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Contrary to popular belief…You can love others while definitely hating yourself, amirite?

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You can't love others healthily if you don't love yourself, because you'll always believe yourself undeserving of their love and it will make the relationship full of doubts and insecurities. You'll constantly be seeking validation.

RuPaul has entered the chat

The belief isn't that you CAN'T love others until you love yourself first, but it's that it's undesirable. Loving yourself makes it easier for someone else to also love you. The idea of someone else's happiness being solely dependent on me is overwhelming and smothering, not attractive. A good relationship should just enhance who the two people already are, not serve as their complete identity.

I believe the saying also refers to the type of love we allow ourselves to accept. If someone doesn't love themself, they can potentially endure worse treatment than someone with standards for how they are treated. Healthy relationships attract other healthy relationships. Our most basic relationships are the ones with ourselves, which often can be good indicators of the state of our relationships with others.

So yes, of course you can love others while hating yourself, but will it cause others to love you? Of course you can hate yourself and love someone else, but that 100% isn't a healthy relationship.

@Bigbluemountainstar The belief isn't that you CAN'T love others until you love yourself first, but it's that it's undesirable. Loving...

The belief isn't that you CAN'T love others until you love yourself first, but it's that you shouldn't

Honestly, that's even worse honestly. If I, a person who every much dislikes himself, shouldn't ever love somebody before I'm kinda on good terms with myself, I don't really see a point in working towards that. That's like saying beat the final boss in a game before you try the tutorial. You see the relationship to one's self as the most basic, I see it as the most difficult since you're constantly aware of it. Also it requires by far the most work out of any relationship, since it's all on your self. And that's very much a wall some people simply can't/ aren't really able to climb alone.

Also the most extreme way of viewing that statement is that if you don't love/like yourself, you shouldn't engage any sort of relationship.

contextrips avatar contextrip Yeah You Are +4Reply
@contextrip The belief isn't that you CAN'T love others until you love yourself first, but it's that you shouldn't Honestly...

How attractive is someone who hates themself? Is it attractive when someone neglects taking care of themself or making healthy choices that support a productive and safe way of life? How do you define yourself outside of a relationship?

Our relationship with ourselves should be the most basic. If someone struggles with honesty, fidelity and respect of their own boundaries, goals and aspirations, do you really trust them with your own? Our relationships with others obviously shouldn't be as basic as the ones with ourselves- because there are more variables involved.

Our relationship with ourself is the most basic, but that certainly doesn't mean the easiest. It's hard for some people to hear, because it takes reflection and growth.

Do you aspire to be with someone who needs constant reassurance that they are loved, or worthy, or attractive? Do you like dealing with unjustified projection and jealousy? Anyone can be in a relationship, but of what quality?

Shusszs avatar Shussz Yeah You Are +8Reply

I don't think it's literal but more like "if you hate yourself your probably putting all your faith in your partner to make you happy thus pushing them away"

No one ever believed that a person who hates herself cannot love, it's just much more difficult for them to have an healthy relationship.

Effectlive97s avatar Effectlive97 Yeah You Are +3Reply

Ayo same

-avoidingwork-s avatar -avoidingwork- Yeah You Are +3Reply

A lot of people who love themselves have trouble loving others (e.g. narcissists, psychopaths...).

Framie1s avatar Framie1 Yeah You Are +3Reply

I actually really dislike that idea (and its relative, "no one can love til you love yourself").

If I dislike myself already, telling me I am now also incapable of loving/being loved doesn't motivate me to do anything but hate myself more.

@opensofias I actually really dislike that idea (and its relative, "no one can love til you love yourself"). If I dislike...

Seriously

"No one will love you till you love yourself". Wow thanks asshole, way to make me feel better

@opensofias I actually really dislike that idea (and its relative, "no one can love til you love yourself"). If I dislike...

It's about having a healthy relationship not about literally being incapable of loving others.

Shusszs avatar Shussz Yeah You Are +1Reply

I mean it is a fact that in order to love yourself, that you would have to love yourself.

Yeah, but you will be an asshat while you do so :)

I mean sure, but like who tf is actually ok with hating themselves? as someone who hates themselves, it's not fun. I just feel like I constantly need to distract myself from myself which in turn leads to problems.

Sometimes the way we learn to love ourselves is through loving other people.

We don't have to be completely "healed" to be in a relationship. (We never are truly healed anyways life keeps happening). And you don't have to love yourself first.

But I will say, it is much easier to love others when you have love for yourself. Partly Bc we tend to project how we feel about ourselves on to others. Hyper critical of yourself? You just might be hyper critical of others well.

But none of us are perfect. And none of us have or will ever have perfected "self love" and being in a relationship with someone who is safe is one of the best ways to learn and grow to love yourself and others more.

I agree that people should get over the notion that you have to be this epitome of self love and care before even deciding to date. That's unrealistic.

Not according to our Lord and saviour Rupaul.

But in all seriousness I always interpreted this saying as 'you can't love people in the best possible way if you hate yourself'

Because if you hate yourself you're not mentally at your best, therefore you aren't able to love to your full potential.

teknogreeks avatar teknogreek Yeah You Are +1Reply

One of these again? It's almost as if these kinds of phrases aren't meant to be taking absolutely literally, but rather just to succinctly express a more complex idea.

Dr-pens avatar Dr-pen Yeah You Are +1Reply

Wtf kind of popular belief is that lol

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