"Who invites pays" is a hypocritical reason to get out of paying for your meal, amirite?

It also only alpplies for dates. No one expects to have their meals payed for if you go out with friends, no matter who invites whom. And also only for heterosexual dates. I don't expect my partners to pay for me, and they don't expect it from me eighter.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I'm in a hetero relationship and it's always been my belief that if I don't treat a potential partner first like a friend, there won't be much of a relationship to build on. Assuming they'll just pay for me, or them even insisting they pay for everything because I'm a girl, hurts me to my core. I want to be seen as an equal and have validity in all my relationships, especially the romantic ones.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Being straight must be exhausting. I'm gay, and it's a given that the bill will be split.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

So doesn't matter who does the invite? That's awesome.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Being Gay must be exhausting. if it's a given that the bill will be split... so much for romance

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Lol... I wouldn't call paying someone's restaurant bill romantic.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

no neither would i. i would call it "expected" if you are ASKING someone out on a date.... i tell you what ISN'T romantic though... asking someone out on a first date, then asking them to split the bill at the end. lol (if you can't afford dinner for two. you are probably too young to be dating anyway)

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yeah "who invites pays" is just "men pay" but worded nicer.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

My husband and I literally did this. He asked me out, he paid. Second date I asked him and I paid. We took turns our entire dating relationship. I enjoy spoiling people rotten and so does he. So we spoiled each other 🥰 tomorrow is our 20th wedding anniversary~~ love him more than ever! For my gift he's taking me to disneyworld. For his gift I'm taking him on a cruise. And then later in the year we're taking each other to Vegas lol

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Nope its, "who invites pays". You decide where the date is (including how expensive it is) you pay!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I get your frustration but as a woman who continuesly triet to go 50/50 or pay, I can tell you that I have bad experiences with absolutly everything - insisting on going 50/50 - treating the man - letting the man pay I KNOW that you or any other indiviual guy are not at fault for this at ALL. But especially regarding frist dates, we (women) don't know you. And as there so many (male and female) aholes walking around dating is hell- for everyone. I truely believe that there women who treat men as free meal providers. But wanting a free meal is honestly not the only reason I would assume/let a man pay. I'm in a long term commited relationship now for 3+ years but I did date before that.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I insist if I make more money or am significantly older or someone comes to visit me or if it's faster to get out of there.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I think it's important to communicate about who's paying before the date. That way there's no confusion or awkwardness later on.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You sound pretty young. Pretending like "Hey, who's paying?" isn't going to be awkward. If you're a man, you're expected to pay -- or you could always try to "figure it out" beforehand and end up being the clown of her GC later that night.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Who invites pays is logical to me. I don't see any issue. It can go for more than romantic encounters. It is like when parents of one kid ask another to do something. Each parent could pay for their own kid, but it is customary for the invitee to pay.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

If it is a real inviation "I invite you on a dinner date and ill pay" and not "lets go on a date" you are right. If I ask some friends to go to the cinema it is not an invitation and I should not be expected to pay for everyone there. Same with dates.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Dates I think you should pay or don't offer. You can always find low cost options if you can't afford it.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

"I think" is not an argument. It is only an opinion without any validity behind it. What is your logic behind your opinion? Why should a man/ woman pay for your cinema when you don't pay for your friends cinema? If you ask your friends "you want to come with me to the club?" are you willing and expected to pay for said friends drinks?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Do you have the same relationship with the person you are dating as your friends? Do you expect a romantic relationship with your friend?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

No, the realtionsjip with my friends, many of wich I know for 20+ years, is far better than the relationship with a girl, I have never met before. And I don't even pay for their meals, when we eat sushi on the weekends, because they are decent human beings and don't expect me to pay.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Well what do I know? I have just been happily married for over 20 years. 😀

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Well, after 20 years it is okay to pay for your wife, but not after 60 minutes you met someone, who is NOT your wife (yet). I suppose youre older? Do you even know how dating is these days since dating apps exist?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

That is a bad take. You are talking about dating someone who could be a life mate. If you are petty about meals now they will likely just walk away. You just might need to stay single.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

If she dates people because of free meals, she is just an escort. You invest, after people/ assets have proven their worth. Not before.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Bad take. Don't ask her out if you don't want to pay for it.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Why not? Expain yourself.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

