After being a bartender for years, bachelor parties disgust me. amirite?

Bachelor parties can take many forms. The version that decides to hold the event at a bar, for the purposes of getting wasted and chasing random women? Agreed - you aren't going to see well-behaved men there.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Definitely selection bias happening here

by Anonymous 1 year ago

She doesn't remember the bachelor parties where they showed up, had some drinks, played some pool, and left.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

But also, think those tend to be separate types of places. There are bars that have more of a club like vibe, where things OP is describing happen a lot. There are bars that are more chill with low music and pool tables where what you're describing happens more often. She seems to work at the first type of place.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Good point! So also availability bias, then.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Selection bias plus salience bias?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I've been married for 22 years. Way back when my bachelor party was playing basketball at a park with my friends, full five on five, and then eating pizza. That was a fun afternoon.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

My bachelor party is planned to be my friends and myself forging a sword that I'll present to my wife. We'll do the work, but an experienced blacksmith will be guiding us through the process.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Okay, King Arthur

by Anonymous 1 year ago

She collects swords and knives. Plus, the effort in hand forging something implies dedication, which is fitting for a marriage.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Look, strange men distributin' swords is no basis for nuptials!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I am a knifemaker, man, I hope you dont plan much progress to be made if you afe only doing one ~6 hour session! Forging the rough blank might be something you can do in that little time, but doing the handle, grinding, fittings, heat treat, glueing, that will take far, far longer

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I am deeply envious. I may mention this to the bf.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

As a woman who forged her wedding band with her husband (rings from the same damascus steel billet!) i didnt know i needed a custom sword he forged to give to me, but now i do!!!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I did a keg and a bushel of crabs with friends at a house along a river. Interestingly a bachelorette party ended up next door in this tiny rural town but other than hanging out with then for a bit, just chatting and then they went back to do their own thing, it was just low key fun.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Maybe working in the bar only shows you one type of bachelor parties? Like i didn't have a bachelor party at all and now my long time friends bachelor part is going to be in the forest with grilling, sauna, fishing and actually no women at all. Same for another work mates bachelor party, though that's just slightly further away.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Definitely some bias here

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I like how she starts out "All men are pigs except MY man"

by Anonymous 1 year ago

She also works at the most popular bar in Chicago I suppose. Ten bachelor parties a week, all with a dozen dudes? That's... a lot.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Nah. I've found that when one sounds like they're generalizing, they're actually just projecting a very specific and personal issue. Her man is probably exactly what she's complaining about, it's just that he's not done a bachelor party yet.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

The other bias is that she is less likely to get hit on by the ladies at a hen do. Stagettes get pretty gross too I've dealt with some pretty gross women at gigs who were clearly on one. I don't go around thinking all women are gropey drunks wearing penis hats.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This is 100% it. For my bachelor party, we went go-karting, went out for steak, and ended at an arcade. The arcade had a bar, but it wasn't somewhere people went to get women. Honestly the notion of going to a bar to get women just seems strange to me

by Anonymous 1 year ago

OOP is complaining about the food in her local supermarket without ever leaving the frozen section.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

"I work at a children's birthday venue, and I'm certain that all birthday parties are very immature."

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I went a day skiing for my bachelor party. It doesn't have to be about getting drunk and go to strippers. That's so cliché

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yep, went to a cabin by a lake, drinks, steaks and a campfire.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

And a godsmacking throng of hookers, yeah?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Don't forget the blackjack.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I went to cabin by a lake as well, played a round of golf with about 10 of buddies during the day and then went back to the cabin and played poker. It was almost a perfect bachelor party except I wish my fiancée had been there lol.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I'm a girl but I went to Disneyland for my bachelorette. I guess I still saw Chip n Dale. 🤷🏼‍♀️

by Anonymous 1 year ago

What she fails to mention is that she is now banned after sexually assaulting Gaston.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Well, better assault Gason before he assaults you

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I was at a bachelor party a while ago, and while there was some drinking (nobody got totally hammered), most of our fun came from the Mario Kart/Smash Bros marathon we had.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Went canoeing down the river for 5 hrs, got drunk, cooked brats and fish over a fire and camped out. I guess my one buddy did pass out on my tailgate… that was pretty scandalous I guess.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

my bachelor party was just the guys playing video games in the same room, no girls involved haha

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You sluts! That's pretty sexy though wish I were there

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I wish this was my bachelor party too, haha! Unfortunately, my brother planned it and it was just a trip to his favorite restaurant. Thanks "Best Man!" I had to literally BEG him not to hire a stripper for the after-party, and I can tell he and his buddies were disappointed, but I literally never went to a strip club in my life. How would hiring a stripper be reliving my bachelor days?!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Honestly marrying someone who has a bachelor OR bachelorette party where they treat it like their 'last night of freedom' is not the type of person who should be getting married at all

by Anonymous 1 year ago

there are so many people who just .marry "for the weddings", they want to have their magical day, it' not about love it's about them and their huge egos.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yeah I'm going to a bachelor party tomorrow and we're going fishing at a lake and drinking beer all day.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

A different type of hooker… or just master baiters

by Anonymous 1 year ago

They don't have to be. For mine we went to dinner and a comedy club. Nothing untoward, just a bunch of friends celebrating. My brother's we went golfing, had a good lunch at the grill, shots at a bar in a toast and then hung out at an arcade. Again, a party of friends.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

