Grandparents are more gentle and relaxed to their grandkids, because they are trying to make up for some bad parenting they think they did with their kids, amirite?
I think grandparents are nicer to their grandkids because their grandkids don't piss them off as much as their kids did. My mom straight up said she loves her granddaughter more than me because her granddaughter hasn't done anything to make her mad yet.
Or maybe they can get all the good parts of parenting without the bad ones. They get to play, have fun, give gifts, do activities, and normally don't have to deal as much with disciplining the child or being drained by constantly taking care of them.
I think it's just that they get all the rewards (love, fun, cute kids) and none of the responsibilities (discipline, 24/7 care, paying for everything and being stressed out at all times). Grandma can watch the kids for a weekend but then they go back to their parents and gma gets to rest.
They also have the experience of having learned through doing for 18+ years and the lack of the intense feelings of responsibility allow them to be more objective in how they react
There is also a good cop/bad cop dynamic at play. It's nice to have an adult that is almost always on the kids' side, is permissive, and shows them love in a different way.
For all the obvious reasons already mentioned, the actual parents cannot do that.
Same reason why Uncle Joe can also be the cool uncle.
Grandma can wildly flour the rules, and doesnt pay the consequences. Kid was up all night? It's okay, they're going home in the morning so granny doesn't deal with grumpiness.
Kid ate trash? Grandma isn't gonna deal with them being grumpy and constipated
Nope. The time demands, financial demands, and lack of experience have been repaired by that point. (Unless you become a grandparent in your early 30's.)
Nonsense. It's because they get to enjoy time with young people again but without the responsibility of shaping their character. Being a parent is so, so, stressful. Being an auntie or grandma is just a matter of giving love.
Nah, we're just in a mellower age, without the stress of trying to educate half decent human beings. Also, it's just less work letting things come and go.
Every generation goes through it. The grandparents pamper the grandkids. The grandkids are now spoiled, and their parents have to deal with them. Those parents were once kids, and those grandparents were the parents of those kids, and they went through it too because their own parents spoiled their kids. It's a form of inherited generational revenge.
I don't believe that's what it is. For starters just about everyone gets mellower with age. Secondly - grandparents don't usually watch a grandkid 24/7/365 so it's easier to muster the patience.
I agree with you. Mainly that they are more mellow as they get older. I've heard stories of my parents getting their ass kicked and so have I. But idt I've ever seen my grandparents or parents get angry to that extent
Nah, it's because they're not parenting the grandkids. As they shouldn't be (unless said child is in their custody). The parents are parenting. The grandparents are helping but do not have a say in the decisions, ultimately.
The saying "you raise your kids and spoil your grandchildren or you spoil your kids and raise your grandchildren" is pretty apt here. When I drop my kid off at grandma's my rules don't apply. Grandma can give you as much ice cream as you can handle and let you watch as much tv as possible. I may not like it but that's grandmas time to shine and I want my kid to love grandma and think of grandmas house like a vacation from dad with all the rules.
Clearly you have not observed a grandparent fall into the petty disappointment that a 3 year old did not provide a suitably appreciative gift at Christmas. Humans can be irrational. Emotions are sticky. Humans stick them to scenarios the emotion does not apply.
I remember that there is also a correlation with age as statically younger parents are stricter than older ones. This might also include bigger stress levels for younger parents due to social factors such as careers and lack of savings, for older parents these factors impact them less.
My grandma was certainly different. She was more strict than my mom. Absolutely no goofing off until you're done with these chores I came up with that you don't normally have to do! Every surface of the house needs dusting! You didn't clean the table well enough, I can see a spot here, and here, and here, and here... I know you just got every spot I pointed to but do it again, it still looks dirty! Why don't you like when I come to babysit?
Meanwhile, my mom: you either take out the trash, or you do the dishes. Your sister will do the other. I don't care who does what as long as it gets done, I'm not gonna micro manage. You can go play when you're done.
It's more likely that there are no consequences. Load them up on junk food and overstimulate them then send them home to Mom and Dad is just a little payback for the privilege of living so long.
This is it. Grandparents who are not primary caregivers don't have to think about the child's college fund, insurance coverage, the money needed for next semesters band trip. They aren't the ones waiting up until 2 a.m. when someone breaks curfew or cleaning all the messes left around the house daily. It's much easier to be sweet and gentle when you aren't carrying all the responsibilities. With that being said, some grandparents do all of this, God bless em.
Also responsibility and stress do not justify being a twat to your children so consider this an explanation not an excuse.
