"Welcome to heaven, NOW HAVE SEX WITH OSAMA"
Something doesn't sound right
Yeah, the whole welcome to heaven thing is kind of awkward. Like I just died, how about a "I'm sorry about your death" or "Don't worry, you're in a better place now". Just because it's heaven, doesn't mean I don't deserve a proper welcoming.
Oh, and the sex with a hairy, smelly, murderer wouldn't be to good either.
Hey, that's stereotyping. There are plenty of terrorists that are neither hairy nor smelly.
You'd know that, having lived in a federal prison for thirty years now.
Why would I make you have sex with Osama? He's old news up here. You'd probably end up having sex with some other terrorist who had died more recently.
Terrorists go to heaven?
The kind ones do.
there are kind terrorists?
... no comment.
That's a comment ^
Acording to what they have been told, yes.
It's the same with Christians: according to what you have been told, you will go to heaven.
Terrorism isn't a joking matter you guys, that being said, do you know what type of pizzas were last ordered at the World Trade Center? Two large Planes.
And if anyone was wondering, the Twin Towers did give the delivery boy a tip.
I got hit by a snowball on 9/11. The 9th of November I mean.
damn i posted that joke but it got deleted because some gay bitches were bitching
Terrorists are so dumb. They're like "Hey, my religion says I'll go to heaven if I die in a religious war. I think I'm going to go crash a plane and hurt some people, then I'll be a martyr."
agreed. they just pick and choose and
misinterpret the teachings of their their religion. i mean, basically, they just fuck all the shit up.
I have to admit this took me a minute. .
I have to admit this, I dropped food on the ground, and ate it after 6 seconds, not 5. (cry2)
Why would you ever admit such a thing!?! Shame on you!
I don't get it...
Abu Wardeh, who recruited terrorists for suicide bombings in Israel was quoted saying: “[...] become a martyr, God will give you 70 virgins, 70 wives and everlasting happiness.”
(pretty sure he wasn't the only guy who said that btw)
This post is saying that you may be one of those 70 virgins. XD
You should in the mail tomorrow
They tell terrorists to go on suicide missions because if they do, when they die they'll get 72 virgins.
I was promised 72 virgins after I died and this is what i got -_-
Damn. That's sexy.
okay, thanks for clearing that up.
72 you say?
I THINK so. Maybe just 70 lol.
A career as a terrorist just got a whole lot more appealing!
Hmmm, then what's terrorist hell? Probably being locked in a cramped, blinding white room, forced to watch Twilight and listen to Friday non-stop forever.
You kids and your pop culture references.
No way. We aren't that harsh, not even to terrorists.
That's anyone's hell.
I think that counts as hell for everyone... Not just terrorists
JINGLE BOMBS, JINGLE BOMBS, MINE BLEW UP YOU SEEEEEEEEEEEE
WHERE ARE ALL ZE VIRGINS THAT BINLADIN PROMISED MEEEEEEE???
<3 Achmed the dead terrorist.
If I have sex with a terrorist on Earth, does that mean he won't get any in heaven?
No, he just gets 71 virgins
Does Voldemort count? That sexy thing; and he's a virgin too
How do you know? Tom Riddle was pretty handsome in his day... I bet he knew how to get down.
Is that you, Wormtail?
lololololololol I was always strict with the comments I loved. But ZOMG!!
Why thank you, kind sir
Oh I'm sorry. I didn't realize I wasn't allowed to be excited. No one was offended by my comment and you still get upset by it. Does that make you feel big? You feel strong now? I assume that this thirst for power only comes from your repressed homosexuality. So because I don't want this to be a hate crime I will calm down for you.
Obviously other people were offended because they voted down on it. And where do I demonstrate thirst for power or homosexuality? Stop pulling ideas out of your ass. And I'm not voting you down because doing that to someone you're arguing with is just a tad bit pathetic.
Trolololol uMad, bro?
