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If a woman does not want to take her fiance's last name, it means that she doesn't love him enough or is embarassed a little, amirite?

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It's also a lot of work changing everything that has your name attached to it to the new last name. Changing your last name is just tradition, hence why it isn't mandatory. It's not a gauge for how much someone loves someone else. In my opinion, if they love each other, then the guy shouldn't care what the girls last name is. He's marrying her to be with her, not to spread his name.

ScottyDs avatar ScottyD No Way +23Reply

Not really. My name has always been a part of me. It identifies me. It's who I am. If my husband really loved me, he'd be okay with that. What's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. (Was that the quote? I think I messed up a few words)

@SuperSukh Not really. My name has always been a part of me. It identifies me. It's who I am. If my husband really loved me...

While it's nice that you're thinking of the benefits your children will receive from carrying your name, by framing your argument with this rhetoric you are still perpetuating patriarchical standards. Whether or not it was intentional (and I don't get the impression it was), by phrasing it the way you did, you are implying that your future wife's name has less 'weight' to it than yours does, which inherently places her at a lower social standing.

Also, 'passing on my name would probably help any sons get into one of the top schools' does little to benefit your daughters. Similarly, having to 'really really' prefer her name before you become 'almost neutral,' shows little will on your side to compromise. You might want to pay a little more attention to your diction.

And as for social norms, it was the norm in the 1950's for women to stay home and cook and clean, and for blacks to attend different schools. The fact that it is a norm offers no justification and does not imply that it is right.

Anonymous +1Reply
@SuperSukh Not really. My name has always been a part of me. It identifies me. It's who I am. If my husband really loved me...

You replied to the wrong comment.

There's nothing wrong with my diction.It's just the idea of my name in my bloodline ending with me that doesn't sit right. I grew up expecting it so not passing it on would feel weird. It doesn't matter what name my kids have for the daughters because no one was an important figure in the top girls school history. If they takes wife's name, no one benefits but if they take my name at least the sons get something.

And yes, if we're talking about family importance, my name would probably have slightly (not an underestimate, really slightly) more weight. I don't want to go into family history, so just accept the given factor.

I would prefer if my name were passed on, but if my wife can't handle that, I would probably let her pass hers on. The weight should be 50/50 and double barreled names are out of the question, so if either name is passed on over the other its a just so happens thing, not that one is more important over the other.

No, not always. Some women these days simply struggle with the thought that they will no longer be an individual after getting married, so they keep their last name in an attempt to individualize themselves from their husbands.

I, however, am thrilled and honored that I will get to share my fiancee's last name in just a few more months.

And sometimes the guy's last name just sounds weird with the girl's first name.

Or maybe she just wants to keep her name. I can't imagine changing my name, it's a part of my identity. Plus my name would sound really bad with any other last name; imagine: Shurie Jefferson.

My Dad took my Mums last name, so I have no issues with that, but I do think its better for married couples to have the same last name. More...unified?

No. They have just risen beyond the barbaric tradition of trading women like cattle.

lanas avatar lana No Way +7Reply

If a man does not want to take his fiancee's last name, it means that he doesn't love her enough or is embarassed a little.

See, that sounds silly. It just means she wants to keep her name. It isn't a personal attack.

Chous avatar Chou No Way +7Reply

This is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.

Nope. Where I'm from it's simply tradition to keep your last name. Is that a problem?

I would like my future wife to take my last name, but I have no problem if she want to keep hers. It's my kids that I really want to pass my name on to. I have no problem with double barreled Caucasian last names, but I'm Chinese, so it'll sound really weird. My last name is Yap, so it'll be like Yap-Lin or Yap-Tan or Yap-Tang, all of which kind of assault my ears.

Anonymous +10Reply
@B10ckH34d I would like my future wife to take my last name, but I have no problem if she want to keep hers. It's my kids that...

Well sorry. It's just a preference. If it were so important to my wife that they take on her name, I'd go along with it. I like how you only focus on the patriarchal bit an totally ignore my being completely fine with whatever name she wants to take on be it hers, mine or Yap-xxx.

Besides, what makes her more important than me? I think we'd be equal, so there's no reason to go either way. Current social norms say that it should be the father's name, so I grew up assuming that my kids would have my surname. I find it hard to imagine otherwise, but as stated above, if it's important enough to my wife, I'd let our kids take her name. Also, I'm an only child, so passing on my surname is the only way to keep my family name alive in my bloodline.

It's also not as if I have a crappy heritage. In fact, passing on my name would probably help any sons get into one of the top schools here in Singapore. They'd still be descended from a guy in the school's history, but the connection would be more prominent if they shared a name.

I like my name, but if I really really prefer hers, I'd be a lot less opposed to the idea. In fact, almost neutral.

My name is Harper Hay. I plan on being successful and sort of well-known in my trade, so changing my name in the midst of that wouldn't be helpful. Also I can't think of any other last name that really works with my first.

Well if you have anything published, it would be almos ludicrous to change your last name. Most people opt for hyphenated names because that allows a compromise, but even thn it can be difficult. Plus all the reasons mentioned above.

Wynauts avatar Wynaut No Way +2Reply
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