And if the wife is also working 9 hours straight then the husband can help take care of the kids.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Yes. I probably should have been more specific about the wife not having a job.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

And taking care of kids is a full time job as well. Except your bosses never let you rest, they scream, and they poop their pants. And it doesn't end at 5:00. It keeps going all night long. Taking care of kids is not changing a dirty diaper ever now and then. It is being in charge of another person's life and literally doing everything for them 24/7.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

You're throwing this way out of proportion! I never said that taking care of kids is easy! You know what, tell me if I should even bother explaining or are you not interested, cause I won't go in a dead end argument.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Well that escalated quickly. You said that husbands should not have to change the baby's diaper if they work and the wife does not, implying that the wife has it easy by sitting at home all day and apparently doing nothing. Oh, except taking care of the kids.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Look, I'm not trying to start an argument. I disagree with your post and I simply explained why.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

There's a difference between what I said and what you thought I said. I didn't say that the wife has it easy, I'm just saying that she shouldn't assume that her husband does because he's not the one dealing with the kids. They both have a part to do.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

You said he shouldn't have to change diapers if her works and she doesn't. In case you didn't know, it generally takes two people to make a child and both people are equally responsible for the child, and both people should help each other take care of the child. Just because the husband works and the wife stays home to take care of the kids doesn't mean he shouldn't help take care of the kids when he gets home. Taking care of kids is not easy for either person involved.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

What's wrong with that is that the husband's job generally stops at 5:00, while the wife's job doesn't end until the baby is out of diapers. Usually it is the woman who takes care of the children during the day and the woman who gets up multiple times in the middle of the night to change them and feed them. I'm not saying the wife should stop taking care of the kids just because the husband is home, I'm just saying that it doesn't hurt for the husband to help out.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

From this point on, I'm going to make a conscious effort to ignore your comments on this post. You seem very determined not to get that I didn't say that the husband should not take care of the kids or help with it, it's part of parenthood to do so. He has a role to play just like she has a role to play too, and if she's complaining about him not helping change the diapers and feed the baby, she's probably forgetting where the diapers and the food come from, that's what I think. Have a happy life.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

It's not that she forgets where it came from Pulcher. If it's tiresome work, she has the right to comment on it. She knows where the money came from, that doesn't change how difficult and irritating it is to actually do it.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

OP, you realize you've pretty much said that the husband shouldn't have to change diapers because he works all day and the woman should do all the diaper changing because she doesn't have a job, right? Well, you didn't "pretty much" say that: you //did// say that. If the wife does not have a job, her role is to take care of the children alone while the husband is at work. The husband's role is to go to work. And then when they're together, it's //their// role to take care of the children. And if the children are not potty trained, that includes changing diapers. It doesn't matter who supplies the diapers, they still gotta get changed. If the husband complains about being asked to change the diapers and feed the baby, he's probably forgetting what made the baby.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

THANK YOU PIKABEAU

by Anonymous 12 years ago

But it's a piece of cake to provide them? I don't get how so many people seem to have missed the only point I've made; they both have a role to play, and they should both do that role fully, does not mean that the husband shouldn't help, but that they should both appreciate the other and what the other does for the family rather than complaining about who does what.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Pulcher, it's not that people are missing your point, you're missing their's.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

I would appreciate whoever provides the diapers for my little poopers. I would also appreciate it if they would help change the diapers every now and then. If the wife doesn't complain about the husband not changing diapers the husband will complain about having to change them. Shouldn't he appreciate all she does throughout the day?

by Anonymous 12 years ago

I never said the wife should complain about the husband not changing diapers. BOTH people made the baby so BOTH people should take care of the child. Yes, the wife should appreciate the fact that the husband works in order to provide for her and the baby. And the husband should appreciate that the wife takes care of the child they made together. I don't believe you said anything about appreciation up until that last comment. And my last comment was directed towards Anthony, not you, so you didn't even have to respond to it.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

He should if he is able to. But, if he's really tired, he will need rest. If he's constantly tired going into work, and performing substandard-ly, he will get fired or demoted or something, and then they';; both have it worse. One thing about raising a child is full job security.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

