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People misunderstand a lack of desire to socialize with bad social skills. amirite?

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georgecamposs avatar Money & Economics
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I do kind of get you but i don't fully agree.

This is coming from a socially awkward person. On one hand I didnt have a desire to impress people or have tons of friends but that doesn't mean I secretly have good social skills I just don't use.

I do agree about people being quick to judge, like there's nothing wrong with being introverted or awkward.
Me and my friends were made to feel awful about it and its not like we hurt anybody or did anything wrong besides maybe being a bit weird or anxious.
I do not care what people say, bullying does not build character or teach you how to behave. It wrecks you.

But I also can't say hand on heart that I didn't have poor social skills and that I haven't at least improved a little since i left school.

But yeah people berating you for being awkward is horrible and I do wished that some people realised that the main reason I didn't want to talk to them in school was because they were assholes and it wasn't just because I was awkward.

@Pheniz21 I do kind of get you but i don't fully agree. This is coming from a socially awkward person. On one hand I didnt...

I also think that we have to articulate a standard for what we think good social skills is. The way I look at it social skills is a scale where being able to talk to strangers at a bar and strike up a conversation is the median. Having the charisma to get what you want from strangers is one end of the extreme. What the op suggest seem like the median to me based on my scale.

Mrtechnohawks avatar Mrtechnohawk Yeah You Are +3Reply
@Pheniz21 I do kind of get you but i don't fully agree. This is coming from a socially awkward person. On one hand I didnt...

I secretly have good social skills I just don't use.

Remember one thing: Your social skills are only as good as the people around you. If you are surrounded my assholes, it's understandable that you arent socializing with them. That's not your fault, it's theirs.

@georgecampos I secretly have good social skills I just don't use. Remember one thing: Your social skills are only as good as...

Thank you, I do get that. Like people being rude to you for no reason is what ruins your social skills but it doesn't mean poor social didn't make the bullying worse.
It's probably better to say its a cycle and it's wasn't your fault it started, you just need to get out of that school or whatever

i tend to watch people for a while before interacting with them. i have found that most people suck , and are really dumb, so i try to weed em out before i open my mouth.

People misunderstand a lack of desire to learn skills with bad skills. This idea applies to everything.

Yes. Asocial and antisocial are very different.

I guess if someone isn't doing what everyone else is, thats kinda weird.

Mytokhondrias avatar Mytokhondria Yeah You Are +4Reply
@Mytokhondria I guess if someone isn't doing what everyone else is, thats kinda weird.

What's truly weird is blindly being sheep. I appreciate individuality and autonomy. I respect and admire people dont get swayed by peer pressure.

@Apartlavishness If most people are sheep then it isn't weird to be a sheep. That's what weird means.

Yeah, define the word as you want.

I just find people who espouse ideas of conformity contemptible.

@georgecampos Yeah, define the word as you want. I just find people who espouse ideas of conformity contemptible.

Doing what you want to do isn't conforming, it's either normal or weird. If people want to be sociable it's fine.

mattyh2433s avatar mattyh2433 Yeah You Are +4Reply
@mattyh2433 Doing what you want to do isn't conforming, it's either normal or weird. If people want to be sociable it's fine.

If people want to be sociable it's fine.

Yes, but those people who judge others for not being sociable are garbage. They are also sore losers with big egos and narcissistic tendencies and that's why they find it offensive that the introvert isn't interested in knowing them.

@georgecampos If people want to be sociable it's fine. Yes, but those people who judge others for not being sociable are...

Maybe, who knows? I think only around 5% of the population are narcissists, so I doubt its that. I don't think bullies are hurt by weird kids not wanting to know them, I think they just enjoy belittling people and getting attention.

I think there's more or less three options here:

1. You're socially inept
2. You just don't want to socialize
3. You can socialize, and want to, but the anxiety of poor interactions is holding you back

Or that not complaining about X means you are enjoying X. Or that if you are smiling, you have no issues. Or that if you are not smiling, you have issues.

KilljoyXs avatar KilljoyX Yeah You Are +4Reply

Maybe it's fear. Fear of judgement, rejection, or any number of other things. Personally I enjoy being on my own. My closest friends live across the country and I'm not a relationship person. Although there are times I wish I had more friends but I'm also not great at casual friendships. I prefer my relationships to me meaningful. My advice… get a couple dogs and you'll never be alone again. Not even in the bathroom. 🙂

Everyone exsperiences abit of uncomfortableness in social situations from time to time you just have to ignore it at times I have periods of extreme extroversion and introversion.

It works the other way too. I spent most of my teenage and young adult years thinking I was an introvert who rarely desired to socialize, but it turned out I was just awkward and scared.

