Instead of the Evolution Theory or the Creation Theory, every school should just teach Simon’s Theory: “Simon, how did the world begin?” “IT JUST FUCKING HAPPENED, OK?” “But why are we here?” “BECAUSE SHUT THE FUCK...

BTW, I don’t need the confirmation, I know I’m right. In fact, I should be given the authority to overhaul the entire education system.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

THE SCHOOL OF ST. SIMON (I was declared a Saint coz the Pope was like “Holy shit dude, why aren’t you a Saint yet?” and I was like “I know, right?”) 1. Every student shuts the fuck up and sits the fuck down in school and listens to their teacher, because kids backtalk too much these days. 2. Bullying will not be eradicated, and it will in fact be encouraged – kids nowadays are pussies. Learning to defend yourself and learning to develop a thick skin and not take shit seriously is an important part of education. 3. You don’t drop out, and if you do, you’re forced to either enter a trade course to learn how to be a plumber or something, or forced straight into work. No one is ending up on welfare on my watch. 4. If you’re too retarded to put a condom on, use birth control, dental dams, lubricant, etc., then you’re too retarded to have sex. And no sex at all before 16 – age of consent, motherfuckers.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

5. People are gonna have different religions, beliefs, cultures, etc. You’re gonna have to live with these people, so suck it up and deal with it. However, if someone has a really insane belief (ex. Holocaust denial) feel free to point and laugh at them at every available opportunitity. 6. If you fail a year, you have to go back to Year 1 and start again. Similar to the Elite four in Pokemon . If you fail Year 6, you have to go back to Year 1 and do that, then Year 2, then Year 3, etc. 7. If I find out that any teacher is a paedophile, I will personally go to their house, kick them in the crotch, bash them with a cricket bat, give them the middle finger and then fire them. 8. The debating club will be run like real politics – it doesn’t matter what you say, how good a point you make, whether your position is correct, etc. – all that matters is how many friends you have, and how much people like you.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

9. No socialisation that isn’t related to education. Be a fag in your own time, when you’re at school, you’re here to learn shit, not talk about the weekend. 10. To quote Summer Heights High: “If you fuck up in school, then you’re gonna fuck up in life. And that’s fucked.”

by Anonymous 14 years ago

Lol I see you've really thought this thing through.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

I was up all night working on my Screen Analysis assignment, and I typed this up as a "break" from it.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

This is how the education system should be.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

tit

by Anonymous 14 years ago

I do enjoy small birds

by Anonymous 14 years ago

Not to question your judgment, but I think that how loud you make your argument should factor into #8.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

Numbers 5 and 8 are just brilliant.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

In reference to rule #3: Plumbers make good money these days. I would suggest the kids do something like train to become a garbage man.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

You make me lol. :3

by Anonymous 14 years ago

Simon says :)

by Anonymous 14 years ago

It's too bad you're Australian. America's government could really use your way of thinking. I'd vote for ya!

by Anonymous 14 years ago

Creationism isn't a theory, it's a fairy tale.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

And evolution has nothing to do with the origin of the universe or world.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

Shit, you're right, it should have been "Big Bang Theory".

by Anonymous 14 years ago

@1213269 (Simon): i snorted

by Anonymous 14 years ago

I like this post, but, uh... Your quotes aren't amirite? quotes... " " :O

by Anonymous 14 years ago

I usually write posts in Microsoft Word before copy pasta-ing them here: Normal typing: "Hey" Microsoft Word copy and paste: “Hey”

by Anonymous 14 years ago

Oh, okay. Makes sense. “” <- Just tried it. Sorry about being all up in your business about your quotations. ._.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

Nah, it's cool, I just had an argument once with someone who accused me of stealing a post from Facebook or something because of the quotation marks, and it took me a while to find out why mine were different.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

Pasta-ing. That's fantastic. Using that from now on.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

Kinda disappointed :/ Expected a better quality post from Simon

by Anonymous 14 years ago

Holy fucking shit! Talking rice that has an opinion!?

by Anonymous 14 years ago

Yes! I've been waiting for this to get homepaged.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

Love the post but please remember that a theory is a proven scientific fact. Evolution is a theory in this sense, creationism is a "theory" in the sense of the modern-day usage of "a well-intentioned idea."

by Anonymous 14 years ago

I can't argue with what Simon says.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

you know your a baller when you can reference yourself in your own post

by Anonymous 14 years ago

Simon, it is time that I confess my undying love for you.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

too bad, hes gay.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

Aw well, I have a boyfriend.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

Amirite rule #45- if it has excessive amounts of profanity in caps lock, IT'S THE BEST DAMN POST IN THE FUCKING WORLD

by Anonymous 14 years ago

It makes sense. When Simon says shut the fuck up, you BETTER shut the fuck up...or...else. ...in other news, I had a really good comment for this post, but forgot it, and still felt obligated to say something.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

qwerdie u little shit if u have something to say just say it

by Anonymous 9 years ago

"Blythe, why is there air almost everywhere on Earth?" BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO SLUT, GO MAKE ME A FUCKING SANDWICH.

by Anonymous 14 years ago

I thought this had been homepaged already...?! And there's the POTD of two days ago... amirite, I am disappoint in your Just In organisation.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

How is this not homepaged yet? http://ctrlv.in/25854

by Anonymous 13 years ago

would just like to say that out of all of the posts I have ever read on here, this is the only one that stuck in my mind, and i think of it often.

by Anonymous 13 years ago