I get what you're trying to say i kinda agree, to make someone happy or "secure" i have to cut off friends of the opposite gender ? because an ex of yours destroyed your ability to trust by cheating? why should I compromise my own relationships because you didn't work on your trauma and issues before dating again

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yes that's all I'm saying it just doesn't seem fair

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Unfortunately you will have to set boundaries with those kind of people for your own sake and say something like "i don't feel i am ready to navigate those waters with you right now, if you want to talk after some time when you are more healed from those wounds the door is open" and wish them the best. "Don't try to control me because of someones else sh!tty actions" - is your basically what you said

by Anonymous 1 year ago

>I'm tired of people hiding their trauma or insecurities behind "boundaries" That is how boundaries are made lol. Essentially, someone confided something deeply personal to you and all you could manage to pull out of that was that it's unfair that they don't give you what you want. Yikes

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I think you have it confused. Them wanting me to go by their boundaries is something they want. Me being not "allowed" to not do something because of someone's insecurities has nothing to do with me

by Anonymous 1 year ago

But it has something to do with them. Lol For example: If I'm insecure about my chest bc my ex told me 1000 times they're ugly and disgusting, that insecurity won't go away just bc we broke up So now I don't want to take off my shirt. It's my boundary lol. And you have to respect that Also OP even though I know that some people really want their partner to "fix them" MOST people just share WHY they feel/ act or like/ dislike something. "Hey im insecure bc of my chest because of XY, I need a lot of reinsurance to be able to show that to you and thats why" They're not expecting you to fix them. They're explaining why, and telling you how you could help them. That's not fixing anything and that's just part of a healthy relationship

by Anonymous 1 year ago

There's a fair boundary to have im not saying verbal abuse like that isn't real or that it doesn't have affects on a persons self esteem. However, for a example if a girl I'm talking to was cheated on before and now doesn't want me to have girl friends that has nothing to do with me. If I cheated on her or talked to girls behind her back and to make her feel comfortable I cut off my girl friends then that makes sense. But I'm not gonna accept someone's boundaries that was created by the guy before me

by Anonymous 1 year ago

That's not a boundary that's controlling. Just don't date people like that

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I agree. But it can be hard to get out of those relationships sometimes. I personally had relationships (not just dating, just friends as well) with people who sometimes will use "boundaries" as a method to control others. Like it doesn't even have to be extreme like in OP's example. Little things that end up hurting you but since they are little things, it is not like you can easily call them out on it and since they are their "boundaries" you have to respect it. Kind of tough to get out of those to be honest because you question yourself and feel guilty.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I know I'm saying, people like to use the word boundary as a way to justify their doing.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

What a mind boggling stupid take. Nobody should be forced to do anything. If someone has traumas or deep insecurities then why should they have to conform to your expectations and feel miserable just for you? There's a thing called free will, if they don't want to be exposed to anyone who would make them feel miserable, then they don't have to. And if you don't like their boundaries, then nobody is forcing you to be with them. You're the one attempting to force your views on others just because you lack empathy and understanding. You've got your own insecurities, we all do, and we all have boundaries, just to different degrees.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yo. You are trying to f* around with other people and she said no and you are pissed! I feel so sorry for her, she should no want kind of person you are, whining on here like this. Gross

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Dated a girl with bipolar. To her, it was MY job to take care of that - when she lashed out, it was due to her bipolar and I should brush it of. Not like I am sane and now I am hurt noooo - in the last stages her ex talked less and less with her. Everytime I did not respond she would panic. Yeah also that, not my problem. 2 hours not responding is not even long Got more examples, but yeah. There are fair and unfair boundaries. The people who use them as a ‘get out of jail free card' are too immature to date

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I agree it's not anyone's job, and that they should be putting in work as well, however there's some aspects of working on trust that you literally cannot do unless you're in a relationship (at least for me) so having someone who is patient and wants to help can be world changing I'm really happy I met someone who loves me for who I am and is willing to help me along this type of journey. Its okay if doing this sort of thing is not for you, you have to find someone you will mesh with, but also having insecurities doesn't make being controlling okay

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Funny how everyone goes on the offensive. I actually totally agree with you. Someone who drops their friends just to simp for their SO, is not to be trusted. Which is why I would never make such demand myself, because I don't want them to drop their friends and now I fear they may drop me just as easily later on. And I have a lesbian couple got divorced because of this. GirlA is engaged with GirlB. GirlC demanded GirlA to be with her and won. But GirlC never really trust GirlA when GirlA betrayed GirlB. Eventually GirlA and C are divorced.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

don't start the relationship if they have trust issues.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

So what you are saying is, you've been traumatized by high emotional maintenance women and now you want them to cater to your own boundary... Seems a bit hypocritical if you ask me.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

No I haven't been traumatized. Not wanting me to hang out with friends because of a girls past relationship doesn't make her "high maintenance".

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Did you missed the word emotional? Those women require a higher than usual emotional maintenance, you don't want to do that because that's a boundary that you have set for yourself after meeting many woman that required an emotional support. So... How does it contradict what I just wrote?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I don't see wanting ur bf/gf to be around friends of the opposite makes someone high maintenance. It's simply unfair and ridiculous. I know to many women that kinda boundary makes them feel like their high maintenance but it's a lie. It's just insecurities

by Anonymous 1 year ago

No it makes them nuts.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Don't be in a relationship then🤷‍♂️. If you don't ever want to reassure your partner for any reason don't date. And boundaries aren't because people are insecure for the most part it's about respecting your partner, but it doesn't sound like you do that.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I'll reassure my partner if I've done something to make them insecure. Not if their ex did something to make them insecure

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Is not anyone's job, but yours, to make you secure at all, may I add.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

super popular!

by Anonymous 1 year ago