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Isolating yourself when you're upset is perfectly acceptable, amirite?

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Big agree. Too many people see it as avoiding a problem, when really it's almost always better to take a step back and cool down before coming back to it

@jodzdzownica Big agree. Too many people see it as avoiding a problem, when really it's almost always better to take a step back...

I just hate the idea that you have to sit around being uncomfortable in order to protect other peoples feelings. We come first to ourselves and sometimes cooling off is the answer regardless of if someone accepts it or not

If you have been told otherwise, you have been the target of manipulation.

@fourexhale If you have been told otherwise, you have been the target of manipulation.

If I stay at home , someone else is going to have to take grandma to her appointments. I can understand why they would highly encourage me to get back out there. Thank you.

Just start telling them that you need to dip out for a minute to calm down or you cannot be held responsible for what comes out of your mouth.

Obligatory not unpopular.

This is healthy and is a sentiment discussed more and more as time goes one.

@lazar94 Clearly it is unpopular if many people have been told they're wrong for doing it

Clearly you're argumentative. Maybe not ready for a mature relationship?

I don't know how truly unpopular this is being as it's advice I've seen given to myself and others by multiple mental health professionals. Same along the lines of if you're upset with your baby put them down in a safe space and walk away. Everyone I've ever talked to agrees that walking away in an emotionally charged situation is warranted and beneficial with the caveat that the situation needs to be addressed at a later time when tensions are lower and a more rational discussion is able to be had. It's more of a time out than a "I don't want to talk about this so I'm going to leave and just ignore it."

@lazar94 I feel like I've been surrounded by the wrong people lol

If it's constantly ruining multiple friendships for you then I guess you're not communicating properly. This is not an unpopular opinion.

When my husband and I get into an argument, which isn't often, I leave the room and go lay down for a while. If I don't come out after an hour, he'll come check if I just need more time or if there's something more I'm upset about, and either leave or talk it out with me, depending.

It's much better than continuing to fight and get more and more agitated with one another.

I usually leave the room, take an hour to calm down, then text the person and communicate how I feel that way.

Some-Noname-idks avatar Some-Noname-idk Yeah You Are +5Reply
@Some-Noname-idk I usually leave the room, take an hour to calm down, then text the person and communicate how I feel that way.

Best way to be. Wish I could calm down in an hour sometimes it takes me a week but that's only with people who aren't of high importance like it would be different with a close family member or a partner or best friend

I dont think its childish at all to walk away. Actually I think its the opposite- knowing when to back off and give yourself space to calm down is pretty much the most mature decision you can make in that scenario

Mcgee0s avatar Mcgee0 Yeah You Are +4Reply

There's a huge difference between needing space for processing vs intentionally withdrawing affection as punishment. Sometimes people confuse the two, so clarifying you need time to process is in no way toxic behavior. Freezing someone out to "get back at them" is extremely toxic. So, as with many things, intent and communication is key and makes all the difference

@Nickyikky There's a huge difference between needing space for processing vs intentionally withdrawing affection as...

What if it's not a punishment though
I guess some people do use it as a punishment
But what if you don't have the spoons to handle it and decide that it's not something you're willing to put up with. What if time passes and you've decided you no longer want to partake in a relationship with said person. Not out of spite but out of that chapter being closed.

@lazar94 What if it's not a punishment though I guess some people do use it as a punishment But what if you don't have the...

You communicate that to the other person. Anyone would be understandably upset and hurt when something ends. There's really no escaping emotional turmoil when feelings are involved. It's about keeping your actions and intent above board and respectful.

As others have said, it isn't an unpopular opinion to need space to process events or if you decide to end a relationship/friendship/and whatever else kind of ship. It's when people use it as a tactic to intentionally cause hurt that's the problem. This is what no one likes and would indeed be an unpopular opinion to support. It's about keeping your actions respectful. It's impossible to control anyone else's reaction tho. Maybe they understand your words and actions the first time around and it's a healthy communication. Or maybe they do think you're lashing out. Then that's on them to work on tho

@88080808088 You communicate that to the other person. Anyone would be understandably upset and hurt when something ends...

