+1,539 Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you. amirite?

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Who needs water and a vase?

by Anonymous 13 years ago

...They still die. un

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Calm down, Debbie Downer.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

They're trying to say, "These flowers are like our love; beautiful at first, but then starts to die and we hold onto it until it's ugly and falling apart and then we throw it away. Happy anniversary!"

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Or they could give plastic flowers and say, "These flowers are like our love; completely and utterly fake, as well as a magnet for dust and spiders."

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Or give a condom to your girlfriend. "Baby, our relationship is durable, flexible, and reliable. But once I cum in you, you're going in the trash."

by Anonymous 13 years ago

BAD DOG! no

by Anonymous 13 years ago

shut up BITCH.. oh wait i'm a bitch.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

i win. hello

by Anonymous 13 years ago

*smirk

by Anonymous 13 years ago

That's why you get fake ones- "These are fake flowers, they'll last forever, just like our love. Not to mention the were soo much cheaper then real ones, I mean have you seen prices these days?"

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Look up ^^^

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Or "These are fake flowers: they will last as long as our love, but they are also cheap and fake, which is also like our love."

by Anonymous 13 years ago

That's a great way to tell someone you want a divorce. "These flowers will last as long as our marriage." "These flowers are dead." "Yeah, we need to talk"

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Yeah, but then you have to buy or find some flowers. A more simple approach would be: "These flowers will last as long as our marriage." "You aren't holding any flowers." "Yeah, we need to talk."

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Or, if you're really impatient and want an even simpler way to go, you could just come up to them and say, "I want a divorce" and walk away before they can say anything else.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

This process would be much simpler if you start this in the beginning of the relationship, but this is the route I would take: "These flowers will last as long as our marriage." "But that's okay because you're an alchemist, right? You can keep them alive as long as we use the souls of living flowers to meld stronger souls for these flowers, right?" "Yeah, we need to talk."

by Anonymous 13 years ago

How about instead of flowers, we just switch to something different. ''What I'm holding is as happy and healthy as our relationship.'' ''You're holding a bomb.'' ''Yeah, we need to--'' BOOM!

by Anonymous 13 years ago

I feel like every comment including and following this one deserves a slow clap that progressively turns into an uproarious clap of big proportions. y

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Pro-tip: Buy seeds instead. That way, you can turn it into a metaphor for how you're planting your love together, and then have much sexy timez in the future.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Planting your seeds.....hehe

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Stop sniffing your fingers, weirdo!

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Like most People already did, I was going to post a witty comment about fake flowers but it was already done. (cry2)

by Anonymous 13 years ago

This is a Demetri Martin joke.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

This is an observation.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

This is an observation of the observation.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

This is not Patrick.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

No, this IS Patrick.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

No, it's Chauncy.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

cool

by Anonymous 13 years ago

This is a sketch.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Everything has been done by Demetri Martin

by Anonymous 13 years ago

But this is his joke, almost word for word.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Including me.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Don't make me regret it... ono

by Anonymous 13 years ago

This is along the same lines as your boyfriend getting you a puppy, or making babies, because they die, too, right?

by Anonymous 13 years ago

haha "Honey I love you. So I made you a baby. Now you can watch it die slowly. Because I love you."

by Anonymous 13 years ago

We live to die.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

I live to kill. cool

by Anonymous 13 years ago

I used flowers to tell my wife how long our baby would be in the womb. I said, "When these flowers die, our baby will be born." The flowers died in 3 months. In 3 months, my wife also had a miscarriage. I think something went wrong. :(

by Anonymous 13 years ago

I don't like your story...

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Well that's just a cheerful thing to post on the Internet.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

The flowers were probably the wrong color.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Wet.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

i love demetri lol

by Anonymous 13 years ago

"Better put your feet in some water"

by Anonymous 13 years ago

The voice I read this in made it all the better.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

If I love someone, I give them chocolate. It says, "Hey! I love you, but if a bear was chasing us, I'd rather you be slower and chunkier"

by Anonymous 13 years ago

If you love someone, give them a wedding ring. It says, "Hey! I love you, but I want some sort of gauge to how fat you're getting."

by Anonymous 13 years ago

oh I love you too

by Anonymous 13 years ago

That's why you get your S.O. a potato. They never die and they continue to grow :)

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Until you chop them up, fry them, and eat them. Kinda like what you should do with your significant other.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Or even buying them "Hey I bought these plants that grow out of the ground just for you"

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Also, OP could have added the flowers are genitals. "Here, watch these plant genitals rot slowly, because I love you." sounds even more romantic, amirite?

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Simply saying flowers are genitals does not make it so. Unless you are me, as stated by the Fourth Rule of Truth.

by Anonymous 13 years ago

tHATS SOO SWEET i AGRRE WITH Meandmycat

by Anonymous 13 years ago

You must be new...

by Anonymous 13 years ago

I regret adding this post to my favorites...

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Too many comments? It's irksome -.-

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Yeah idec anymore unless it's about me or anything I've said lol

by Anonymous 13 years ago

Also it's like, here, have some plant reproductive systems honey, that's romantic!

by Anonymous 13 years ago