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Flirting for fun or because you're bored is kind of toxic. amirite?

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Bill Maher just joked about this last episode. This is why this generation isn't getting laid

@Dr-pen Bill Maher just joked about this last episode. This is why this generation isn't getting laid

I've heard some of his takes on this and I sort of agree. The behavior I describe a lot of the time is more about asserting control over a person and that's literally strange. "You care and I don't." as if caring is a bad thing, choosing to be vulnerable requires you to be strong enough to pick yourself up after losing.

I don't understand the concept of boredom. I never get bored!

fourexhales avatar fourexhale Yeah You Are +4Reply

At the same time, just because I'm nice to you doesn't mean you can be upset when I tell you im not interested. Just because we have a nice conversation, go out drinking and partying, and I crash on your couch, doesn't mean I was flirting.

browndog888s avatar browndog888 Yeah You Are +4Reply

I hate people who are "accidently" flirting, like "I don't even know I'm doing it" type crap. They're not fooling anyone and they're an awful human being.

@LookAnAltAccount I hate people who are "accidently" flirting, like "I don't even know I'm doing it" type crap. They're not fooling...

I don't think people do it intentionally, but it's about having self awareness. They're not awful, attention seeking behavior generally comes from jealousy, low self esteem, etc. which everyone experiences. The thing is that it's our jealous, our low self esteem, it's not anyone's responsibility to make us feel better but our own.

Do you think you might be misreading things?

@JimKB Do you think you might be misreading things?

I got a buddy who did this type of thing, flirted got her number, had his ego boost, went quiet on the girl when she started inviting him to stuff and when she got with someone he got upset. Not referring to anything specific that has happened to me, just that behavior in general.

if you're intentionally leading somebody on then of course but flirting for fun is pretty well, fun. it's not something I've done very often but it can be pretty funny and it's a nice way to bond with some random people

1440807101s avatar 1440807101 Yeah You Are +3Reply

If it's any consolation the people I've known who do this tend to be very unstable people with terribly low self-esteem and no will to fix it. No one's happy in that situation so in a weird way at least you're not alone?

@Huemaninstrument If it's any consolation the people I've known who do this tend to be very unstable people with terribly low...

I think we should just strive to be better overall regardless of instability or low self-esteem.It seems some people are taking this a personal attack when I'm saying the behavior is toxic and not the person.

@tonywonderslostnut I think we should just strive to be better overall regardless of instability or low self-esteem.It seems some...

I promise I'm not attacking you, I just want to let you know that the people doing this usually aren't in a great headspace. Is that fair to others? No. But it thankfully is just a nuisance not harassment. It'd obviously be preferable for them to get real help.

Flirting with expectations is toxic. Flirting without expectations is not.

I flirt all the time to help people improve thier self cofidence. You sound like an incel/femcel who is basically saying "dont say anything nice about me unless your DTF"

Sure sounds like the real toxicity here is your overreaction to the idea of anyone flirting with you in the slightest.

Tldfonats avatar Tldfonat Yeah You Are +3Reply
@Vic8760 If you flirt with someone just for fun, you are leading them on.

If you automatically assume flirting means more than just flirting, you are taking it way too seriously.

Apartlavishnesss avatar Apartlavishness Yeah You Are +4Reply

Big incel vibes

You must be a child

Framie1s avatar Framie1 Yeah You Are +3Reply
@Framie1 You must be a child

Children tend to name call don't they? 👀

Friend: winks

"OMG 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩"

Thatoneduderyans avatar Thatoneduderyan Yeah You Are +2Reply

I see what you mean to a point. But I still think harmless, innocent flirting can be fun. :)

What's up, baby. Take me out to dinner 😘

jodzdzownicas avatar jodzdzownica Yeah You Are +2Reply
@jodzdzownica What's up, baby. Take me out to dinner 😘

Hmm, I don't think I can finish you in one sitting. Mind if I invite some friends?

I try to make it a point to tell anyone I flirt with that I'm not looking for anything serious; just some fun and company. Usually people are cool with it and want the same thing, some are not. It all depends on communication. People who refuse to communicate their intentions are the problem.

@Crazymotherfuker I try to make it a point to tell anyone I flirt with that I'm not looking for anything serious; just some fun and...

True. As long as you make it clear why you're doing it, you're giving the other person a chance to nit engage in it. That's fair. Only people who don't say anything or straight out lie about their intentions are 💩.

Milkzeys avatar Milkzey Yeah You Are +4Reply
@Crazymotherfuker I try to make it a point to tell anyone I flirt with that I'm not looking for anything serious; just some fun and...

I can 100% get behind this because you are choosing to be vulnerable and saying your intentions.There's no plausible deniability or vagueness.

Nintendo Certified behavior.

@tonywonderslostnut I can 100% get behind this because you are choosing to be vulnerable and saying your intentions.There's no...

Thank you! Honestly I can't get behind not telling someone what I'm after. I'm approaching 21, working my ass off to get my life sorted. The last thing I want (or frankly need) is a relationship. All the fun that comes with it, though? That I can vibe with. Flirting, dates—whatever it is, I'm down, just nothing serious.

Cheers man.

Mrtechnohawks avatar Mrtechnohawk Yeah You Are +1Reply

maybe it's just the probable undiagnosed autism, but I personally don't attach flirting and relationships a ton. I feel like the only time I've ever flirted, it's been with friends who I have no romantic feelings for who I know have no romantic feelings for me. Every time I've ever been flirted with (see: like twice) I've assumed it was platonic.

obviously, it definitely can go too far if you lead someone into thinking there's feelings when there isn't.

