It's not all doom and gloom if a young couple has a kid early in life, and shouldn't be seen that way, amirite?

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ambitiouscorners avatar Philosophy
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100%. I had a baby when I was 18, im 36 now and we are living just fine. Have a good paying job, bought a house, have a loving husband and now a 13 month old daughter. Mr 17 is getting ready to leave school and start the next chapter of his life. It's certainly not the life ending experience some think it is!

Physiologically it might be better for people to have kids in their late teens. The births would be easier, the health of the babies better, and the young parents would have more energy to keep up with young children. The way our society is arranged makes it a scandal and a burden.

I love becoming Nana at 46 bc I started young. My boys were seven years apart, but gave me 4 grands in 20 mos. 2-each. I can't keep up with them now like I could 23-30 years ago.

You're casting a broad net here in the age range. Having a kid at 13-17 is entirely different than having one 18-23.

I don't think people should judge the individual at all for having a child young (they should help!) but young teen pregnancies in the macro sense usually are telltale signs that something isn't going well in a community. At least in the US-- I know its different elsewhere.

Apartlavishnesss avatar Apartlavishness Yeah You Are +4Reply
@Apartlavishness You're casting a broad net here in the age range. Having a kid at 13-17 is entirely different than having one...

Difference between college graduate starting their career and a middle schooler. Not that anyone should be shamed for having a kid.

Vic8760s avatar Vic8760 Yeah You Are +1Reply

Wife and I had 4 kids in our early 20s. Sure things were tight, but we chose that. Now, they're all teens and we'll be empty nesters in our late 40s with time and money to travel and do all the stuff people talk about doing earlier in life. Yes, assuming they move out. 1 down, 3 to go.

I feel like if you can house, feed, clothe and properly discipline your child it shouldn't mater how old you are. Most teens can't do this, but some people in their early 20s can. More power to them. I, however, despise the "I'm glad I had my kids young so I can party in my 40s" crowd glorifying teen pregnancy like some sort of MILF cheat code.

Cog in the wheel: a teen pregnancy with supportive grandparents COULD be a "good" (is "manageable" the word I'm looking for?) thing.


SnooStoriess avatar SnooStories Yeah You Are +4Reply

So i wasn't quite young young. But had my daughter aged 24 im now 36.

Recently school friends of mine have only just had kids. Went to the christening and was saying to my wife. By the time our daughter is 21 and leading her own life we will only be 45 years old. Free to enjoy being adults but not ancient.

My friends will be 57.

Had my daughter at 15, she's now 15. My best friend and I'm the cool
Young pretty mom . She's my only child . She's very spoiled and will have every opportunity I didn't . But I only decided to have one because of how hard it was when she was younger

Just letting you know it's a fallacy that people used to get married really young until very recently in history like the '40s, the average age of marriage was still like 20 to 22. Exclusions apply when thinking of things like nobility but otherwise the statement stands.

potatobunnys avatar potatobunny Yeah You Are +3Reply

It's all down tonpersonal experience. I got my kid at 27 and I feel it was early. Granted, I never wanted kids to begin with so any age would have been to early.

It's mostly sad to me that people spend their early or late 20s being parents. It's the end of their young adult life and seems like most young parents lose a part of their identity when that's the time when you could develop it the most. I know parenthood is very fulfilling whatever, but the focus will never be on you again. Maybe this is me just being selfish idk!

You're right it's not all doom and gloom. It's about 98% Doom and Gloom and 2% happy moments.

Source: Me. I am an old woman who had kids too early and know what it's like to raise them when you're young and think you know what you're doing and that you'll be able to hack it and make it up as you go along.

It's not that I think they're bad people, it's that I feel sorry for them. It's like someone getting in a car wreck and being left in a wheelchair for the rest of their life at age 19. Their life as they know it just ends abruptly and they suddenly have to dedicate their existence to a hardship they likely never asked for.

There's a rarely discussed upside where it thrusts people into the necessity of growing up. So many people who reach adulthood take forever to actually start facing adult life and being forced to make changes can really help that. However once you do obtain this maturity and self-reliance you also realize that you can't really do much with it because you have kids to tend to. Still better than never really growing up is what I'm saying.

@synthsexual There's a rarely discussed upside where it thrusts people into the necessity of growing up. So many people who...

Why does everybody think you can't do anything after kids because you "have kids to tend to" people still work go to school, achieve their dreams all with a baby on their hip. It's about being willing to put in the work.

Some-Noname-idks avatar Some-Noname-idk Yeah You Are +1Reply

Tell me you are not a woman without telling me. Having children early in life was always a terrible decision, no one spoke up most of the time because children were needed for later survival

I've equated pregnancy with death since I was 13. It really depends on the couple

Having a kid at an early age and before having an established career and financial security just adds another huge layer of difficulty to an already challenging period.

While it's not impossible, in my experience it has always led to reduced career opportunities and increased stress for the parents, and the kids not getting even a fraction of the attention they require.

I work in education and almost all the broken kids we come across are from young parents that don't have the time (or the brains) for them, while those with older parents that are already established and have a more mature view on life tend to fare way better.

Young adults having children is fine. Promoting teen pregnancy to be good or desirable in anyway is a problem. Period.

Honestly, if you're mature enough and have the funds, it's arguably better to have them around 22/23. Less potential health issues and, by the time they're in high school, you're still fairly young and can run around and do stuff

Dr-pens avatar Dr-pen Yeah You Are +2Reply

well being young is nice, and once you start to hit your thirty's then it starts to mount.

contextrips avatar contextrip Yeah You Are +2Reply

I had a kid at 15, can't say it was easy but what is in life?

