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+164Serial killer friends never hold grudges because they always bury the hatchet. amirite?
That's a great way to tell someone you want a divorce.
"These flowers will last as long as our marriage."
"These flowers are dead."
"Yeah, we need to talk"
Yeah, but then you have to buy or find some flowers. A more simple approach would be:
"These flowers will last as long as our marriage."
"You aren't holding any flowers."
"Yeah, we need to talk."
Or, if you're really impatient and want an even simpler way to go, you could just come up to them and say, "I want a divorce" and walk away before they can say anything else.
This process would be much simpler if you start this in the beginning of the relationship, but this is the route I would take:
"These flowers will last as long as our marriage."
"But that's okay because you're an alchemist, right? You can keep them alive as long as we use the souls of living flowers to meld stronger souls for these flowers, right?"
"Yeah, we need to talk."
How about instead of flowers, we just switch to something different.
''What I'm holding is as happy and healthy as our relationship.''
''You're holding a bomb.''
''Yeah, we need to--'' BOOM!
I feel like every comment including and following this one deserves a slow clap that progressively turns into an uproarious clap of big proportions.
They're trying to say, "These flowers are like our love; beautiful at first, but then starts to die and we hold onto it until it's ugly and falling apart and then we throw it away. Happy anniversary!"
Or they could give plastic flowers and say, "These flowers are like our love; completely and utterly fake, as well as a magnet for dust and spiders."
Or give a condom to your girlfriend. "Baby, our relationship is durable, flexible, and reliable. But once I cum in you, you're going in the trash."
BAD DOG!
shut up BITCH.. oh wait i'm a bitch.
i win.
*
If I love someone, I give them chocolate. It says, "Hey! I love you, but if a bear was chasing us, I'd rather you be slower and chunkier"
This is along the same lines as your boyfriend getting you a puppy, or making babies, because they die, too, right?
haha "Honey I love you. So I made you a baby. Now you can watch it die slowly. Because I love you."
We live to die.
I live to kill.
That's why you get fake ones- "These are fake flowers, they'll last forever, just like our love. Not to mention the were soo much cheaper then real ones, I mean have you seen prices these days?"
Or "These are fake flowers: they will last as long as our love, but they are also cheap and fake, which is also like our love."
Look up ^^^
"Post Of The Day on Sep 7th 2011"
Lol, it's still the 6th where I am.
It always makes me feel like a time traveler.
Oh the joys of owning a time macne...
In England they are 3 hours ahead. It's September 7th where they live, 12:05 this very second.
Lol, the POTD works on UK time. It's still the 6th in half the world.
Here's a link for other smart people like you.
http://amirite.net/help
You're not
I feel like people have said something similar to this more than a few times on here.
Me too
...Yes...
They made this POTD while I was on the site, I refreshed the page and the POTD changed. I was just pointing out that it was slightly amusing that it was labeled being made POTD on the 7th, while it is still the 6th where I am.
I am aware that the "Post of the DAY" lasts for 24 hours, hence the "of the day" part (a day is 24 hours).
The worst part of this comment is that it was made today.
I used flowers to tell my wife how long our baby would be in the womb. I said, "When these flowers die, our baby will be born." The flowers died in 3 months. In 3 months, my wife also had a miscarriage. I think something went wrong. :(
Well that's just a cheerful thing to post on the Internet.
I don't like your story...
The flowers were probably the wrong color.
Wet.
Pro-tip: Buy seeds instead. That way, you can turn it into a metaphor for how you're planting your love together, and then have much sexy timez in the future.
Planting your seeds.....
Stop sniffing your fingers, weirdo!
If you love someone, give them a wedding ring. It says, "Hey! I love you, but I want some sort of gauge to how fat you're getting."
Like most People already did, I was going to post a witty comment about fake flowers but it was already done. (cry2)
This is a Demetri Martin joke.
This is an observation.
This is a sketch.
This is an observation of the observation.
This is not Patrick.
No, this IS Patrick.
No, it's Chauncy.
Everything has been done by Demetri Martin
Including me.
Don't make me regret it...
But this is his joke, almost word for word.
Who needs water and a vase?
...They still die.
Calm down, Debbie Downer.
More like scoff! The idea that there could ever be MANY of me.
Cue Highlander reference.
-Highlander reference-
I meant the other one.
YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT, GIVE ME A CHANCE BRO!
Okay, broham. I'll give you a hint. The reference I am thinking of is the one where somebody (I'm not sure who because I didn't watch the movie) says that he has the power, and the other guy's response to that is what I am referring to.
i love demetri lol
Also, OP could have added the flowers are genitals. "Here, watch these plant genitals rot slowly, because I love you." sounds even more romantic, amirite?
Simply saying flowers are genitals does not make it so. Unless you are me, as stated by the Fourth Rule of Truth.
Or even buying them "Hey I bought these plants that grow out of the ground just for you"
Also it's like, here, have some plant reproductive systems honey, that's romantic!
That's why you get your S.O. a potato. They never die and they continue to grow :)
Until you chop them up, fry them, and eat them.
Kinda like what you should do with your significant other.
I regret adding this post to my favorites...
Too many comments? It's irksome -.-
Yeah idec anymore unless it's about me or anything I've said lol
The voice I read this in made it all the better.
oh I love you too
"Better put your feet in some water"
tHATS SOO SWEET
i AGRRE WITH Meandmycat
You must be new...
Making posts like this is kind of a weird idea. Like: Arbitrarily cross-examining something most people would consider a genuinely nice gesture and then only managing to come up with a perspective that nobody would ever actually consider.
You think too much for this site.
What's with all this hate?
Extreme dislikers gonna extreme dislike.
It's a joke, though.
Ok. I would have agreed with you if I didn't think the joke was funny, so I get what you mean.