No i know my friends much better and care about them much more than someone im dating but if one of them said "lets go out for dinner tomorrow night" there is no way id expect them to pay

by Anonymous 1 year ago

That's because it is a completely different relationship. You are asking someone you don't really know to go out to get to know them. The least you can do is pay. If you don't want to pay then don't be surprised if you get turned down. You are trying to find the love of your life. Stretch a little.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You have double standards, isn't the woman also trying to find the love of her life, why the doesn't she pay? I'm a woman and truly believe each person should pay their share unless said otherwise beforehand. Not every guy will want to pay for everything on a date as that a very valid opinion nowadays and I hope that's where we are headed.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

If she asks she should pay. Where is the double standard?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It's literally only a custom in dating, specifically to reinforce the "Men pay" rule.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

My husband and I took turns ❤️ I love spoiling him 🥰

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I am saying who asks, pays. So how does that figure in too your assessment? I am not favoring a sex.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

OP explained this, men ask WAY more than women.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Op is one person. I'm also one person. I'm a woman, I believe in "the inviter pays for the invitee" and I've paid for many a date.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

>Op is one person. I'm also one person. So?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

OP is a sample size of one claiming this is a man problem. I'm a sample size of one saying it's not. I believe that if you want someone to join you for something that costs money, it's polite to offer to pay for them. I've paid for many dates and i don't resent it one bit. If I want a date I'm going to offer to pay. It's just basic etiquette to me.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Just to clarify, you're suggesting that women ask out men to the same degree that men ask out women?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

And? Doesn't change my position.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

>And? Lmao, you literally asked. >So how does that figure in too your assessment?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

How does "men ask more" mean squat? If they don't want to pay. Don't ask. It is pretty simple. You could also say, "i would like to go to wherever. Would you like to go? I can't cover the cost but I would like your company." Is that so hard?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yes. Men saying "Hey, would love to go out sometime but I can't pay for you" -- that is going to attract every woman for miles. Some of you really are pretty socially inept.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

"Who invites pays" is a form of gender discrimination if men and women are held to different expectations of inviting people on dates. And they absolutely are.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

the lengths people go to justify freeloading is pathetic

by Anonymous 1 year ago

"The inviter pays for the invitee" is my policy and I'm a woman who pays for outings...

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Women really be trying hard to get out of paying for themselves, lmao.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Reminds me of a stand-up I saw. Dude was like "you aren't traditional, you're selectively traditional when it benefits YOU." Then he raises his hand in a slapping motion and says "See! I'm traditional too!" I dig it. Painting with a broad brush, I know. But a lot of women want guys to make the first move in asking them out and they also believe that whoever invites should pay...yet they are Slay Queenz that can pay for themselves...so they should just come out and say that they think men should pay on the first date.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It's not hypocritical. Just invite for a coffee first, and if she's interested you know she's worth investing more. So first coffee date, you pay (cause you invite). If she reciprocates, like invite you for ice cream, whatever, you can move forward. It doesn't matter if it's date, business lunch or whatver. If you invite, you pay, no matter the gender.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

>It doesn't matter if it's date, business lunch or whatver. If you invite, you pay, no matter the gender. It absolutely does, though. I've never seen this custom among friends.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I mean I always offer to pay if I'm with friends but they're cool so they pay for themselves even if I invite them out. If paying for a meal is that hard for someone they shouldn't be trying to get into a relationship. Netflix and chill or get a job and date.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

If you ask someone out on a date, the cost is on you. If you ask someone to "hang out" then that means dutch...or maybe that's just me.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Idk it's an interesting discussion and I don't really know what the correct answer is but I'll provide a counterargument: When you invite your friends over to your place, cook for em, host a party, whatever, you don't send them a bill after, so why is it different when inviting someone out to a restaurant?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

"who invites pays" is only one method of determining who pays at a meal. you can make whatever arrangement you want with your date. i've been on dates where we've split it before. i've had dates buy me drinks before.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

"Who invites pays" isn't a hypocritical reason to get out of paying for a meal. It's more along the lines of a traditional unspoken rule when it comes to inviting someone out. It's also not exclusive to romantic dates. As a woman, I'm not sure why a man paying for a date "conflicts with everything else I stand for". I think you're confusing women wanting equality to women not wanting to be treated as women.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

"Traditions are only good when they benefit me".

