work towards changing it instead of just saying "oh, well, that's just the way it is." Because by doing that, we're telling the outcasts that we don't care about them. Please, PLEASE understand that.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Haha well that's extreme. But it's much better for their confidence teaching them something to get better than to have them growing up thinking they just have to tell an adult and they'll make life fair for them. Young adults today are depressed and less confident than any generation before them. So apparently growing up with participation trophies might not actually work.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I'm a 21 year old who is depressed and unconfident in part BECAUSE of these experiences. You clearly know nothing about mental health. And contrary to what your whole "the youth is coddled" crowd wants to believe, participation trophies were barely even a thing at all. And every time I received one it made me feel WORSE because I was smart enough to realize it was a pity award. I'm sure most kids like me felt similarly.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Well you don't sound like you had any sources teaching you your value and building your confidence. And I agree, kids are smart. They know it's pity. Being forced to get picked first. They know. That's why we shouldn't do it. My parents were incredibly unsupportive. My mom used to heckle me at baseball games. But I grew and had to learn in my own what my value is because despite them being douches they did teach me that no one in adult life is going to save you.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Well, you certainly won't. I feel bad for your kids.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I'm not gen x. Of course I wouldn't do what my parents did. I just don't believe in coddling and totally unpreparing children for the real world. They are getting out of college now and the term snowflake is used almost exclusively to describe them. Their depression rates are high. Suicide rates. Lowest rates of dating and sex. An article from 2023 says 40% of business leaders think gen z is unprepared for the workforce and 94% of them avoid hiring them if they can. The list goes on. So yea, we def taught them well. Resilience definitely wasn't one of them.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

lol yea looking back on it it was. But yea. Adversity. Adversity is good. Life has a way or forcing adversity on us no matter what, so protecting kids from it isn't doing them any favors when they grow up.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I get your point but on the other hand, kids in elementary school absolutely can and will bully children. Picking someone last isn't inherently bullying, but a kid can tell when they're always picked last. They aren't dumb.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Idk if I wasn't clear but I'm 100% agreeing with you. A kid getting picked last once is a thing that happens. A get always getting picked last is wrong.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I think it's when you said it's not inherently bullying, when in fact it is when that kid is always getting picked last.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yeah I see where the miscommunication happened there. "Picking someone last [once] isn't inherently bullying, but a kid can tell when they're always [as opposed to just that one time] getting picked last."

by Anonymous 1 year ago

And that's why my high school PE teacher changed things up and let the kids being picked last start doing the picking. She was the best PE teacher. During those stupid presidential tests, she found a way to help those of us who sucked, to the point where I got most improved on sit-ups.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Some days my phy ed teacher would pick for us (good) but other days he'd let the kids pick (bad)

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Deliberate exclusion is a form of bullying. It is a way of saying "you're an other, not one of us," and othering someone for something usually out of their control is bullying.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

But that's not life. If you suck at kickball you're going to get picked last. Now is it better to help that child get better at kickball or force everyone to pick them first and giving that child a lesson that absolutely will not happen when there an adult. By those standards if I get turned down for a job doesn't that mean I'm being bullied by a company?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

We didn't apply to compete in 3rd grade PE. We were forced to. We're not talking about getting turned down from a team sport we willingly tried out for and just not making it. Your analogy doesn't make sense.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I mean you're kind of forced to apply for jobs. Encouraging improvement is a better option than bubble wrapping the situations. Young adults these days aren't confident at all. Because they grew up in the early 2000's where their teachers forced the weak kids to be picked first. So they never learned how to be better at something

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You really don't get it, do you? You are so out of touch due to your own confirmation bias from your own experience that you don't understand a word being said to you. Constant exclusion is a form of bullying. It is not the same as a team you're actually trying out for and not making the cut or applying to a job and not getting it. This is because a coach or an HR department are not your peers. The kids deliberately excluding you are your peers. The coach is looking for the best if you are actually trying out. The HR department is looking for the best hire. Dance instructors are looking for the best dancer, not the most popular one, when it comes to auditions for the recital. But your peers that you see every day are leaving you out because for whatever reason, you're different and don't fit in, and they're seeking to drive that message home. They are deliberately seeking to hurt you. And that's what makes it bullying. And that's why it's important to not let it happen.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This is such a good point.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I told my teacher that bullying was so bad I wanted to die. After that, we got placed into groups of three/she would choose our partners. It sucks turning to your friend and seeing they're turned to someone else

by Anonymous 1 year ago

right this is so true why did teachers constantly make us do this in pe class??

by Anonymous 1 year ago

They think it toughened them up and that's just a part of life. They don't understand that it's not a good method to learn that lesson.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

