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There seems to be a lot of confusion when it comes to being in the "friend-zone". Being in the friend-zone means that you have asked the person out and their excuse is that they do not want to ruin the friendship. Friend-zone doesn't mean you are best friends with your crush and that you don't have the balls or ovaries to ask them out. So basically, if there was no asking out, then there is no friend-zone to be in, amirite?

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The problem is that people believe it's simply that - an "excuse" not to go out with someone. It never seems to occur to them that, you know, someone could genuinely not be interested in dating them despite how "nice" they may think they are. They're not just making excuses. They just sincerely don't want to date you, but do want to be friends.

Instead of respecting their decision and still being happy with being friends, the "friend-zone" is a derogatory term for friendship. It implies they think they "deserve" a relationship, that anything short of a sexual/romantic relationship is a failure. It puts the blame on the object of their affection for being so unspeakably mean as to turn down their offer for sex even though they were, gasp, NOT a jerk to them!

(I say "them" because, hey, this does occasionally happen the other way around... but let's face it, this pretty much started out as a male-is-the-friendzoned-victim, female-is-the-friendzoning-perpetrator thing, and is still mostly a male thing now.)

@Chou The problem is that people believe it's simply that - an "excuse" not to go out with someone. It never seems to...

Yeah, for a while I thought I had been friend-zoned many times but then I realized I actually hadn't. So as of now, I remain neutral. Friend-zone is just another one of those terms (like 'talking') that I'm never going to understand because everybody seems to have different variations of what it means to them. It's probably better not to understand it. If I like someone regardless of our friendship status, I'm going to let them know it and that's that.

Wait.. now I'm confused. There are so many different situations that could lead up to the dreaded friend-zone that there really can't be a standard definition for it. So I guess I'll conclude with this:

1) If you're friends with a person of the opposite sex and don't have stronger feelings for them, don't ask them out.

2) If you're friends ... and DO have stronger feelings for them, grow up and tell them your feelings but don't be a little crybaby if they don't have the same feelings towards you.

3) If you're friends ... and DO have stronger feelings for them, tell them how you feel. If they have the same feelings for you but are worried about the friendship, then TAKE A CHANCE. <-- This is what I've usually considered to be the true 'friend-zone'.. when BOTH friends love each other but are afraid it'll taint their friendship.

4) If you're friends ... and DO ... , tell them how you feel. If they have the same feelings and want to date, awesome. smile smilie Everything works out.

There are an endless number of scenarios but I think a lot of them can fall under these four basic categories.

@StickCaveman Wait.. now I'm confused. There are so many different situations that could lead up to the dreaded friend-zone that...

What about if there was no asking out, and the person the "victim" (for lack of better term) is friends with says "oh, _, you're such a good friend!"

Is that friendzone?

@mchalla3 What about if there was no asking out, and the person the "victim" (for lack of better term) is friends with says...

If there was no asking out, there is no friend-zone. No asking out is just friends. A person could like their friend and not say anything, but until the one with the crush speaks up, there's no conformation of that person being friend-zoned... if any of that makes sense.

All these friendzone posts!

Chewbanshees avatar Chewbanshee Yeah You Are +3Reply
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Chewbanshees avatar Chewbanshee Yeah You Are 0Reply

I believe that there doesn't need to be any asking out. For instance, say you're really good friends with a girl, and you also have feelings for her. You'll be there to comfort her, go out to lunch, etc., and then she'll say something like, "I'm so glad we're friends," and truly mean it. I would consider that being friend zoned, even though there was no asking out.

@Dinosaurs I believe that there doesn't need to be any asking out. For instance, say you're really good friends with a girl...

Really? Because I say that to my girlfriend all the time, and most of my relationships have come from close friendships. I don't think that means she or he isn't interested in and of itself. Why not just ask?

Suzywaos avatar Suzywao Yeah You Are +3Reply
@Dinosaurs It's meant as "I'm so glad we're JUST friends."

Why on earth would you arbitrarily interpret it that way without asking for clarification, or just informing her of your feelings? As I said, I have said to significant others that I'm glad we're friends, without meaning it in that way at all.

Suzywaos avatar Suzywao Yeah You Are +3Reply
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