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Anti-jokes are sometimes funnier than real jokes nowadays. Example: Helen Keller walks into a bar. Then a table. Then a door. Amirite?

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yellowitsmees avatar Jokes & Humour
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Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone?
He was hit by a truck.

Anonymous +189Reply
@Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? He was hit by a truck.

Why did the little girl drop her ice cream? She was holding the boy's hand.

Anonymous -7Reply

A man walks into a bar.

His alcoholism is ruining his family.

Electrilizers avatar Electrilizer Yeah You Are +141Reply
@Electrilizer A man walks into a bar. His alcoholism is ruining his family.

A horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

He says, "My wife has terminal cancer."

@mchristie A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?" He says, "My wife has terminal cancer."

A horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The horse did not reply because horses can't talk.

Anonymous +9Reply
@A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse did not reply because horses can't talk.

Note how nearly every single one of the anti-jokes on this page are stolen from Anti-Joke.com.

Y are black people so good at basketball? Hard work and dedication

Why is six afraid of seven?

Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.

Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

Knock knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave fights back tears as he realizes his grandmothers alzheimers is getting worse

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@1303594

@1303594 (polarlarlarlar_bare): You're so gay, you have gay sex with people. And LIKE it.

@*sex with men. Anti joke fail.

(Anon:)): Well I didn't know if the person was a boy or girl, so I just put people.

What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.

yellowitsmees avatar yellowitsmee Yeah You Are +72Reply

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers.

What did the orphan get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Merediths avatar Meredith Yeah You Are +66Reply

Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't. Numbers are insentient and cannot experience fear.

There's a black man, a homosexual, and a Jew standing at a bar. What a great example of an integrated community.

"You know what's worse than wet socks?

Genocide."

Vitaes avatar Vitae Yeah You Are +55Reply
@Vitae "You know what's worse than wet socks? Genocide."

I love those replies.
"OMG WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN MY PHONE RUNNING OUT OF BATTERY ARGHHH!@$"
"The holocaust"

TalkingRices avatar TalkingRice Yeah You Are +25Reply

I like how this has turned into an anti-joke contest.

Yo momma is so ugly, she often finds it difficult to attract members of the opposite sex.

An Irish man walks out of a bar.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

@iamganontheumbreon An Irish man walks out of a bar. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Those lucky dyslexics! Getting away with things no one else would.

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@1308399

Nevermind, I get it. But it doesn't mean it isn't funny :3

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@1310077

Yeah I know, but it doesn't mean it's not funny.

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@1310554

lol, it's fine :P

Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.

iceeselenawizs avatar iceeselenawiz Yeah You Are +49Reply

How do you stop a clown from smiling? Hit it with an ax.
What's red and smells like blue paint? RED PAINT!
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding an apple in your worm.
What's worse than finding an apple in your worm? The Holocaust.

What do you call a black man flying a plane?

a pilot :/

Some_Dudes avatar Some_Dude Yeah You Are +42Reply

Ahhh, this actually made me laugh. I probably looked like an idiot laughing at the computer.

grettags avatar grettag Yeah You Are +37Reply

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a gun
Get in the van

LittleReds avatar LittleRed Yeah You Are +37Reply
@that doesn't rhyme.

neither do you.

Some_Dudes avatar Some_Dude Yeah You Are +43Reply
Anonymous -9Reply
@I don't get it...

roses are red
violets are BLUE
i have a gun
get in the van
that doesn't rhyme
and neither do YOU

Some_Dudes avatar Some_Dude Yeah You Are +21Reply
@Some_Dude roses are red violets are BLUE i have a gun get in the van that doesn't rhyme and neither do YOU

(Some_Dude):teamwork.
still, lol it's pretty off cause there are too many nonrhyming lines in between.

Anonymous -12Reply

What's worse than standing in line at Walmart?

Being raped.

What's worse than paying an outrageous amount for whatever shit you were buying at Walmart?

Finding out you're pregnant with a rape baby.

A man walks into a bar when his friend shouts "DUCK!" too late.

@KickAss (Chauncy Pickles): Dip, Dive, Dodge, and Duck again!

No. It's Dodge, Dip, Duck, Dive, and, um, dodge.

Anonymous +8Reply
@No. It's Dodge, Dip, Duck, Dive, and, um, dodge.

But he started with duck! So you have to end with duck, isn't that how it works?

@KickAss But he started with duck! So you have to end with duck, isn't that how it works?

I thought you ended with goose. And then the person you picked as goose has to chase you.

Anonymous +23Reply

Why do Mexicans have tamales on Christmas?

Because it's a tradition.

How do you make a plumber cry?
You kill all of his family

genes avatar gene Yeah You Are +18Reply

I read anti jokes with my poker face on.

Anonymous +15Reply

How many blonds does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Usually One. It depends where the light bulb is located. But mostly just one.

L0v3s avatar L0v3 Yeah You Are +12Reply

why did the little boy cry when he sat on santa's lap?

santas boner reminded him of his rapist father.

banana_pancakess avatar banana_pancakes Yeah You Are +12Reply

I'm going to hell for laughing at all of these.

Zias avatar Zia Yeah You Are +8Reply

knock, knock.

who's there?

not susie.

why did susie fall of the swing?

Because she had no arms.

What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff?
They were my friends.

Wickes2404s avatar Wickes2404 Yeah You Are -5Reply
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@1303390

I agree. You can't really have an anti-joke of the bar-type jokes

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@1303639

How did she find this bar? Was it recommended by someone? Why a drink?

I like how all the comments on this post are so unoriginal. Anti jokes used to be funny but then everyone went around and told the SAME ONES over and over that now their just lame.

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@1305352

Oh wow that's not like me to get that wrong. Thanks for correcting me.

And just to prove my point, how many of these were said in the comments? Almost all of them were copied I can bet. http://anti-joke.com/

@AntiJokeChicken Oh wow that's not like me to get that wrong. Thanks for correcting me. And just to prove my point, how many of...

Or you know, people could have used these funny little things called their brains to remember anti-jokes that they found funny and posted them in the comments so that like-minded individuals could enjoy them too. But that's just a theory. :/

Anonymous +24Reply
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