I'm sure the wife is tired as well after taking care of the children all day and cleaning the house and doing laundry and all of the other duties that go along with marriage. I have never heard anyone say that raising children is easy. You are going to be tired. That is what you sign on to when you make the decision to have a child. You know you will be tired. You will have to wake up in the middle of the night to take care of the baby, you will have to take care of the baby all throughout the day, and it won't be easy. But that is what you knowingly get yourself into when you make that decision and "he might be tired and need rest" is a crap excuse as to why he shouldn't have to help out with the baby. I'm sure the wife is tired after growing a person inside of her for nine months and shoving out an 8 pound baby through a hole that is definitely not normally that big, and then not getting time off to rest before having to take care of the child 24/7. Bottom line, BOTH parents should take responsibility when raising the child.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

:and if she is tired from taking care of the kids all day the father can help out when he isnt at work...The problem is that taking care of the kids is not a 9-5 job. So the father should help out 50/50 outside of those hours. She has a right to be tired as well.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Of course she does. Except the father might get fired for under performing in his day job if he helps with the kid even when he's tired. 'He might be tired' is not an excuse to never help out, just to say that there are times when he shouldn't, in order to maintain cash flow. Also, in my family at least, laundry and cleaning are done once a week, not every day. tl;dr He should always do 50/50, except when it might cost him his job.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Is your family currently raising small children? If so then I commend them on finding the time to only have to clean and do laundry once or twice a week. Otherwise, you obviously don't know how much having a baby increases the amount of cleaning and laundry that has to be done. Also, changing a couple of dirty diapers is not going to make him so tired that he can't do his job.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

I meant if he's already tired. And i thought we were talking about taking care of the kid in general. No, we're not, but how would it? I probably cause a lot more mess than a baby.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Taking care of the kid in the evening is not going to make him so tired that he can't do his job because hey, guess what. The wife is going to be taking care of the kid in the evening as well. And she is probably going to be the one getting up every few hours during the night to take care of the kid, and getting up in the morning when the husband does to take care of the kid, taking care of the kid all day, so God forbid the husband help out when he gets home. I will repeat, again, that the husband should not have sole responsibility of the kid when he gets off work. BOTH parents should take care of the kid equally when the husband is home. But you are old enough to clean up after yourself, and hopefully you do so instead of leaving it for your parents. Babies are messy. They mess up their clothes. They like to throw food. They knock things over. They have lots of toys. They make messes.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

And let me repeat: He should only help if it doesn't cost him his job. If he's on an important project, or has to bring work home or something, he's going to need all the rest he can get. He should help out most of the time, but we must remember that out of the possible consequences, the wife is overworked for a couple of weeks and the husband losing his job, or missing a promotion or raise, the results of the husband being overworked are far more long term. I for one would help out all the time, but if I need to focus all, and I mean ALL my energy on an important project, I will put my foot down, and I probably wouldn't have married a woman shortsighted enough to give me shit for it. And before you say anything about that, most abstainers tend to be pickier.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

If he has to bring work home then of course he should get it done. But he should help out when gets done. And the woman will only be overworked for a couple weeks? Try months or even years. Babies generally go to bed around 7 or 8 so there isn't even time for the husband to get so tired out that he can't perform a job. From the way you make it sound, you have obviously never taken care of children or even been around them much because you don't seem to understand the amount of work involved. If two people are needed to make a baby, then both people need to take care of the baby.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

We're only arguing because you're not reading my comments properly. Most projects don't last 'months or even years' and I said he should help out, unless it's going to cost the family money. Please read all the words in that last sentence.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

And you are not reading my comments properly either. I said if he has to take work home with him then yes, he should finish it because technically he is still working. But we weren't talking about just when the husband has projects, we are talking about all the time and how he should help out. You keep saying the same things over and over without adding any new arguments to it.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

I keep saying the same things because you keep not addressing them. And I already said he should help out otherwise, so I assumed you were arguing about him not helping even when he does. Sorry about that.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

How have I not addressed them? I said at least twice that yes, if he has work he has to bring home then he should finish it. You refuse to address anything I say and you are bringing nothing new into this discussion so unless you have any new points, then I believe this conversation is over.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

The wife is also the one who had to carry that baby inside of her for 9 months. Her husband just sat around and watched as she got fat, sick, and went through excrutiating pain. Both jobs are hard, okay? Why can't we all just get along (cry2)

by Anonymous 12 years ago

That has nothing to do with gender equality, it's just fair distribution of work.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

This is so true. My mom complains that she does all of the housework, but my dad is at work all day, my brother is away at college, and I'm taking AP/Honors classes in school. In reality, she doesn't even do it all, she just plays games and watches TV while complaining that she has to work all night long once or twice a week.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

