Aside from freestyle, all other competition swimming events are pointless and are effectively "what's the fastest you can swim in the least fast way possible". amirite?

You're missing the point. It's about form and finesse, and then taking that to the elite level.

Sorta, kinda. Also, I'd like to see a feet first stroke introduced then adopted. That style promises to be really slow :)

I don't swim...so I ain't really sure