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You're allowed to hold whatever outlook you want, even if it's silly.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I think you confuse the women who fought for equality in the early half of 1900's with the 'pick and choose when women should be equal and when we should be frail poor beings' "feminism" of today.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

That's 100% a you problem. Ive been invited by women to go to breakfast few times (usually after sex) and they pay.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

So you have sex for pay? Nice

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Let's not act like just because you've been invited out by women that it is the norm or even close to being common.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

.... its a joke

by Anonymous 1 year ago

No, I would go with this logic and it has nothing to do with "being treated like a girl". Whoever invites should pay, because they're the ones determining what type of date/where it is. That means they control the cost. Not really fair for someone to invite someone to a place that could cost more than the other is willing or able to pay.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

How often do you ask guys for a date first? This logic can work if ratio of women/guys asking out on a date first is 50/50. Otherwise it's just trying to rationalise why should guy pay for date without it being sexist. Also there is an option of putting your input in a date. Like saying, sorry that place is out of my budget, I would rather do something else etc.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

The role of the man being the pursuer or initiator has been around for longer than I have been alive. The ratio of men and women asking each other out isn't going to change over night. This is anecdotal but I have known many women who will ask out a man and pay for the first date, especially when they are around my age or younger. It is shifting but it takes time.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

But I wanna judge people NOW

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I don't date, I'm married. And not sure I ever went on a "date" in my life. But we took turns paying, for the most part, with him paying more often simply because he made a lot more than I did (I was a student working part time for minimum wage, he had a full time job making decent money) and he was the one who wanted to go eat. I'd say I didn't have the money, he said he'd pay so we could go. It isn't a way to make a guy pay. The asker should pay. Guys asking more is irrelevant. I'd feel the same if girls generally asked first. Because that is logical. Do you only go on one date? I've got friends that actually do date, and I can't think of any that tend to have one date with anyone.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I don't disagree with you, but I also think that everyone needs to view a first date as a time and money investment. Straight men have had all of the power for a long time, and now they've (arguably) lost a little bit of it, and as a consequence it feels 'unfair' that they are paying for the first date. I personally prefer when a woman offers to pay on the first date, but I don't expect it, and I don't write them off it they don't offer.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Well yeah, I think that some people just really suck at life and they can't hide it. So at least you can weed some of them out that way. I am more traditional and if I were single, and asked "to be taken to dinner" I would kinda assume he would pay. But if we were just meeting for drinks or appetizers it's a little less formal and I'd assume I'm paying for my own. On the contrary I don't have any experience here but I don't think you'll get very far dating online if you are finicky about small details here and there.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

In my opinion most people that say "more traditional" just cherry pick the advantages and don't care about the disadvantages of tradition. For example marry before 25, stay virgin, no career, no drugs, no parties.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It's common sense, you're inviting them, if you don't want to pay just tell them, communication is key. Also if you aren't paying then you should discuss where to eat before choosing, so they can choose something withing their budget

by Anonymous 1 year ago

As I said I do not have problems with paying. I dislike when people lie to themselves and the others.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

On the first date you pay. If you are struggling financially, you could invite her for coffee/dessert at a nice place. I did that once. The place was so much better than a special at Applebees, she was impressed. I dressed well and put effort into my appearance.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I feel like cleavage is the only legitimate reason to get out of paying for your meal.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

100% it's a cop out from women

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I agree as a woman. Only reason I prefer men paying for my meal is because I enjoy being treated like a woman. I also enjoy treating my partner as a man. There is absolutely nothing wrong with splitting and wanting completely equal relationship. There is also nothing wrong with wanting to follow traditional roles. Everyone has just different preferences.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

To be fair, I do think if you ask somebody out on a date then you are implying that you'll pay, but you are also the one who chooses the venue. That said, when you get the bill I think it's very revealing how the other person reacts - I'd expect them to at least offer to go halves. Of course, they don't have to do that, and I'm happy to pay anyway, but the gesture says a lot about the other person.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It honestly makes a lot of sense to me. If I'm the one asking someone to go out I'm probably choosing the place and if it's a particularly expensive resteraunt or activity it can be unfair to ask someone else to pay when you have no idea what their financial situation is. My ex and I would go by that rule even when we lived together. If one of us invited the other to go out somehwere whoever asked was prepared to pay unless we talked about it ahead of time. I think everyone should be prepared to pay for themselves in a date regardless of the genders involved and unless it was already decided beforehand you shouldn't expect the other person to pay. On a side note, don't project what you think someone's reasoning is on to other people. You have no idea why people think the way they do and by saying it's just because of "x" you are not only generalizing everyone but you're closing yourself off to ever learning the real reasons behind things because you think you've already figured it out yourself. Don't assume you know what other people are thinking because more often than not you have no idea.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

the etiquette is whoever invites is the one who pays. if you don't want to pay. then don't invite. wait until a girl ask you out (tbf, you might be waiting for a long time) then she can pay. However, this argument is a terrible one. If you don't want to pay, don't invite. also men now just do coffee dates, its $5. if you can't afford $5, you can't afford to date.

by Anonymous 1 year ago