There's a spoken word poem by Shane Koyczan called To This Day. I think it conveys your message perfectly.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I was literally thinking about it as I wrote this haha

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It is. That's why you don't try to fit in. They don't want you? That's okay, you don't want them either. It's a painful lesson to be sure, but it also helps you grow some resistance to peer pressure. If life gives you lemons, say, who needs lemons anyway? F THOSE LEMONS!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This is the lesson that I eventually had to learn and it's how I live my life now. That said, I do not and never will be "grateful" for these experiences just for helping me come to that conclusion. That sort of logic never makes sense to me lol.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I have 3 boys. My middle is 12 and he is going through this. He is so kind, sweet and amazing and I just don't understand why kids are doing it to him. Literally breaks my heart and his. He comes home crying.

by Imaginary-Fortune967 1 year ago

I'm so sorry, and I'm angry for him too. I cannot believe schools still permit this—it's adult-sanctioned bullying. Your darling son sounds like such a truly lovely person. His gentle heart is a gift to the world.

by Eastern_Price 1 year ago

You're an adult, don't just sit there not understanding—figure it out and help him.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I am helping him! Never said I wasn't. Good grief

by Imaginary-Fortune967 1 year ago

Are you? How, when you don't know the issue?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I was often not picked until near the end for anything sports related despite having always been quite athletic my whole life. It instilled into me that people will often pick their friends and family over someone they don't like/know well and that sheer talent alone isn't enough to win at life.

by Acrobatic_Paint 1 year ago

Yeah. I think about this often. I can understand me not getting picked for sports bc I suck at them, but when no one picked me for group projects, it really hurt me to my core.

by DepthEven5112 1 year ago

I was one of the sports kids who frequently got to be a captain and pick teams. I was also in advanced classes, so a lot of my friends were "nerds and dorks." I always picked them, and we would have a blast. I didn't care if we won. Most of those kids never played sports, and I gave them the opportunity to enjoy it for a bit.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

And that is why parenting and championing your child's interests and talents are so important here. Because not every child is good at the tiny variety of things to do at school.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

As someone who has a veritable laundry list of disabilities, including autism and low muscle tone, I wholeheartedly agree. Even though I was homeschooled from 6th grade until college, I would've regularly been picked last if allowed by the kids. I can only recall one time, in 5th grade, towards the end of the year, that the other kids actually encouraged me during a kickball game, and my God, it still means the world to me, and I'm in college now. It's one thing if it's a one-off instance. It's a whole other ball game when it's constantly the case, especially if you're disabled.

by Commercial_Menu_8956 1 year ago

I mean it seems that as a whole, children are either not taken seriously or are coddled to hell and back, no middle ground. I hear you yeah. Adults should be more aware of wtf they are doing to the kids

by RemarkablePast 1 year ago

man, why did you have to bring up painful memories? That crap lasted up until my freshman year of highschool. Granted, I was used to it by then.

by Primary_Equipment720 1 year ago

It happened to me in the classroom and at home. It is so damaging especially when you get into a career where you're picked first

by Different-Race-7555 1 year ago

This is one reason some people homeschool, and homeschooling is more common now than ever before. The school system is set up to shame certain children and make them feel excluded. Children don't learn anything from being made to feel worthless.

by Electronic-Ad 1 year ago

I disagree that this is the reason more people homeschool today but I agree with your larger point.

by Kmckenzie 1 year ago

I'm jealous

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Okay not jealous anymore

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Omg I'm so sorry

by werner72 1 year ago

I understand that completely. I was the fat and short kid from elementary to high school. It warped my worldview for a bit. Nowadays I have a healthy self esteem (still short, no longer fat) and run ultramarathons and iron man triathlons. Those experiences fuel me. Not sure if that is healthy, but I take a lot of pleasure from it.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

We had it where everyone would shoot 3's until two people made it. Those were the two captains. Luckily, I never shot. I was good and was always picked first or second lol.

by Adorable-Annual 1 year ago

All last picked up guys are gathered here, it feels so safe here

by Maevestoltenber 1 year ago

I'm an adult and when no one picks me as a partner in Zumba class it's humiliating lol!

by ReactionLess1923 1 year ago

I'll never forget the middle school field day where all 300-ish of us were told to find a partner for the day, and I was the only one who didn't get a partner. Even all the special ed kids had a partner because the teachers arranged it ahead of time. But me? Nope. That was...bad. It was also the day a random photographer came to take pictures of all of us hugging a fake cardboard tree and I got to thankfully skip that one because I had obviously been crying.

by Sufficient-Door 1 year ago

Git good then.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Americans school culture sure is weird. My dad always picked me at school, even up to high school, and it was quite normal for other kids to get picked as well.

