In my experience it's never been a choice. There is someone I wish I never had loved, but I couldn't choose NOT to love them anymore.

by Anonymous 11 years ago

Guess I can't say I have ever had a love quite like that. I know if I was looking at 2 or more women, I could decide if I wanted to love one of them and pursue that as a conscious choice. I could plan to do whatever it took to try and get her to be mine. Your description almost makes it sound like love is forced on us.

by Anonymous 11 years ago

Your example is a bit different. If I was choosing between two or three people, yes, I could make a conscious choice of which to pursue. My situation was one person, I was not interested in anyone else. I couldn't consciously decide to stop caring about them and loving them as I did. If we're being honest, I still kind of love them even if we aren't in contact anymore, and haven't been for a long while.

by Anonymous 11 years ago

Your situation may have been one person - at a specific time and place. But isn't that the whole beauty of love? Does is have to be restricted or limited? And how did you know you weren't interested in anyone else? If we spend all our time, effort, and energy focused on only ONE person at a time, can we truly say or make such a claim? I do think that once we have felt and experienced true love that it never completely leaves or goes away. But it does not prevent us from finding and experiencing more.

by Anonymous 10 years ago

You have a very child like view of love, it kind of makes me happy.

by Anonymous 10 years ago

I'm not saying i didnt have the ability to be interested in someone else, I just wasn't then. I have been interested in more than one person at a time. Which reinforces my point that it's not a choice, because if I was happy with one, why would I choose to love another?

by Anonymous 10 years ago

You can't chose to make your brain release endorphins, oxytocin, norepinephrine, dopamine, vasopressin, estrogen, and testosterone. I'm not sure what urges these chemicals to be released, I think it might be their pheromones, but I am certain it's not me choosing to release them. Love chooses you in that sense.

by Anonymous 11 years ago

I think all of that stuff starts with a mutual ATTRACTION - just like in the animal world. We humans are captivated by certain features, smells, looks, sounds, etc. I also think most people KNOW what they like and look for in a potential date, partner, or spouse. And even though opposites attract, it is those common interests and likes that normally carry us through.

by Anonymous 11 years ago

...Those are scientifically the neurotransmitters than cause the feeling of love. Consciousness of what you look for in a partner doesn't equal choosing who you love.

by Anonymous 10 years ago

So love to you is strictly a blind emotions that sneaks up on a person? Can we not choose to love a dog, car, new clothes, etc. etc.? We choose to love tangible things every single day. And it is less or not applicable to other people of the opposite (or same) sex?

by Anonymous 10 years ago

Yep.

by Anonymous 10 years ago

It takes 2, so at least 50% of it is up to you. Go find your other 50%.

by Anonymous 10 years ago

Really because I'm in love with the person that's kept me horribly depressed for the last four years and I can't choose to stop. I try, but I still love her. She's caused me a lot of physical and mental pain, but I still love her. If I could consciously choose to stop loving her, I would do it in a heartbeat. But since I cannot do so, I cannot say I choose who to love. While I do tell myself not to love anyone until I heal, those feelings are still there. Now, I can choose to act on those feelings, but I can't choose if they're there or not.

by Anonymous 10 years ago

I am sorry to hear that. You (or anyone else) should never have to be a prisoner of love. That is what you are describing. I have been in love only twice in my life, and love is both wonderful and cruel. But I will tell you, that even though it seems you can't break free, if your own well being and sanity are in jeopardy, you have to self preserve before any other interactions with lovers or friends. If self is not right, nothing else matters - even what you think or feel to be an unstoppable love. Picture yourself as being someone who has been crushed by a building or a giant boulder. Several of your limbs are involved and the only way to stay alive and continue living is to allow the limbs to be severed. Of course, it is not an easy choice or scenario, but it has actually been made by many who have gone before us. People in bad or unhealthy relationships must realize that the "good" they have had or still think they enjoy is not worth the damage and "bad" that is being done long term. If you wish to talk about this more in private, I would be willing.

by Anonymous 10 years ago

If that's so, why are you so against homosexuality? Flawed logic. That's why. "But TimTamsMcGee! Homosexual love isn't REEEEEAAAAL love!" You cry for attention. False. What proof do you have that a man cannot love (an emotion, mind you) another man, or a woman another woman? Show me your evidence.

by Anonymous 10 years ago

Did you actually read my post? First, I say "we can choose to love and whom to love." So I obviously believe that love involves choice (among other things). Nobody can force us to love. We typically love things, objects, or people that we find desirable. We don't have to love anyone or anything if we consciously decide not to. The second part of my post says "love does not choose us." This is the more subjective side of facet of love. Many commenters said that love chose them, and that they did not do the choosing. I have talked to people who are convinced that they fell in love instantly or "at first sight." Some gradually grow in to love, and it sneaks up on them. And where in this thread did you see that I was so against homosexuality? Did you not see my comments to LeyTheFlea? I am amazed that you have accused me of something that you know nothing about.

by Anonymous 10 years ago

Well it's not exactly "unclear" that you aren't 100% pro gay marriage/love/whatever you want to call it.

by Anonymous 10 years ago

That is such a heavy comment, I don't know how to respond! You might want to look up some of my other posts and read the threads of dialogue to get a better feel for who and what I am all about.

by Anonymous 10 years ago