I think I understand what you're saying. I'm operating from the midst of my anger when reaching out would result in regretful words rather than empathetic reassurance.

@lazar94 I think I understand what you're saying. I'm operating from the midst of my anger when reaching out would result in...

And that's extremely emotionally healthy to know that about yourself and taking steps to prevent it. Good on you. If I know about certain triggers of mine I try to give a heads up. Like saying, "I need time to myself when I start feeling too angry." Then, if a fight is starting the behavior isn't surprising. And if a misunderstanding does happen, explain it after everything calms down and use it to better understand each other. But that's hard to do all the time, as, like you said, we all don't have complete regulation of ourselves 100% of the time. So we just do our best

@Alixkast And that's extremely emotionally healthy to know that about yourself and taking steps to prevent it. Good on you...

I'm almost always able to explain to a person after I calm down how I'm like. I've taken to explaining it to people I date when getting to know them that this is how I operate so I doesn't come as a surprise when it does happen because chances are that it will happen and I've actually learnt through experience people are not used to this form of coping.

@lazar94 I'm almost always able to explain to a person after I calm down how I'm like. I've taken to explaining it to people...

I think it's also part of maturing to track your emotions before you get to a point where you're too emotionally overwhelmed to communicate that you're overwhelmed. It can be quite jarring when you're speaking to someone and all of a sudden they cut contact. It doesn't take a lot to say "this is a lot for me at the moment. Can we come back to this?" But tracking yourself in the moment is a hard skill.

@Pheniz21 I think it's also part of maturing to track your emotions before you get to a point where you're too emotionally...

I think this is fine for someone with a neuro typical brain becomes very hard for those of us who are not mentally well. Practice makes perfect though right?

100% with this. I have a friend who was weirded out by the fact that I live alone 90% of the time and I'm fine with it. I can't stand living with someone constantly and I feel suffocated for some reason but when I'm on my own, I feel so liberated.

That's exactly what works for me. Whenever I am upset I tend to say things or behave in ways that never meant to. So instead of making things worse I just leave for a bit. It has upset a few people in the past I think it's the right thing for me to do.

@Iapetus-11 That's exactly what works for me. Whenever I am upset I tend to say things or behave in ways that never meant to...

I have said many things that time and patience would have allowed me not to say
I have also ended many friendships with people who couldn't understand that in a heated argument I need time to calm down and regain my composure

I would say for people you do not know or have rapport with, but this is an absolutely amazing idea and should be utilized more often .

However, for people you're actively maintaining a relationship with...It's important that you set these boundaries ahead of time. Sometimes leaving mid argument might make YOU feel better...but if you're at all interested in respecting the other person's feelings, you have to explain what you're doing and why you're doing it and it needs to be as amicable as best as you can be in the moment.

My SO agrees to do this but sometimes she will be like "I'm going to go to my mom's so that I can leave you alone"

I never asked for her to leave me alone. I've let her know I'm still wanting to keep engaging. Her wording it that way is hurtful because it suggests the problem is me needing space from her. When in reality (and she recognizes this) she just might not be able to think and communicate clearly while she's worked up and angry.

I've told her this. She seems to get it but insists that's not how she meant it and that she's sorry I interpreted it that way.

The overall takeaway is how you communicate the need for isolating yourself is important. If you just blow tf up and demand to be left alone, you're going to make things worse. If you try to spin it as a "I'll leave you alone now" you're likely going to make the other person feel like you're pinning It on them. Easier said than done but it is something to chew on.

contextrips avatar contextrip Yeah You Are +3Reply

It depends if you end up not eventually finishing the conversation

@opensofias It depends if you end up not eventually finishing the conversation

I'm not sure it does depend. If you're personally unable to get over the series of events there's no reason you should have to push yourself through an uncomfortable existence for someone else's peace of mind sometimes is best to agree to disagree if two people can't get along.

@lazar94 I'm not sure it does depend. If you're personally unable to get over the series of events there's no reason you...

Sure, but "agree to disagree" means the relationship is now over. Fine if it's a casual acquaintance, but if that person is your family or your partner, it could mean major disruption lasting years, even losing everything you have. Sometimes it is better to endure an uncomfortable discussion for a few minutes rather than face years of hardship.

