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Wanting to die at home is selfish. amirite?

97%Yeah You Are3%No Way
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I have an amazing relationship with my mother. She has always told me to please never put her in a nursing home. She has saved up money and has other assets just for this reason; so she can be taken care of at home and die at home. If that's how she wants to go, then I support her 100%. Even if she didn't have the money, there is no way in hell I would put her in a place she hates. If I can help it, I won't let her die in a hospital or nursing home or anywhere she isn't comfortable. I want to be the last person she sees when she goes and I know that's what she wants too. I love her so much.

Openeyess avatar Openeyes Yeah You Are +6Reply

Some dying people, and they are not all the dreaded ‘old', have families who actually like them, respect them. When it is a predictable event, well, you prepare, phone numbers are to hand, professionals are arranged, plastic sheets are employed. Hospice care workers can handle home deaths with expertise.

Dr-pens avatar Dr-pen Yeah You Are +6Reply

Personally, I'd rather die in a hospital anyway. I just spent almost two weeks in a hospital, and every time I needed something, they were right there (and I really appreciated that). I have no qualms about dying in a hospital. I agree with OP, as well.

Why would you actively want to put your family through that?

Who's home is it? If I own my own home, and want to die there, how am I 'putting my family through' something? Whether I die at my home or a hospital, they are going to have to interact one way or another with funeral people, coroners, etc. When you die at home, typically an ambulance comes and takes you away - so you are 'gone'.

@Pheniz21 Why would you actively want to put your family through that? Who's home is it? If I own my own home, and want to...

Like I said, they have to call the coroner. They won't come on their own. It's not like they can wait until they can compose themselves, the body would start to rot. At least a funeral can wait.

@Vic8760 Like I said, they have to call the coroner. They won't come on their own. It's not like they can wait until they...

Most situations like this involve a hospice worker at the house, and the hospice worker helps with all the 'messy details'.

Mytokhondrias avatar Mytokhondria Yeah You Are +3Reply

Okay and?

There's nothing wrong with being selfish at your last moments, especially to be in a place with your loved ones than some random room in a building full of doctors and sick people.

@tonywonderslostnut Okay and? There's nothing wrong with being selfish at your last moments, especially to be in a place with your...

I agree. If it were my family member i woukd want them to be with me there last moments not in a sterile room with desensitized people. I'll deal with what I have to after.. I know someone who refused to bring her husband of 40 years home for his last days and that was the coldest most selfish thing I ever witnessed. She said it would be too hard for her. All I could think was I'd hold him til his last breath

And someone dying is all about you? So much for compassion.

@Mcgee0 And someone dying is all about you? So much for compassion.

It's all about the grieving family. They have enough to deal with.

@Vic8760 It's all about the grieving family. They have enough to deal with.

That's where we disagree. It's about the dying person first. If the family needs support they can get hospice support, the doctors and social workers. They will also (hopefully) have each other for support as they sort things out. Hospice can also help the family sort out a lot of it before the person passes. They can also help with the immediate crisis of calling the coréeme etc.

@Vic8760 It's all about the grieving family. They have enough to deal with.

Yes they do but the one comfort they can ave is that they gave their loved one everything they could until the end. My husbands grandpa died at home. He laid in his bed we all gathered around and for 2 days he talked and reminisced with all of us before slipping I to a coma. Those 2 days were priceless. The memories we shared, the stories he told. The laughs, the tears would've all been missed if he was left in the hospital.

potatobunnys avatar potatobunny Yeah You Are +5Reply

this makes zero sense

88080808088s avatar 88080808088 Yeah You Are +4Reply

Why would you think that?

I own my own home. I've worked hard my entire adult life so I could afford to buy it and keep it up. If I want to die there, that's my choice. I've earned it, because it's MY home. Only ridiculously selfish people want someone to spend their final moments in a way that makes them the most comfortable, rather than what the dying person wants.

Manualhams avatar Manualham Yeah You Are +3Reply

Have you ever personally watched or cared for someone dying in a hospital or nursing home? Even as a "desensitized professional" it's cold, dirty (not supposed to be but often is even in "nice" places because organs shut down and humans and machines have to do the work of organs), uncomfortable, and depersonalized. There is an entire growing industry of medicine dedicated to helping people age, convalesce, and even die at home. Hospitals should not be for the chronically dying—they should be reserved for the acutely and critically ill. Nursing homes should be a last resort for those who don't have the resources to live independently.

Shiny244s avatar Shiny244 Yeah You Are +3Reply

Imagine making someone's death all about you.

@1440807101 Imagine making someone's death all about you.

If it's someone close to you, it kind of is about you once they're gone.

Why would you get rid of the furniture? That's …..childish.

My father had terminal cancer. He wanted to die at home. We tried to make that happen. We had hospice care coming in. They know the signs and timeline and once they saw that it was close, they would have had a nurse stay. (In the end, hospice nurses told us about 12 hours left at 10 pm, he passed at 9:33 a.m) But it became too difficult for us to care for him when there were still days left. We ended up going to a hospice house. Very homey and comfortable with constant nursing care. There are better alternatives than the hospital.

@-avoidingwork- Why would you get rid of the furniture? That's …..childish. My father had terminal cancer. He wanted to die at...

Because who would ever want to sleep on the bed grandma died on?

Sorry to hear that. And good point about hospice houses, can't believe I didn't bring that up. My grandpa spent his final days in one, it was the best place for him.

@Vic8760 Because who would ever want to sleep on the bed grandma died on? Sorry to hear that. And good point about hospice...

Grownups who don't equate death with horror movies. If my dad had stayed at home, he'd either have died in a hospital bed brought in by hospice or on their couch. Mom would have kept the couch. It matches the chair and loveseat.

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