by Neat-Highlight 1 year ago

Your dad?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This is exactly what I'm talking about. What a sad worldview these experiences leave us with. It is NOT normal to feel this way.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I've always been a bit different. 😎

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It's not the flex you think it is.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Are u guys really soft like that

by Mitchellmafalda 1 year ago

You'll never understand

by Anonymous 1 year ago

To call that trauma is bs everyone gets some times picked last the other time first and so on

by Mitchellmafalda 1 year ago

Anyone who was picked last was never picked first. Ever. You don't get it.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You're an adult who's into gaming and anime… I wouldn't throw stones.

by Fritschheber 1 year ago

Gaming and anime are a bad thingtm again? Feels like the 2001 highschool girls all over again, man.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I think maybe if you're always last picked every time.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Literally OPs point. It's the same kids every single time.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

As much as I hate this, life is just cut-throat. There is always winners and losers. Eliminating schoolyard picks is not helping the child as well. The child will not be prepared for adult life and will not know how to deal with setbacks. For example, not getting the promotion, getting rejections, failing an interview, etc. Perhaps, instead of eliminating schoolyard picks, educators or parents can teach children how to cope with failures. This can enhance the child's resilience over time.

by Extension-Airline 1 year ago

Is it? Ii's literally a common trope for a character's backstory that they were "picked last on the for the _________ team"

by Ok-Tumbleweed 1 year ago

Get better. I love competition. A lot. I wasn't the best ever for a ton of things, but I was really good and it was always fun.

by mooreeugene 1 year ago

Get better then. Be the one they pick first.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This makes sense on the surface, but the key difference is when this happens during childhood. When the sense of self is being developed. Now I'm the farthest thing from an advocate for participation trophies, but I think more parents should be pushing your same message to kids to try uplift them and encourage them to continue competing. If not, the child may easily assume this as part of their identity

by Jealous_Lack_8262 1 year ago

We were children man, have some empathy.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It's not about getting better. It's about being the outcast, the one being deliberately excluded because you're fat, or a nerd, or a girl, or anything that marks you as different. There was a guy in my class who was intelligent and absolutely talented, but was ignored and treated practically as a pariah by our classmates for no reason other than that he was raised in a non-Christian household in the Buckle of the Bible Belt. Forgive the Wicked reference, but it's about being Elphaba instead of Galinda. Elphaba was super talented, superior in skill to Galinda, but she was left out for no reason other than having green skin while Galinda was super popular despite lack of actual skill or personality (at least at first.)

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It has nothing to do with getting better, and regardless, some kids cannot get better. The kids who are already being abused aren't focused on building muscle mass. The kids who don't eat daily aren't wasting calories by working out. The kids who already have the most reasons to feel worthless are the kids who can't afford to focus on phy ed.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

i didn't want to be picked. i don't like sports

by fsporer 1 year ago

I would've sat out if I could.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

i just simply said that i'm sitting out

by fsporer 1 year ago

Wouldn't fly at my school lol

by Anonymous 1 year ago

they gave up very quickly with me

by fsporer 1 year ago

Maybe at the time but someone has to be picked last logistically someone's name will be called last , put last on the list etc.

by werner72 1 year ago

I think the issue is when it's a trend. I mean a classroom has, what? 20-30 kids? If you're often last, that will stick out as notable to you. Honestly where I grew up, I can't even remember situations where we were "picking" at all?? Usually groups were picked, or the teacher told us to split ourselves (one goes left, one goes right) and if we're uneven, the teacher says like "5 of you go to the other team"

by Vanessastokes 1 year ago

My teacher always had us pick teams <3 I hated that man so much (this was one of many, many crimes) (some of which may have been actual crimes in hindsight)

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yes, but it doesn't have to logically be the same kid every single time.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

If the kids are the ones picking and one kid isn't liked they get picked last

by werner72 1 year ago

And that's deliberate exclusion, which is a form of bullying. There's literally zero reason for it, logically. Good PE teachers recognize when it's happening and do something about it. Mine let me captain teams in class because I was that kid always getting picked last. Why? Undiagnosed autism made me weird (harder to diagnose when you're high functioning, so I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood after a supervisor noticed and I finally got tested by my doctor) and being fat. Coach noticed and let me do the picking. Suddenly, there was never the same kid picked last anymore.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Glad it worked out for you, but it doesn't for everyone. For example, there are people with disabilities.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I didn't get picked because I was a foot shorter than average. Was I supposed to just alter my genes so that I would grow more?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Short people can be popular and/or great at whatever thing they're picking people for. Just gotta get to that point first, then you won't be picked last anymore

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I got to that point and all was well... until I got to high school and developed severe acne lol. Now I'm done with college and all is well again. Mostly.

by Anonymous 1 year ago