That isn't exactly the same as the situation OP is talking about...

by Anonymous 12 years ago

you sound very dissrespectful...I suspect that being a mother to a superior know-it-all may be a tougher job than you are giving her credit for.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

uummm so if your taking AP/Honors classes in school then you are old enough to do your own chores. Dont bitch out your mum for complaining about having to do most of the house work. That shit is tedious and a pain in the ass. fuck id rather be an accountant for 10 hours a day than clean floors and do washing.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

.... Was that comment directed at me or were you actually just saying "ummm?"

by Anonymous 12 years ago

oops my bad: actually just saying "ummm"

by Anonymous 12 years ago

If the parents love each other and their kids, then there should theoretically be a balance struck where each parent helps the other when they have the chance, and the kids are cared for by both parents in some capacity. Also, while it is "traditionally" the job of women to be the childcare while the man works, this trend is shifting with more moms working and more dads staying at home. Both roles are good and necessary, and neither is better than the other

by Anonymous 12 years ago

I feel like both sides of this argument are not understanding what the other says because they are not looking at it from the same point of view...

by Anonymous 12 years ago

I think that parts of OPs argument are valid. And frankly if you can't agree with parts of their argument, or understand the reasoning behind the other persons argument you shouldn't be arguing.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

I thought this site was about expressing opinions, but I guess I was wrong....

by Anonymous 12 years ago

... I'm not sure how you got the impression I was implying that it isn't.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

"If you can't agree with parts of their argument.... then you shouldn't be arguing." If I agreed with your argument, why would I be arguing? And I do understand their reasoning, but I think their reasoning is wrong.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

When I said PART I ment part. Or course if you completely agreed you wouldnt be arguing. I ment if you can't understand their perspective then you shouldnt be arguing. It is my opinion that the biggest reason for violence and anger is that people don't take the time to really understand where other people are coming from. They just start arguing because someone say something they don't argue with and they think it is necessary to tell them they're wrong. A rational person steps back and tries to come at the problem from the other person perspective. To look past the words to the person to understand the meaning of what they are saying. Only then is there any hope for the issue to be worked out. But I would also add that almost never are two people on completely opposite side with nothing to agree on.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Again, I understand their reasoning, but I think their reasoning is wrong.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

My original point was that it seemed like the OP and the people commenting were not understanding each others argument because they were not understanding the reasoning behinde the argument.x

by Anonymous 12 years ago

I understood OP's reasoning perfectly. Again, I did not agree with their reasoning.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Fair enough. Not everyone can agree.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Equality is understanding that it doesn't matter who works for nine hours straight or who changes the diapers. Gender doesn't dictate duties.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Okay, my mom doesnt work and I have a younger sibling in diapers. I can tell you that RIGHT when my Dad gets home from work my mother immediately expects him to take care of my brother. I think the OP is coming from that direction. Both jobs are difficult, but their can be a lot of down time for my mom and she loves doing it. Moms also tend to act like working is SO much easier than raising kids but in reality it COULD be harder.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Your father should not be expected to take care of the child by himself when he comes home, but he should definitely help out. Maybe take care of the baby while your mom cooks dinner, or even cook dinner himself. I'm not saying husbands should take care of the baby by themselves after working all day, but that both parents should take care of the baby in the evening.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

When you decide to have kids I think that it's established that both parents should raise the kid, even if one works and the other doesn't. That is the responsibility of being a mom or a dad, in my opinion.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

Here's the thing, if I've been caring for our kid the minute my husband left for work and even hours before that because raising a child is a 24/7 shindig, he doesn't get to come home after his 9-5 hour job that pays the bills and puts food on the table and do absolutely nothing. Nor am I going to toss him all of the housework and child-raising responsibilities and make him do it while I relax. If he gets home and expects a nice yummy dinner that I couldn't make because I was watching our child, then he's gonna have to watch the kid while I cook or cook it himself. And when the baby cries at night, I won't make him get up and check up on him/her, nor will I allow him to do the same to me. We'll take turns. Same goes with almost every other part of parenthood. Same goes with if the roles were reversed and I was the one working and he stays at home.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

That's a traditional relationship, not everyone does that.

by Anonymous 12 years ago

It's not equality but it's compromise, which is what keeps things moving along most of the time.

by Anonymous 12 years ago