Okay this is definitely not unpopular

@freq432 Okay this is definitely not unpopular

not really, every time I read people's advices on how to handle being upset or being depressed, most of the time they say "connect with someone, reach out to a loved one"

@Manualham not really, every time I read people's advices on how to handle being upset or being depressed, most of the time...

Right but there's a big difference between "upset" as in ‘depressed' and upset as in "I am upset because I am having an argument with someone". You are talking about the former, OP the latter.

Space is a good way to control emotional outbursts and sorting yourself before a conversation goes where it doesn't need to, it's an excellent tactic and mandatory for people with anger disorders.

Apartlavishnesss avatar Apartlavishness Yeah You Are +2Reply

I'm leaving for your benefit, not mine.

@mattyh2433 I'm leaving for your benefit, not mine.

I think I leave for the benefit of everyone involved 😆

@lazar94 I think I leave for the benefit of everyone involved 😆

Agreed. I have a bit of a temper and if I don't remove myself, there's usually lasting consequences.

SnooStoriess avatar SnooStories Yeah You Are +5Reply

it is, I just leave the room, house, street, city, meadow, forrest, desert, ocean, stratosphere, solar system, milky way, observable universe...

It makes far more sense to leave an upsetting conversation before you say something you might regret. In fact, I would say. knowing yourself enough to admit you may say something out of anger if you stick with the conversation is a sign of maturity, not immaturity.

No it's perfectly healthy to step back from an argument that makes you upset. If the emotions are too much and you cant express them right now without hurting anyone it's okay to step out and say that you need time to think about certain things.

However it's important that you communicate this and that you come back to the conversation and dont just ignore it.

Nothing selfish or egoistic or toxic about wanting to express your feelings healthy or being overwhelmed in an argument.

Absolutely. Go for a walk or a run, or drink whiskey in a dark room. Just do it alone.

Mrtechnohawks avatar Mrtechnohawk Yeah You Are 0Reply

Bro what, how did I see this when I needed it the most

dankXDs avatar dankXD Yeah You Are 0Reply

It's not toxic to isolate yourself but what you are describing is not that. What you are describing is, "it's not my fault I have no self control" to which I say. Grow up.

@Mytokhondria It's not toxic to isolate yourself but what you are describing is not that. What you are describing is, "it's not...

Only it isn't any bodies fault if they haven't been able to grow self regulation to the degree a well rounded person has. It's a journey. I don't ignore people or ghost people to be selfish I do it when I've decided the conversations and friendships have become too toxic for my life. Maybe my issue lays in sorting out these people before I tie myself to them? But I certainly don't disengage to be petty or spiteful.

@lazar94 Only it isn't any bodies fault if they haven't been able to grow self regulation to the degree a well rounded...

It's no one's fault that youve not grown into an acceptable person. It is your fault if you don't recognize those behaviors and actively work on them.

@Vic8760 It's no one's fault that youve not grown into an acceptable person. It is your fault if you don't recognize those...

Bold of you to assume I blame anybody for my self regulation as I said it's learnt. You sound like a piece of work. God help the person who needs to sit down and have a conversation with you 😅

@lazar94 Bold of you to assume I blame anybody for my self regulation as I said it's learnt. You sound like a piece of work...

Right? I might ask them to talk to me instead of storming out of the room for 48 hours of alone time

@Milkzey Right? I might ask them to talk to me instead of storming out of the room for 48 hours of alone time

Maybe you're just so insufferable they don't want to sit down with you and speak, maybe they don't want you in their life at all, and their best course of action would be to ghost you. And I hope they do.

@lazar94 Maybe you're just so insufferable they don't want to sit down with you and speak, maybe they don't want you in...

Lmao okay buddy, keep handling conflict by leaving rooms and refusing to improve yourself.

@Manualham Lmao okay buddy, keep handling conflict by leaving rooms and refusing to improve yourself.

Thanks! Keep losing people in your life by being irritating when they've clearly stated that irritating behaviours trigger their annoyance. Sometimes if you want to make a point you need to be nice. We're strangers not sure why you think being abrasive is anyway to teach someone how to be better. Bye!!

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