I think Bellatrix already took his virginity. Sorry.
THAT SLUT. D:
I only understood this because of Jeff Dunham and the "SILENCE, I KILL YOU!" puppet-thing.
At least you lose your virginity
This reminded me of starship. :S
"Thank deadGod, I thought I was gonna die a virgin!"
Well I'm safe, I hear there aren't many gay muslim terrorists...
That made me think of Jeff Dunham's comedy act with Achmed the Dead Terrorist.
Achmed: Wait, if I'm dead, that means I get my 72 virgins! Are you my virgins? I hope not.
Achmed: There's a bunch of ugly-ass guys out there! If this is Paradise I've been screwed!
Jeff: Well, did they say it would be only female virgins?
Achmed: Holy crap!
Terrorists can be women. I'm sure they don't care about your sexuality.
Who said anything about the terrorist being Muslim?
The 72 virgins thing is related to Islam, is it not?
Technically, yes. I'll spare you the explanation. But I'm asking why he inserted 'Muslim' after that 'gay terrorist' part.
Geez, when your religion gets one too many extremists in its new fan club, completely screw up their moralities, say all this stuff about going to heaven, then plant new plans to destroy the world, that religion gets a bit notorious.
Actually, it's better that he specified. The same comment wouldn't apply, for example, to Christian or atheist terrorists. He's referring to terrorists who are Muslim - not to terrorists or Muslims in general.
All gay people go to hell anyway.
Jesus hung around 12 dudes all day every day. And Judas greeted him with a kiss. Did Jesus go to hell?
Yeah he did.
How do chip sound?
No, I want two large plane pizzas ^
Hey Crobat, someone once told me that Hell is a circular room with a feast in the middle and a fence keeping everyone back from it. The people all have long forks with which they can pick up food, but the forks are too long to maneuver into their mouths and so everyone is hungry and everyone is miserable. Heaven is right next door and it looks exactly the same, only everyone is using their long forks to feed each other.
I think you've sinned.
I once heard that there was this baby and he was born with a tail and the parents were all like "HOLY JIZZ WE GAVE BIRTH TO THE DEVIL!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!1" but the doctor was all "This is not unheard of. You did not give birth to the devil." And they were all liek "Well we don't want it." So the doctor slapped them and left.
I would have slapped those parents, too! Shouting "one" in the presence of a newborn... THE NERVE!
I may or may not have made that all up. Also, I'm still hungry
Is that why I don't see my pickles anywhere?
I love me some Chauncy Pickles
I've heard that same story at the Zen Buddhist temple, but they used chopsticks. I was confused; I didn't think they believed in either heaven or hell.
'CAUSE I'M A WILDFLOWER! YEAH, IMMA WILDFLOWER GROWIN' IN THE SUNSHINE, SOAKIN' UP THE WAY OF LIFE I WAS RAISED IN
SO FAR AWAYYYYYY! SO FAR AWAY FOR FAR TOO LOOONGGGG
CAUSE YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOOOOOWW. THAT I LOVE YOU, AND I LOVED YOU ALL ALONG
HE'S GOT TWO LEFT FEET, AND HE BITES MY MOVES. I'M NOT GONNA TEACH HIM HOW TO DANCE-DANCE-DANCE-DANCE-DANCE!
SO DANCE DANCE LIKE IT'S THE LAST LAST NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE LIFE
I WAS TAUGHT ONLY REACH FOR THA HEAT IF YOU BUSTIN, SO WHEN I LIFT MA SHIRT IT'S THE END OF DISCUSSION
MA TRIGGA BLOWS NIGGAS OUT THEY SHOES AND SOCKS, I GUARANTEE I WONT MISS YOU IF I USE THA DOT
YOU BETTER LOSE YOURSELF IN THE MUSIC, THE MOMENT YOU OWN YOU BETTER NEVER LET IT GO GO YOU ONLY GOT ONE SHOT DO NOT MISS YOUR CHANCE TO BLOW THIS OPPORTUNITY COMES ONCE IN A LIFE TIME
So I realized we no longer are singing the same song so :(
MOTHERFUCK DRE, MOTHERFUCK SNOOP, MOTHERFUCK DEATH ROW
AND HERE COMES MY LEFT BLOW
THE STARS! THE MOON! THEY HAVE ALL BEEN BLOWN OUT! THE WORLD IS IN THE DARK!