"it's human nature to procreate"

And not everyone wants children.

Much better to have them early, so they are grown up and out of the house by the time you are 40. It sucks being old and still raising kids.

I always, even when I was like a child, wanted to have a kid in my 20s anyway. That's what my parents did, they're happy.

Pheniz21s avatar Pheniz21 Yeah You Are +2Reply

A friend of mine got kids when they were 19yo. The kids were adults when they were a fit and outgoing couple under 40yo. They did all that parenting work with school choirs, driving kids to soccer practices etc when they were young and full of energy. And now they travel around the world with no worries about small kids. I'm kind of envious of them.

I can't imagine having kids when you're closer to 50yo, dead tired, and still need to wake up to change diapers or sit in school plays.

Honestly I agree that if you're 18+ it's not as bad having a kid as people make it out to be. The cost of living has gotten so out of hand that it's just reasonable to wait a little longer nowadays. Like if you don't intend on going to college and your household can be supported on one salary then I don't see what's wrong with one parent staying home for a couple years and starting their career a bit later. But we're now at a point where you need work experience to get an unpaid internship so no wonder people would rather establish their career first. If you don't get help from your parents for child-minding it's practically financial suicide to have a kid at 18 in any big-ish city in Europe.

Kionixs avatar Kionix Yeah You Are +2Reply

As someone who had my first child at 40, I actually think it is smarter to have kids in your mid 20s. When you have to struggle with getting your wife pregnant after 35 because of the age-related decline in fertility that all women experience, have to deal with having a high risk pregnancy (once again) due to the age of your wife, struggle with sleep deprivation and exhaustion at an age when it hits you harder, and have disruptions that are more negative on career development because you're in a more senior position, it just makes sense to start way earlier.

@mattyh2433 As someone who had my first child at 40, I actually think it is smarter to have kids in your mid 20s. When you have...

I just don't know how anyone can afford to have kids in their mid 20s anymore. I'm in my mid 20s and I barely even make enough money to support myself let alone kids.

Pheniz21s avatar Pheniz21 Yeah You Are +5Reply
@mattyh2433 As someone who had my first child at 40, I actually think it is smarter to have kids in your mid 20s. When you have...

I'm in the exact same boat and you are spot on about all of it. I'm 41 with a 16 month and another on the way. While it may be tougher financially at the start everything else is much easier just because you have the energy to handle it.

SnooStoriess avatar SnooStories Yeah You Are +1Reply

A few generations of getting pregnant and having children at young ages has resulted in my grandmother having 3 great-great-grandchildren who are alive while she still is and are old enough now that they will remember her and I think that's pretty cool

vcsandfecess avatar vcsandfeces Yeah You Are +1Reply

It's mostly doom
And gloom

Kasies avatar Kasie Yeah You Are +1Reply

Had my 1st at 33; very glad we waited until then

Your brain isn't fully developed until you're 25. I'd say major life choices before 25, like having to care for another human for 18+ years, doesn't seem wise.

That being said I've seen people have kids when they're young, when they're old, and there's always a downside. But there's almost always more of a downside when the parents are under 25

Don't have the philosophy that sex sells in our entire society then turn around and judge when someone makes a mistake having sex and getting pregnant when they didnt mean to

88080808088s avatar 88080808088 Yeah You Are +1Reply

DINK life

It's seen negatively because of the likelihood the parents will divorce since they feel obligated to get married. As I type this I'm trying to remember the article but I remember seeing there's something like a 72% chance couples that get married as teenagers or in their 20s will get divorced.

Mind you they'll likely have multiple kids and by the time they've decided to have a divorce the kids aren't old enough to understand what's happening.

A current major issue in the U.S.

Vic8760s avatar Vic8760 Yeah You Are +1Reply

It's only a bad idea to have a family early on in life nowadays because everything is so expensive that to support anyone other than yourself you need a good career job.

Openeyess avatar Openeyes Yeah You Are +1Reply

Shut up. I know that's rude, but horses with blinders have a better peripheral.

Boknows12s avatar Boknows12 Yeah You Are +1Reply

1 out of 4 millinials will never have a kid. I feel like I get more side eyes not having a kid at 27 than younger people with kids. Our grandparents were married in their teens and had multiple kids by their early 20s.

Well I mean, if someone has a kid at 20 and are happy about it and can take care of it, what's the problem?

Oh sorry, I forgot to look at it through my eyes only. I WOULD NEVER HAVE A KID AT 20 SO THEREFORE YOU SHOULDN'T EITHER

- How people on this site behave

They are trying to raise a child in a planet that is going down in flames. What is good about raising a kid right now? They will reach adulthood in chaos. Everything will be more nuts than it is now; why is this even a question for you?

Mrtechnohawks avatar Mrtechnohawk Yeah You Are 0Reply

To be honest, I had my kids at 28 and 31, not even that old, but I wish I had them younger.

My brother is 7 years older than me and had his kids young (early 20s). My parents were fun grandparents because they were still young. He had a lot of babysitters. My parents are practically elderly now that I've had mine. While my mom still enjoys my kids, there's definitely a huge difference in how often she can even handle babysitting. She needs like a week of rest after hanging out with my kids for 2 days.

Also my sister in law (who had kids with my brother when they were young) is basically living the life at 40 - travelling, opened up her own store, going on all kinds of adventures, because her oldest is now in his 20s and her youngest is 18.

When I'm 40, my youngest will only be 9. I won't really be "free" until 50. And I don't want to be an old grandma like my mom either, so I hope my kids don't wait until they're 30 to have kids too.

As long as they don't need government help I don't see the problem.

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