+142 When you're consoling someone, don't tell them someone has it worse, amirite?

by Anonymous 11 months ago

This is one of the things I most despise because it completely invalidates how someone is feeling and it doesn't solve anything. If anything it makes them feel worse. Respectfully though, I'd be surprised if this is actually an unpopular opinion. I'd think the complete opposite is (thinking it's okay or fine to say "someone has it worse").

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You'd be surprised on how many people I ran into that still feel the need to point out that someone has it worse. And then all of a sudden, I'm cruel and rude if I point out the fact that just because others are suffering doesn't make my suffering invalid.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I have amazing parents but they would always do this and it would drive me insane. Any time I was upset about something I was always told "there are kids in Africa who have it far worse." I mean, of course but that doesn't invalidate my feelings either. If someone is upset, even about something seemingly little in the grand scheme of things, they're still allowed to have those feelings. Trauma Olympics are stupid.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

That's the kind of thing narcissistic parents say. They don't care about you or your emotions and want to shut down acknowledging you and your feelings as quickly as possible. And they make you feel guilty and ungrateful to boot! It's really insidious.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I don't believe they were being insidious. Some who say that will be narcissistic, sure, but not all and my parents are lovely people. I think they were just repeating what they were told as kids, which doesn't make it right but I know they weren't trying to hurt me. Parents aren't perfect and make mistakes.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Fair enough. Tone and stuff is important too.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

my parents have similar kind of response when i try to ask for help, they act like adults can never ask for help so when i do they say "well we won't be here forever to help you" then i can ask who is there to help me, it's weird to me they have this issue with me asking someone to help me, all because i could be alone one day.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Just remember logically, if you cannot be upset because someone has it worse, then you also cannot be happy because someone has it better.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

it's whataboutism, a typical intentional fallacy

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Suffering is relative. People who have experienced a lot tend to feel less when it comes to smaller hardships. It's a matter of acclimation. It's sort of like defining what a "big mountain" is. If you ask someone whose whole life has been on a plain, almost any large hill will seem like a "big mountain." And then you ask sherpas who live in the shadow of Everest and they will have a different response.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Anyone who ever heard this was dealing with narcissists.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Can you explain?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Seneca said we should all wake up and go over all the things that could go wrong in our day so that we won't be disappointed or angry about something going against us. I think that is the idea of mentioning that someone has it worse. There are people that get angry or disappointed by things in life. This comes about because people are being too superficially optimistic. If they had much lower expectations they would be neither angry nor disappointed. Keeping life in perspective is one of the toughest things we can do. We might have it in perspective in one sense but there are many ways to keep it in perspective and I think that is why people say things could be worse... to lighten the significance of the event. Let's face it, if someone says that to someone they must think they don't have life in perspective and they are trying to help.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

True. There is akways someone who has it worse, but that doesn't make me feel better.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Noted. 😭 I'll admit, idk how to console people. I just hug them and tell them it's ok….but sometimes, I'll say "oh well it could be worse, right??" I feel so bad now. I wouldn't like it if someone said that to me…

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Lol don't know how to console people either, I would just recommend that you just listen to their problems, and they say something like 'sorry you're going through that, I hope that things get better for you', that usually works on people. People also get really annoyed if you constantly try to give them advice, so keep that in mind.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I can't give advice either so I got that down 😂 but thank you. That's much better.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This isn't an unpopular opinion.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

i never say this. i empathize instead.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This is a command, not an opinion.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Duh, that's being dismissive rather than empathetic.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Your suck doesn't make my suck suck less.

by Anonymous 1 year ago