+19

You like criticizing people when they can't hear you so you can vent yourself out of your fury, then, when you are in front of them, you genuinely and honestly treat them properly for you don't want the bad you think about them spread when you are in front of them, amirite?

Pretty much it's what I do to avoid being harsh to others while being onestly affable without trace of evident despicableness.

70%Yeah You Are30%No Way
carminemariocovinos avatar Life
Share
0 19
The voters have decided that carminemariocovino is right! Vote on the post to say if you agree or disagree.

That is called being two-faced, and I consciously try avoid doing this. I do slip sometimes, but most often not. I think it demonstrates to the people you are with that you won't talk badly about them behind their backs.

This user has deactivated their account.
@1956339

You reminded me of this quote from "Assassination Vacation", by Sarah Vowell:

But when I'm around strangers, I turn into a conversational Mount St. Helens. I'm dormant, dormant, quiet, quiet, old-guy loners build log cabins on the slopes of my silence and then, boom, it's 1980. Once I erupt, they'll be wiping my verbal ashes off their windshields as far away as North Dakota.

biggrin smilie

@PhilboydStudge That is called being two-faced, and I consciously try avoid doing this. I do slip sometimes, but most often not...

this isn't me ripping on anyone
this is just something I feel very strongly about

I said more on this post:
http://www.amirite.com/757278-i...knows-you-dont

it is two faced

I hate when people make excuses and defend back talk

there is absolutely no need to speak ill of someone to others unless it's a situation where you report their act of murder or something

and if you need help with a situation
or you just need to talk
you don't have to reveal the person's name

by speaking ill of someone with their name attached
you're spreading your horrible subjective view

let people create their own subjective view without you tainting their reputation by speaking garbage about others

Isn't the OP an example of being "two faced?" If you are one thing behind someone's back but something else in their presence, then you could not possibly be genuine or a true friend.

@freespeechfreelancer Isn't the OP an example of being "two faced?" If you are one thing behind someone's back but something else in...

I don't know.. I'm going to be nice to anyone to their face just to avoid conflict, even if I don't like them.
The difference between someone I do like and someone I don't like:

Like:
Will be extra nice to their face.
Will mostly speak nicely of them behind their backs.
Even people I love frustrate me sometimes and at some point or another. I will vent to someone else about that person. Subjects are usually of tiny things that I can get over easily.
Example: My cousin is very simple minded and materialistic and that annoys me. I love him, but it's the truth. If I can't talk about this to someone else, I'm afraid my relationship with him will suffer.

Dislike:
Will be nice enough to avoid conflict.
Will avoid contact with them as much as possible while trying not to show that I dislike them. However, I do not by any means pretend to be their friend.
Vent with other people who dislike them. Not rumors, just things that frustrate me about their personality.
Example: This other production coach at my job is very strict and direct. She cannot seem to put herself in the shoes of the people we have to coach. She is letting the job title get to her head as though she is an officer of the law. The fact is that once peak season is over, she will be right back on the floor with the people she is being overly-stern with.

Despise:
Avoid at all costs.
Speak very poorly of them to others. Still avoid spreading rumors as the truth of how despicable they are is good enough to spoil their reputation.
Be very short with them to their face and maybe give hints that I dislike them.
Can't think of any example because I don't despise many people and those I do I can avoid and therefore do not think of them often.

All in all, I believe what really makes a person two faced, is whether or not they spread false rumors about the person they don't like and of course then going and pretending to be best friends with that person.

StickCavemans avatar StickCaveman Yeah You Are 0Reply
@StickCaveman I don't know.. I'm going to be nice to anyone to their face just to avoid conflict, even if I don't like them. The...

What would be wrong with NOT talking about anyone behind their backs? Where is it written that we are required to speak ill of anyone?
I must admit, I loudly take on my president every chance I get and politicians in general, but the things I say about them are already open and reported knowledge. Also, my tax dollars help pay their salaries, so as far as I am concerned, they work for me and are to be held accountable.
Speaking behind the backs of others in my day to day is a non issue. I learned long ago that it serves no purpose and accomplishes little. If we CAN'T or WON'T say something about a person IN their presence, then most likely, we shouldn't be saying it at all.
Generally and often, when we are speaking down about others, it is ONLY to make ourselves look better or bigger than them. But in actuality, we are being and proving that we are the smaller person.

This comment was deleted by its author.
@1956683

Yeah, I do think OP is referring to talking about them by muttering under his breath. i.e.- "Oh God, here they come." Then when they walk up, "Hey! How are you???"

StickCavemans avatar StickCaveman Yeah You Are 0Reply
@freespeechfreelancer What would be wrong with NOT talking about anyone behind their backs? Where is it written that we are required to...

It releases stress and when you're speaking to someone about someone else, you can get an idea of what that person thinks about them. So for example, if I think the subject is an asshole, I'm going to inquire with someone else to see if they think the same to confirm if my opinion of the subject is accurate. It's not to make myself look bigger and them smaller. Every time I discuss this topic, people get the idea that I'm going around behind backs and being really conniving. What I discuss is simply my personal opinion of them. I'm not spreading a bunch of lies.

I highly doubt you never mention a person when they're not around. Here are some examples you have surely experienced:
-Planning a surprise birthday party for someone requires everybody going behind their back.
-Asking where someone is (maybe they didn't show up for work or school). Even if you don't speculate and make up reasons why they may not be present, you've still mentioned them.
-Complained about a bad driver.
-Spoke to your significant other about your children.
-Spoke about a death relative or friend to someone.

I honestly don't think there is any way to get through life without mentioning someone when they're not present.

StickCavemans avatar StickCaveman Yeah You Are 0Reply
@StickCaveman It releases stress and when you're speaking to someone about someone else, you can get an idea of what that person...

You have changed the context and subject matter now. Talking about or mentioning someone is not talking about them (usually in a put down manner) behind their backs. All of your examples in this comment are not the same as putting down a co-worker, talking about their appearance, their habits, their lifestyle, etc.
Mentioning so and so's name in a conversation is far different than saying so and so is a douche and here is my list of why.

@freespeechfreelancer You have changed the context and subject matter now. Talking about or mentioning someone is not talking about them...

I assumed that's what you meant by saying you don't talk about people behind their backs.

I think the three go hand in hand (positive, neutral, and negative name mentioning). When I'm tired of being around a person, I'll most likely go to another companion and say, "I'm sick of being around such and such." How is this wrong? I release my stress of being around them, which by the way is almost always temporary. There's no use starting a quarrel with that subject when it's not going to matter tomorrow.

StickCavemans avatar StickCaveman Yeah You Are 0Reply
@StickCaveman I assumed that's what you meant by saying you don't talk about people behind their backs. I think the three go...

Again, saying you are sick of being AROUND so and so is NOT the same as saying I am sick of so and so and here are all my reasons why: they have bad breath, their hair is nasty, they dress outdated, their shoes are silly, they are too fat or thin, their body parts are disproportionate..............can you honestly NOT see the difference here????

@freespeechfreelancer What would be wrong with NOT talking about anyone behind their backs? Where is it written that we are required to...

Speaking ill of the president has been a national pastime for a century or more. Hopefully the OP wasn't thinking of celebrities. Who hasn't made fun of Charlie Sheen?

Please   login   or signup   to leave a comment.