Next time you get a bad waiter, see how long they can wait before they force you to order something. Like every time they come over, just say "I'd like to order the salm...actually can you give me a couple more minutes?" and replace the food item each time they ask. It could be interesting to see how long their patience would last, amirite?

I'd get too hungry.

Douche.

how would you know if it is a bad waiter if you hadn't ordered anything yet?

If you want spit in your food

"So, honey, how did you like our special night out?"
"We never even ate anything!"
"Well, no, but I sure was good at making that waiter angry!"
"Oh, THAT'S what you were doing in there?"

I would totally do that, and then leave a massive tip to make up for it.