I always wondered why parents stay up after curfew. My oldest is 6 so I'm not there yet, but my parents just went to bed and figured I'd be home eventually.
I'm a pretty laid-back parent but I can't sleep until I know my kids are home safe for the night. It's not even a conscience decision I make, it's just that my brain doesn't turn off until they are home. I've often wondered if it has to do with how many friends I lost as a teenager to car accidents at night or in the snow. Now with that being said, my kids are younger teenagers so it doesn't come up much yet and I'm really hoping it becomes less of a thing as they get older and have jobs or fuller social lives. I'm also fine with staying up as long as they let me know they'll be later than expected.
responsibility and stress do not justify being a twat to your children
Couldn't agree more, lots of parents go into things without spending a minute researching what having a child means for them. It's not sunshine and rainbows so don't expect it to be.
No. Lol, it's because they can give them back at the end of the day. They can just do the fun stuff without the stress. I can't wait to be a granny one day.
Also because they're older and wiser; that can happen as you age, too. They also may have less stress about budding careers, etc, since presumably they are well into their career or retired by the time they've got grandkids.
LOL.
they can give the little snotty noses back to the parents when they become exhausting...
This seems very specific and personal, and it has not been my experience at all.
When the grandparents start getting frustrated with the kid they can just hand him back to his parents.
It worked for me. Totally helped me and my moms relationship that she was such a great grandma despite sucking as a mom.
1000000% true for my grandma and 25% true for my great grandma
I think grandparents are nicer to their grandkids because their grandkids don't piss them off as much as their kids did. My mom straight up said she loves her granddaughter more than me because her granddaughter hasn't done anything to make her mad yet.
No, it's because seeing a grandparents typically don't have to form a kid into a functional adult.
or they did do their parenting right and actually raise/treat you better than your own mom/absent dad
Or maybe they can get all the good parts of parenting without the bad ones. They get to play, have fun, give gifts, do activities, and normally don't have to deal as much with disciplining the child or being drained by constantly taking care of them.
Gnaw, that aint it. When I don't have to be the disciplinarian and can just be the fun and playful adult, yer damn right I am gunna take that chance,
I think it's just that they get all the rewards (love, fun, cute kids) and none of the responsibilities (discipline, 24/7 care, paying for everything and being stressed out at all times). Grandma can watch the kids for a weekend but then they go back to their parents and gma gets to rest.
Which is fair, if they were half decent parents themselves, because they bore the responsibilities for the people who have to bear them now
This. Has nothing to do with 'guilt'...
They also have the experience of having learned through doing for 18+ years and the lack of the intense feelings of responsibility allow them to be more objective in how they react
There is also a good cop/bad cop dynamic at play. It's nice to have an adult that is almost always on the kids' side, is permissive, and shows them love in a different way.
For all the obvious reasons already mentioned, the actual parents cannot do that.
Same reason why Uncle Joe can also be the cool uncle.
Grandma can wildly flour the rules, and doesnt pay the consequences. Kid was up all night? It's okay, they're going home in the morning so granny doesn't deal with grumpiness.
Kid ate trash? Grandma isn't gonna deal with them being grumpy and constipated
Kids also save their "worse" behavior for their parents, who they feel most comfortable with.
In Portugal grandparents are called "pais mas com acucar." That means "parents but with sugar" which I think accurately describes this
That's so sweet! I'll use this to explain to my kids why the grandbabies always wanna stay with Granny.
glad i could help (;
They are just chill because their patience reservoir has had time to refill, and they know that they can leave anytime with no responsibility.
Nope. The time demands, financial demands, and lack of experience have been repaired by that point. (Unless you become a grandparent in your early 30's.)
Nah grandparents and grandkids get along because they have a common enemy.
Nonsense. It's because they get to enjoy time with young people again but without the responsibility of shaping their character. Being a parent is so, so, stressful. Being an auntie or grandma is just a matter of giving love.
My mom loads my kids with stuff we don't allow but it's all good
Nah, we're just in a mellower age, without the stress of trying to educate half decent human beings. Also, it's just less work letting things come and go.
Every generation goes through it. The grandparents pamper the grandkids. The grandkids are now spoiled, and their parents have to deal with them. Those parents were once kids, and those grandparents were the parents of those kids, and they went through it too because their own parents spoiled their kids. It's a form of inherited generational revenge.
I don't believe that's what it is. For starters just about everyone gets mellower with age. Secondly - grandparents don't usually watch a grandkid 24/7/365 so it's easier to muster the patience.
