Never met a child of strict parents who didn't go against everything their parents wanted as soon as they got the chance. I don't think we should confuse responsible and invested parents with strict parents.
I agree with the idea that people need self discipline, but many parents are too stupid to know how to do this. Discipline is not consequences, if you just punish someone for everything they do wrong, they're going to go wild when you can't punish them anymore. You have to teach them that discipline is important for themselves, not just making you happy.
No, you don't have to be strict to show how to respect boundaries, you have to be firm and consistent. It can be done in a kind and considerate manner too
Exactly. That's what my mother did:
She didn't have many set rules but those she had she was consistent about - and transparent.
She didn't want me to go into her hobby room because of the tools there being a potential danger hazard for a 8 year old child (she was into DIY furniture construction). I broke the rule once and my mother showed me one tool and explained how it worked - and explained by words why it is Dangerous (was a nailgun). She so explained that she'd never enter our rooms without permission uses we're in danger and so she asks for the same.
As you can tell, it left quite an impact. I never entered the room unsupervised and uninvited again
Being overly strict is the fastest way to make a rebellious kid.
If you want a kid that is self-disciplined, reward them for accomplishing goals and tasks. And when you need to tell the kid no, explain why you are telling the kid no so that they understand.
If you associate "showing that bad behaviour leads to bad consequences" (like breaking a vase on purpose and having to replace it with your own money) with toxicity, that's problematic.
Parenting is difficult, especially if you go by gentle parenting, but there are ways to teach lessons through words and show.
Beating, belittling, spanking or taking away food/love does never get the point across. I less that point is "I am an unreasonable person, who doesn't care to show the mistake and logical consequences"
Completely agreed. Ironically, it is always the people who grew up being given everything they wanted and never told "no" who seem to be the least happiest, and adult life is so much harder on them. It's honestly good for people to not get everything their way in life. An over-indulgent lifestyle tends to make people less happy in my experience.
Also, self discipline allows people to create the life they want rather than allowing it to happen just however. We're really in much more control of our lives than we think (of course there will always be things that are out of our control, but there's so much that isn't), and self discipline enables people to take charge and go after the things they want without easily giving up or not being able to stay on track. It also creates better financial stability, which in turn creates a happier, less stressful life.
I don't know if I would say the word "toxic" but I think I get what you mean and completely agree. Parents need to be parents and teaching discipline, respect, order, etc is very important in being a contributing member of society which directly affects happiness
I was pretty much allowed to do whatever I wanted as a kid as long as I stayed out of trouble. If I was to have one little complaint it was that my mom did everything for me and never taught me how to be responsible. That could be where you're headed with "self discipline",
But it played no part in my happiness. I was very happy and very irresponsible for years as an adult.
I was controled for my entire childhood by my parents, it was i did what they said or else. And as my therapist described it as was not just 'toxic' but emotional abuse and neglect. Parents dont need to be a little toxic, they need to be clear about there boundaries and be empathetic twords there child and parent through trust and not fear.
Never met a child of strict parents who didn't go against everything their parents wanted as soon as they got the chance. I don't think we should confuse responsible and invested parents with strict parents.
I agree with the idea that people need self discipline, but many parents are too stupid to know how to do this. Discipline is not consequences, if you just punish someone for everything they do wrong, they're going to go wild when you can't punish them anymore. You have to teach them that discipline is important for themselves, not just making you happy.
This is the first time I've heard of the concept of toxic parenting. Interested in what people consider to be toxic.
They told you everything you didn't listen. Same as everyone ever. There's only one person to blame
No, you don't have to be strict to show how to respect boundaries, you have to be firm and consistent. It can be done in a kind and considerate manner too
Exactly. That's what my mother did:
She didn't have many set rules but those she had she was consistent about - and transparent.
She didn't want me to go into her hobby room because of the tools there being a potential danger hazard for a 8 year old child (she was into DIY furniture construction). I broke the rule once and my mother showed me one tool and explained how it worked - and explained by words why it is Dangerous (was a nailgun). She so explained that she'd never enter our rooms without permission uses we're in danger and so she asks for the same.
As you can tell, it left quite an impact. I never entered the room unsupervised and uninvited again
Being overly strict is the fastest way to make a rebellious kid.
If you want a kid that is self-disciplined, reward them for accomplishing goals and tasks. And when you need to tell the kid no, explain why you are telling the kid no so that they understand.
This is cap. Being overly strict can extremely slow down personal development.
Having more freedom lets you make more decisions early and learn how to deal with failure/consequences.
Exactly. People who can't control themselves have to rely on controlling others to create an environment where they don't explode.
If you associate "showing that bad behaviour leads to bad consequences" (like breaking a vase on purpose and having to replace it with your own money) with toxicity, that's problematic.
Parenting is difficult, especially if you go by gentle parenting, but there are ways to teach lessons through words and show.
Beating, belittling, spanking or taking away food/love does never get the point across. I less that point is "I am an unreasonable person, who doesn't care to show the mistake and logical consequences"
Lenient or strict can be bad. Firm is best
Completely agreed. Ironically, it is always the people who grew up being given everything they wanted and never told "no" who seem to be the least happiest, and adult life is so much harder on them. It's honestly good for people to not get everything their way in life. An over-indulgent lifestyle tends to make people less happy in my experience.
Also, self discipline allows people to create the life they want rather than allowing it to happen just however. We're really in much more control of our lives than we think (of course there will always be things that are out of our control, but there's so much that isn't), and self discipline enables people to take charge and go after the things they want without easily giving up or not being able to stay on track. It also creates better financial stability, which in turn creates a happier, less stressful life.
Parenting does not need to be borderline toxic. If you use abusive means, you are being abusive.
I don't know if I would say the word "toxic" but I think I get what you mean and completely agree. Parents need to be parents and teaching discipline, respect, order, etc is very important in being a contributing member of society which directly affects happiness
Some parents are life coaches
Some are just interested in compliance
This is not unpopular its just wrong
I was pretty much allowed to do whatever I wanted as a kid as long as I stayed out of trouble. If I was to have one little complaint it was that my mom did everything for me and never taught me how to be responsible. That could be where you're headed with "self discipline",
But it played no part in my happiness. I was very happy and very irresponsible for years as an adult.
I was controled for my entire childhood by my parents, it was i did what they said or else. And as my therapist described it as was not just 'toxic' but emotional abuse and neglect. Parents dont need to be a little toxic, they need to be clear about there boundaries and be empathetic twords there child and parent through trust and not fear.