+179 If you've already built, furnished and fully paid for your dream home exactly the way you imagined it, no one, not even your spouse should have the right to force you to move or even change anything. They can request it and you can oblige, but they cannot force, amirite?

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Could they force you anyways? Obviously they can't force you to change your home regardless of whether it's your dream house.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

They can divorce you. that's pretty much forcing.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Yeah but if you ask them to move in with you, you have to be prepared to compromise at least a little

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Yeah, but nothing major (large furniture that is considerably different from your current set is major.). I said you can oblige their requests.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Okay, but if someone else is living with you - like a spouse or other family - shouldn't they have a say in what's goes on? You can't be refusing to make any compromise and then complain if they, say, divorce you (as you said above). It's kind of selfish to expect everyone to live in a house that is catered solely around YOUR needs. I support that no one should be able to tell you how to furnish your house if they don't live there, but shouldn't another resident get some choice?

by Anonymous 12 years ago

If it's your name on the deed, as in you paid for it in full and it is yours and yours alone, they shouldn't be able to make any major changes without first consulting you. You should oblige, but even if you don't you should not be made to. Since it's your dream home, whatever changes you don't approve would have degraded your quality of life.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Okay, I agree with that principle, but isn't agreeing to cohabitate a two-way thing? For example, if you were the one with the job, whilst a spouse cared for any children, looked after the home, or had other commitments, would you say they can't spend ANY money without your approval? And they can't change a single thing in the home? That doesn't sound like a mutual relationship. It sounds like you think they owe you something, and that you think YOU should make all the rules and they shouldn't persist in changing anything if you just say "no". I'm not saying you do think that, but it is sounding like a very one-way dynamic. Maybe it's just down to trusting your partner's judgment - if you can't do that, maybe it is not in (both of) your interest(s) to cohabitate. That's just my opinion and, obviously, if you ran this by your spouse and they agreed to it, those are your decisions and I completely support your right to make them.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Actually, my ideal family model would be me working and my wife staying home, but that can be changed if she makes more money, or we need both incomes to live. My pay would be put into a common account for any family expenditure. The card needs both our signatures to work. At the end of the month, the remaining sum is split 50/50 into each of our private accounts. We spend on whatever we want as long as it doesn't alter anything in the other's ownership. Assuming I have completed my dream home, I would still discuss any and all changes she would like to make, and use a house design program to see what it'll look like. The design will be tweaked so I still have something very close to an ideal home, and she feels that she made some contribution. This will also protect both our stuff in case of a divorce, because everything has a definite ownership. The only thing that can be fought over is custody of children.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Ah, no, I wasn't saying you wouldn't pool resources. :) Sorry, I worded that badly. I'm just saying it's comparable to not wanting a spouse to alter your home at all because you designed and paid for it - the attitude of "I got it, so I alone can do anything with it" is very similar. Which in a marraige, creates a big power disparity, which can be problematic for couples if either partner feels they're being treated unfairly. Still, like I said before, it is ultimately down to the couple on how their want their relationship, home and care of any children to be handled. Thank for you the civil discussion, I can see what you mean better now.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

"Love you know I adore you and I would never force you to change anything in your dream home, but can we not have your dildo collection in the baby's room?" also, no one ever considers that the psycho spouse who won't let anything change could be a man. Women are the crazy ones

by Anonymous 12 years ago

I said I'd let her change stuff, but not if it's going to severely degrade everything or something like that.

by Anonymous 12 years ago