I agree with you. Mainly that they are more mellow as they get older. I've heard stories of my parents getting their ass kicked and so have I. But idt I've ever seen my grandparents or parents get angry to that extent
Nah, it's because they're not parenting the grandkids. As they shouldn't be (unless said child is in their custody). The parents are parenting. The grandparents are helping but do not have a say in the decisions, ultimately.
The saying "you raise your kids and spoil your grandchildren or you spoil your kids and raise your grandchildren" is pretty apt here. When I drop my kid off at grandma's my rules don't apply. Grandma can give you as much ice cream as you can handle and let you watch as much tv as possible. I may not like it but that's grandmas time to shine and I want my kid to love grandma and think of grandmas house like a vacation from dad with all the rules.
Clearly you have not observed a grandparent fall into the petty disappointment that a 3 year old did not provide a suitably appreciative gift at Christmas. Humans can be irrational. Emotions are sticky. Humans stick them to scenarios the emotion does not apply.
Not the case with me at all. I take great joy in watching my grandkids do to their parents what their parents did to me.
No it's because when they have had enough they can return them :P
I remember that there is also a correlation with age as statically younger parents are stricter than older ones. This might also include bigger stress levels for younger parents due to social factors such as careers and lack of savings, for older parents these factors impact them less.
My grandma was certainly different. She was more strict than my mom. Absolutely no goofing off until you're done with these chores I came up with that you don't normally have to do! Every surface of the house needs dusting! You didn't clean the table well enough, I can see a spot here, and here, and here, and here... I know you just got every spot I pointed to but do it again, it still looks dirty! Why don't you like when I come to babysit?
Meanwhile, my mom: you either take out the trash, or you do the dishes. Your sister will do the other. I don't care who does what as long as it gets done, I'm not gonna micro manage. You can go play when you're done.
For me it was that my parents used discipline while my Grammy used rewards.
It wasn't "be good at K Mart or else". It was "if you kids stay with Grammy you can get a candy bar on the way out"
Or because they know that it's not their responsibility really.
Think of having a pet but you're not the one responsible. You get all the good without the bad.
It's more likely that there are no consequences. Load them up on junk food and overstimulate them then send them home to Mom and Dad is just a little payback for the privilege of living so long.
Not just that but also being able to parent without stress tends to make people more relaxed.
This is it. Grandparents who are not primary caregivers don't have to think about the child's college fund, insurance coverage, the money needed for next semesters band trip. They aren't the ones waiting up until 2 a.m. when someone breaks curfew or cleaning all the messes left around the house daily. It's much easier to be sweet and gentle when you aren't carrying all the responsibilities. With that being said, some grandparents do all of this, God bless em.
Also responsibility and stress do not justify being a twat to your children so consider this an explanation not an excuse.
Why should you have to justify being a twat to your children? You can do it just for funsies.
Do you want your kids to develop a complex? 'Cause that's how kids develop a complex.
I mean, they wouldn't be normal without one
I always wondered why parents stay up after curfew. My oldest is 6 so I'm not there yet, but my parents just went to bed and figured I'd be home eventually.
I'm a pretty laid-back parent but I can't sleep until I know my kids are home safe for the night. It's not even a conscience decision I make, it's just that my brain doesn't turn off until they are home. I've often wondered if it has to do with how many friends I lost as a teenager to car accidents at night or in the snow. Now with that being said, my kids are younger teenagers so it doesn't come up much yet and I'm really hoping it becomes less of a thing as they get older and have jobs or fuller social lives. I'm also fine with staying up as long as they let me know they'll be later than expected.
Couldn't agree more, lots of parents go into things without spending a minute researching what having a child means for them. It's not sunshine and rainbows so don't expect it to be.
No. Lol, it's because they can give them back at the end of the day. They can just do the fun stuff without the stress. I can't wait to be a granny one day.
Maybe partially....for some. But the only reason? For all? Definitely not.
My Theorie is that its no longer their kid so they have to treat it better or there would be consequenses
Also because they're older and wiser; that can happen as you age, too. They also may have less stress about budding careers, etc, since presumably they are well into their career or retired by the time they've got grandkids.
And grandkids are about 5% their responsibility vs. the 100% their children were. Much less pressure and stress.
Take care of your kids now so that you can spoil your grandkids later. Spoil your kids now and you'll end up taking care of your grandkids later.
How about, because they get to send them home at the end of the day.
That's a quote from marge simpson in that one episode in the future.