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97% agree
3% disagree
Post

One day I'll tell my grandchildren about a time when the internet was uncensored and users roamed free within its borders like majestic lions across the grasslands. I'll tell them how we had to type things out instead of using the neural links implanted in our brain stems, how we had to scroll down through dozens of menus, both ways, with a stalled connection to find what we wanted, and I'll remind them that children these days are so ungrateful. I'll tell them how we had programs that connect you to another user across the world and let you talk about your different experiences, and when they ask me if I ever saw anyone's **** between the philosophical debates I'll laugh and find a clever way to avoid answering, because the elderly are entitled to their secrets. I'll complain about my carpel tunnel and advanced arthritis in both thumbs, and at thanksgiving I'll remind them to be thankful for mind upload text. I'll keep my dear old friend, my laptop, on a shelf beside the grandfather clock, where it will gather dust because it's been broken for years and the parts are no longer made, and the children will stare at it in wonder and marvel, "The screen really does fold up!"

+15815880 Reply

FlyingGuineaPig FlyingGuineaPig

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

71% agree
29% disagree
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When Japan was nuked, at least the world got Godzilla out of it. What did America contribute besides crappy benefit songs and documentaries?

+24328 Reply

shorkian shorkian

In response to “When Japan was nuked, at least the world got...

Well my house climbed 2 spots in the world's tallest building ranks.

+188189163 Reply

StealthApple StealthApple

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

90% agree
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"Freeze Mentos into ice-cubes. Then give your friends an iced diet coke. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode."

+2742762127 Reply

UpandAdam UpandAdam

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

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This is coming from somebody whose profile picture is a jungle cat? Jungle cats are felines, not unlike the Pink Panther. Steve Martin was recently in a film adaption of said cartoon. Steve Martin is an extraordinary actor, as well as a decent tap dancer. Tap dancing requires shoes, which rhymes with 'stews,' which often incorporate beef. Beef is made from cows, which are considered holy by many in India. Christopher Columbus was looking for India, but instead wound up semi-near the United States, of which there are fifty. Fifty is a number formed by five and zero. Zero looks vaguely similar to Zorro, who fought with swords. Swords were popular early in Asia, and spread all over to places such as Pakistan, where they found Osama Bin Ladin, who was previously the leader of Al Qaeda. You, therefore, have a deep connection with Al Qaeda.

+3333341132 Reply

Anonymous

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75% agree
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My favorite screamo song poem goes like:
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSDJFHUSAHIODFA
OHHHAHHHHAHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHHHUASHH
ADFJSKJFAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."

+3593689135 Reply

Anonymous

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

98% agree
2% disagree
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When I was in third grade I saw a mouse so I ran to my parents and said "Theres a mouse in the house!" and they all laughed and brushed me off.

They regretted doing so a couple days later.

+145147211 Reply

ispeakparseltongue ispeakparseltongue

In response to “When I was in third grade I saw a mouse so I...

Because you murdered them?

+4034063152 Reply

Anonymous

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

96% agree
4% disagree
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Did anyone else notice that a user named Velociraptor just loved every single comment on this page?

+656831 Reply

Sean Sean

In response to “Did anyone else notice that a user named...

I'm in a great mood man

+4204211185 Reply

Velociraptor Velociraptor

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

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I usually just add more pictures to the stick people, like hair and clothes. But this way sounds pretty awesome.

+47481 Reply

SuperFastJellyFish SuperFastJellyFish

In response to “I usually just add more pictures to the stick...

Conversely, you could stop after drawing just the head, body, and arms and say, "I hope you're happy. You just killed an amputee with no legs."

Then you go on and on about how he lost his legs serving in the army for his country. How he was a double agent and without him, we would have lost the war countless times and Hitler would rule the world. Then you start on his family: how his wife had terminal cancer and who would raise the children after she was gone now that their father was gone too? They'd become orphans, and very poor ones at that. They were the only two to attend their mother's funeral. Little 9-year-old Becky and her 6-year-old brother Johnny.

Without a family outside of each other, they end up in the streets. Johnny died in a gutter in Becky's arms as people walked by without a passing glance. He looked up into her eyes and with his last dying breath, he whispered, "Becky... I can see Mommy and Daddy... They're calling to me... Becky... I have to go... I have to go... See you again soon..."
She rested her head on his, tears rolling down her face. She slowly drifted off into sleep, never to wake again.

All because you couldn't figure out the word "riffraff."

+2982991183 Reply

Baconnoisseur Baconnoisseur

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

83% agree
17% disagree
Post

Take a dump. Tell someone to go ** themselves. Date your best friend's mom. Say swear words. Spend all your cash on drugs. Have ** with someone random. Be sexy. Say screw you. Swear out loud. Laugh at stupid people. Make little kids cry. Don't apologize to the parents. Tell someone how to be mean. Tell a 13-year-old girl what you think of her stupid post. Stab someone until their stomach hurts. This is the way to live life, amirite?

+49050717167 Reply

eldorito

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

97% agree
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I used to be just plain awful at The Sims 1 until I began using cheat codes. One time, I made a family of poindexters, the youngest child of which was named Kurt. Kurt, an annoying boy who constantly wore a birthday hat, got on my nerves to the point where I decided there was no other humane option than to kill him in the most gruesome way possible. First, I built a small swimming pool, locked him inside of it without a ladder, and left him there. He swam all night long, and when the school bus came the next day, Kurt miraculously overcame the boundaries and hopped right on out of the pool. After this failed attempt and my inability to slap Kurt in his birthday hat wearing, glasses covered face, I decided to lock him in a two square foot room with a plate of cookies and await his impending doom. Kurt stood there crying, passing out, and perpetually wetting himself for seven days, completely ignoring his plate of cookies. He then walked out unharmed.

+4864871209 Reply

Desdemona

You disagreed. (Undo) (Show Numbers)

% agree
100% disagree
Post

The next Queen? She couldn't even be the next Lady of Gaga. Now don't get me started on that William kid. He's not even close to being Prince.

+324327376 Reply

fEMMAnist fEMMAnist

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