I thought that was obvious...
LOOK CHAUNCY, I'M SICK OF YOUR SHIT, EXPLAIN WHERE THE PICKLES ARE
...What's the password?
What is this I don't even...
ANSWER MY QUESTION
AND YOU DO THE HOKEY POKEY AND YOURSELF AROUND!!
I know I've put on weight! You don't have to bring attention to the fact!
... (cry2) Where's my gallon of Rocky Road?
THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT
What are yu doing...
OOOOOOAAH, WE'RE HALF WAY THERE OOOOOOOOO-OOOH LIVIN' ON A PRAYER. TAKE MY HAND AND WE'LL MAKE IT I SWEAR OHHHHAAAAH LIVIN' ON A PRAYER.
Oh and "what are yu doing...?" I am doing your mom^^
AND I SAID, ROMEO TAKE ME SOMEWHERE WE CAN BE ALONE, I'LL BE WAITING ALL THERE'S LEFT TO DO IS RUN, YOU'LL BE THE PRINCE AND I'LL BE THE PRINCESS IT'S A LOVE STORY BABY JUST SAY YESSSSSSS
A WHOLE NEW WORLD! A DAZZLING PLACE I NEVER KNEW!
I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD! SHINING SHIMMERING SPLENDOR!
ITS ALL JUST AROUND THE RIVER BEND!
WINTER WRAP UP WINTER WRAP UP LET'S FINISH OUR HOLIDAY CHEER
THAT'S THE JINGLE BELL ROCK
HE TOOK A MIDNIGHT TRAIN GOING ANYWHEEEEEERE
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH HEY OH OH OH OH OH OH HEY FOUR YEARS YOU THINK FOR SURE THAT'S ALL YOU'VE GOT TO ENDURE
I laughed because the vote is currently on 666.
5 MINUTES TO GET RID OF IT.
It's always been 5 seconds for me... I feel cheated.
would terrorists even be in heaven? i dont think so...
Muslim extremists believe that terrorism will send them to heaven, where 72 virgins will be waiting for them. That's their entire motive for suicide bombing.
ohhh. srry i get it now. thx
Well I wouldn't consider bombings in Israel as terrorist attacks, because Israelis live in houses of Palestinians who were either killed, taken as hostages or kicked from their own land. In this case, the people who accepted living in their place are as bad as the ones who kicked them out int he first place.
They only make it if it's Allah's shift. I don't stay up all day and night forever. We take turns.
DUDE YOU AND ALLAH ARE THE SAME THING.
And you would know this, seeing ad you are the all-knowing one in this conversation.
stfu & enjoy the post
Since they died and transitioned into after life
GROOSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Vomits tears of disgust
If you vomit tears, then you have more problems than just a disturbing image in your head.
Dont worry u wont
Thank you so much for reassuring me! I was on the verge of calling a prostitute.
...on the virgin of calling a prostitute.
If you're on a virgin, why do you need to call a prostitute?
No one said it was a naked virgin. For all we know, they're playing leap frog, or twister, or having sex, or he fell on her as he was mugging her.
This is probably in my top 1 of weirdest conversations to have ever read anywhere list.
I'm afraid that I might fall because I am so high in the air, so the virgin I am on is calling a prostitute to help me down.
..Are you serious or?
No, stupid, he meant virgins.
Virginity is a race now too?
Yhhhhhhhh thts kinda crap soz
Yea? Well so is your grammar.
It's clearly a joke...