Some-Noname-idks avatar Some-Noname-idk Yeah You Are +2Reply

Yeah, I agree if you mean heavy flirting and raising someone's hopes. That's disgusting, egoistic behavior in my opinion that one only engages in for self-affirmation.

Light flirting I like, but also don't take it too seriously usually.

Yeah, it's fun though...

Achilles982s avatar Achilles982 Yeah You Are +2Reply

As a married man of 8 years I still flirt with anything with 2 legs because I find it hilarious. Especially when my wife gets annoyed

Prettydottys avatar Prettydotty Yeah You Are +2Reply

Flirting covers a pretty wide spectrum of actions and different people will interpret those actions differently.

I think light flirting is all good, but if you're flirting with the same person everyday knowing it'll never go anywhere and knowing they're interested, then it's kinda cruel.

@opensofias Flirting covers a pretty wide spectrum of actions and different people will interpret those actions differently...

It definitely depends on the recipients perspective too

I had someone accuse me of leading them on after I smiled at them...

And played with my hair.

Achilles982s avatar Achilles982 Yeah You Are +3Reply
@opensofias Flirting covers a pretty wide spectrum of actions and different people will interpret those actions differently...

Or people who escalate flirting until they get a response. That is 100% toxic.

"See? I could have you if I wanted" = you need therapy.

I agree tbh. I can't tell you how many times someone at a party (or similar) has flirted with me and then me, being single, being intrigued thinking I may have "met someone." Then their partner comes over and tells them it's time to go home.

I can see it being harmless fun when, say, the playing fields are level, but if one half is actually lonely and/or seeking something authentic, it's a little different. To one person it may be harmless, to the other it can feel like a small slight or a waste of time/energy.

@Bf3247 Are you sure they weren't just… merely talking to you and being nice? idk

I know for a fact people have misconstrued my friendliness for flirting… and likewise, my partners kindness towards others has also been mistaken for flirting…

I wish people didn't jump to conclusions so quick. Tbh, I've learned from it, and am not as nice to strangers as I was once because of it (got traumatized from hearing "x is sooo into me" from another source, when I was happily in a relationship and was merely being nice to someone else). A lady (or guy) can't be even be nice these days

It's not "Kind of".. it's definitely toxic

ambitiouscorners avatar ambitiouscorner Yeah You Are +1Reply

Just go to a place we're everyone flirts for fun :3 problems solved.

Apartlavishnesss avatar Apartlavishness Yeah You Are +1Reply

It's ok if I do it with the homies tho

There's a difference between flirting and seduction. Flirting in isolation is a way to gift someone a little extra self-confidence, sometimes people are bad at it and you can't distinguish between the two, but you should be able to tell the difference between your waitress calling you "honey" and someone actually trying to get you to sleep with them.

vcsandfecess avatar vcsandfeces Yeah You Are +1Reply
@vcsandfeces There's a difference between flirting and seduction. Flirting in isolation is a way to gift someone a little extra...

Only thing I disagree with is that literally the definition of flirting is..

"(To) behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions."

i think it's just a fun thing people do, it's not like you're falling in love with someone when they call you cute

Mytokhondrias avatar Mytokhondria Yeah You Are +1Reply
@Mytokhondria i think it's just a fun thing people do, it's not like you're falling in love with someone when they call you cute

That's oversimplified though, you can call someone cute and it has a different connotation than calling someone sexy or handsome.

That's not even what I'm referring to aside, carry on.

Jfc. Now people found a way to be offended by flirting? Lmfaooooooooo

@Boknows12 Jfc. Now people found a way to be offended by flirting? Lmfaooooooooo

It's not being offended, it's straight up common courtesy. If you don't mean nothing, say nothing lol.

I agree with this to a certain point, flirting for fun is fine but leading someone on is not. I'm a friendly flirt, it's my favorite form of playful banter. Which is why I outright tell people I'm having extended interactions with that fact, and ask they let me know if it makes them uncomfortable.

On the other side of the coin, everyone seems to have different ideas of flirting so it can be really easy to misinterpret someone's "being friendly" as flirting. I've had people think I was flirting with them because I gave them a compliment.

I don't know how you flirt. Sounds kinda intense tbh

mattyh2433s avatar mattyh2433 Yeah You Are +1Reply

Aww you poor thing, did your feelings get hurt? :(

Not as much as watching porn.

KilljoyXs avatar KilljoyX Yeah You Are 0Reply

I'm not gonna lie, I love flirting, even though I'm in a serieus relationship. My boyfriend is a huge flirt as well and that's also fine by me. But flirting in the workplace is always a very big no. So unprofessional, and things escalate easily because you see each other every day.

There is no other way to flirt, but for fun.

Pheniz21s avatar Pheniz21 Yeah You Are 0Reply

Very unpopular to have some honest fun

Mrtechnohawks avatar Mrtechnohawk Yeah You Are 0Reply

How dare they pretend to flirt with a "nice guy" such as yourself.

Surely they owe you their bodies now.

Fedora tipping intensifies

@georgecampos How dare they pretend to flirt with a "nice guy" such as yourself. Surely they owe you their bodies now. Fedora...

I don't think that's the point. The point is clear communication, empathy and fairness, not being flirted at in general. Just making it clear that you're in a relationship or that you just flirt for fun. That's fair and the other person knows what to make of it. Not communicating at all or lying is toxic.

KilljoyXs avatar KilljoyX Yeah You Are +1Reply

Mad incel vibes

@georgecampos Mad incel vibes

You don't know what an incel is lmao.

@tonywonderslostnut You don't know what an incel is lmao.

I don't think that girls who flirt with me owe me anything.

You're one of those neckbearded "nice guys"

This isn't an unpopular opinion.

I agree with you.

But this isn't an unpopular opinion.

I'm interested if op is a male or a female

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