Most people are the opposite of fun to talk to so that makes sense

This sounds like an unpopular kid trying to convince himself that the other people are the problem.

Copium if you ask me.

People confuse bad social skills with a lack of desire to socialize.

Ftfy.

Seriously, being able to communicate with people and seeing a point are two different things.

This isn't unpopular, its just a fact. Some people want to communicate with others but fail because they are awkward, shy, lacking in communication skills etc.

While others are perfectly capable of communication with others but feel no desire or need to do so due to a distain for others or just outright apathy for them or some other reason.

In short I agree with your clause that there is a difference between the two and do not believe this to be unpopular.

True but most people these days are hyper averse to putting themselves in uncomfortable positions or taking personal responsibility to get better. Instead they just think they are not that "type" of person. Never asking the questions of how to meet others where they are at

Effectlive97s avatar Effectlive97 Yeah You Are +2Reply

yes 100 percent. especially if you time is limited.

teknogreeks avatar teknogreek Yeah You Are +2Reply

A lack of desire to socialise is also a form of bad social skills. It could indicate that you don't recognise value in interactions with others. How will you work in a team with varyining levels of seniority? How will you deal with a difficult client? How will you get your peers on your side if there is a serious problem?

You don't have to socialise but there are times when you have to. These situations might not be straightforward so you need to practice being social, learning the social cues and cultural differences...

You may think you have good social skills when you are socially but those who have seen you around, not talking to them, may feel you're aloof. They may feel they don't understand you. This puts you on the back foot.

@Bigbluemountainstar A lack of desire to socialise is also a form of bad social skills. It could indicate that you don't recognise...

It could indicate that you don't recognise value in interactions with others.

Everyone finds different things valuable. It's not hard to recognize cultural nuances. Talking to a person professionally is nothing like talking to them informally. I'm not against socializing. I'm just want it to be organic. My peers are not nice people. I see no value talking to them.

Your social skills are only as good as the way others behave.

@georgecampos It could indicate that you don't recognise value in interactions with others. Everyone finds different things...

I'm just going to have to say "trust me, bro". There is little tolerance in this world for people who think they are too good to get to know their fellows because they want things to be "organic" and "just right" before they can do the difficult work of getting to know other human beings below the surface of what they present.

SnooStoriess avatar SnooStories Yeah You Are 0Reply
@Bigbluemountainstar A lack of desire to socialise is also a form of bad social skills. It could indicate that you don't recognise...

These situations might not be straightforward so you need to practice being social, learning the social cues and cultural differences...

I agree that you must socialize to a degree in order to tell the difference between a respectable person and a contemptible person. I've known my peers long enough to say that they are the latter. Social skills isn't just about befriending people but also rejecting people who are garbage.

@georgecampos These situations might not be straightforward so you need to practice being social, learning the social cues and...

Social skills isn't just about befriending people but also rejecting people who are garbage.

Now we are talking. Even just as a method of self preservation I urge you to just see who's who by interacting with them.

@404ChompyNotFound Social skills isn't just about befriending people but also rejecting people who are garbage. Now we are talking...

I'm not the one begging for their acceptance. I'm not the one complaining that they don't talk to me.

True. There's a difference between social anxiety and anti social ppl. Some ppl r bad at socializing and some just don't want to

@Shiny244 True. There's a difference between social anxiety and anti social ppl. Some ppl r bad at socializing and some just...

Yes.

I describe myself as anti-social. I dislike socializing outside the internet.

But, if I have to, I *can* socialize. I can be pleasant and talk to people. I just don't want to.

Bf3247s avatar Bf3247 Yeah You Are +4Reply
@Bf3247 Yes. I describe myself as anti-social. I dislike socializing outside the internet. But, if I have to, I...

Sorry to be nitpicky but being antisocial is a pretty extreme label for simply not wanting to socialize.

Antisocial people according to google are "characterized by impulsive, irresponsible, and often criminal behavior". It sounds like you're just an introvert to me

@browndog888 Sorry to be nitpicky but being antisocial is a pretty extreme label for simply not wanting to socialize...

Common use is still fine with it being a synonym for asocial. As psychological self diagnosing mental health problems became the preferred hobby for half the population, the more clinical/technical definition has picked up in use, but the other definition is still fine.

Achilles982s avatar Achilles982 Yeah You Are +4Reply
@Shiny244 True. There's a difference between social anxiety and anti social ppl. Some ppl r bad at socializing and some just...

I was severely socially anxious growing up bc I was terrible at socializing. I grew up and got better at socializing, but I'm still anti-social.

Mrtechnohawks avatar Mrtechnohawk Yeah You Are +1Reply

You have a point but I think having bad social skills could be a cause of not wanting to socialize. Just not the other way around, so a bit like you said.

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