There are so many bartenders who also say the same about bachelorette parties, so it's not really a gendered thing. It's just that whole party idea in itself that is sort of sketchy. I love the idea of hanging out with your pals for one big party before getting married because generally you don't get a lot of opportunities after, as a lot of people change priorities or have kids or move on to career focused lives. But yeah, sometimes they get out of control and it gets weird lol.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I worked at a bar that had bachelor and bachelorette parties come in semi-frequently. The bachelorette parties were way worse. They are louder, they disturb the rest of the customers way more, they leave a bunch of penis shaped trash behind, if you have a DJ they will harass them all night to try and get their favorite songs played, and they always sexually assault the male staff and/or customers.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yes, backing this up. They would sexually assault me and any other male they deemed interesting enough to do so to. What goes in with Bachelorette parties would get men thrown into prison.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I once overheard a conversation in a Tesco between a hen party. The bride was guessing at where they were going/what they would be doing. She at one point guessed a strip club and said (paraphrasing) "I hope they have black ones too, do you think they'll let me get a two for one if I mix and match skin colour? I've always wanted to do a roast and I'm scared Mark wont let it happen once we're married.". I don't even think they'd been drinking yet, this was 11am and they were doing the supply run for pre-drinks.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Funny you say this cuz this was my experience as well. I always wondered if others felt the same way about bachelorette parties.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yeah, I wonder what's the angle here from OP's message ? Men are pigs ? But she clearly des robes girls going to the bathroom with them, happily participating to the grinding, so I guess everybody had what they expected ?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yeah. I've heard some horror stories involving bachelorette parties. Yikes.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

We went to a water park, a haunted house, and stayed in a cabin and played old Atari games for a bachelor party recently. We were drunk but it was just us guys having a blast. Never been to a bachelor party where the groom was in anyway cheating emotionally or physically.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

One I time my uncle, who was a bartender for a long time, took me to this place he wanted to try when I went and visited him. As soon as we entered, we heard a loud, female "WOOOOO" and saw a bunch of women in the back. My uncle turned to me, and said let's get the hell out of here. I asked him later why would we leave, it's just a Bachelorette party; he said he will never deal with another one now that he isn't a bartender, and proceeded to tell me stories of parties that made the ones you see in media look like tea parties. It's horrifying what Bachelor and Bachelorette parties can become

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Share some stories wih us

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yes

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I (best man) booked a cabin on a lake for my boy and his wedding party so we could chill by the water and have a golf trip at some near by golf courses. Stayed at the cabin at night and played pool and beer pong. Great times!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

The most common (and pathetic) one I hear is "I didn't have a choice" when guys are grovelling to their wives when they inevitably find out they been to a strip club. As in, all the guys were doing it so they HAD to. Another common one is "sorry babe I couldn't tell you me and the lads went to a strip club - it would jeopardise my friends relationship if his wife found out and we couldn't risk you telling her"

by Anonymous 1 year ago

The best bachelor party I ever took part in was for a friend who described himself as "an old man in a young man's body." We got breakfast at a cafe, drank beer and played boule in the park, went to a bingo hall, went swimming at a local pool and rented a private sauna (with bartender), then went home and cooked some good food. I really don't understand the allure of the stereotypical bachelor party.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It's not that bachelor's parties are gross. It's the kind of guys who go celebrate them at clubs like this are gross. You're seeing a very specific repeat demographic in your line of work and that's reinforcing a negative perception in your mind. I've been to many and they're usually just a retreat to go celebrate the groom. The best are activity based (hiking, fishing, etc.)

by Anonymous 1 year ago

At my brothers bachelor party we played a board game for 12 hours.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I think you're biased due to your profession. That's the only side of this that you see. Working at a bar is one of the places you get to see the worst in people.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

What? You are more likely to see drunk people doing stupid things in a bar? I'm shocked! Shocked I tell you!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Judging bachelor parties by the one that happen at bars has a huge selection bias.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I've never heard of them like this in any kind of widespread way, maybe it's the type of bar you work in that attracts those types of guys?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I could definitely understand that, but the bar I work for is an irish pub that really is a doubles as a family restaurant during the day. This isn't a club and doesn't even have a dance floor. I live in the midwest, it's not even a major city location. Our crowd can be all ages from 21-80. Our bartenders wear collared shirts and black slacks. Not really a bar id typically expect to promote sex appeal. Still, out of everyone at the bar enjoying a bear or shot, the bachelors are kind of the only ones using our bar as their playground for the weekend.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

>bar enjoying a bear This doesn't sound like your average bar at all

by Anonymous 1 year ago

> the bachelors are kind of the only ones using our bar as their playground for the weekend Except for, you know, all of the women that are supposedly eagerly hooking up with them.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Any guys going to places that double as a family restaurant for a big night is already a red flag

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Only one I've ever been to was laser tag followed by drinking card games at best man's place, no women anywhere after the pizza place

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Zero of the bachelor parties I've attended have been anything like this. Golf, dinner, camping, yeah booze for sure, but they've all been respectful to the bride and the attendees spouses and relationships.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I've never understood this either. If I'm marrying someone, why would I want to go out and do anything that would hurt her if she was to see or hear about it? For my bachelor party, it was German food, followed by a tiki bar, followed by a dive bar, followed by a nicer bar across the street. Just guys talking , drinking, and laughing. And it was really fun.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Awaiting OP's opinion on bachelorette parties, which can be just as raunchy. It's exclusion is noticeable.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I've seen a lot of men in bachelor parties relentlessly pursue the female staff and women in bachelorette parties do the same to the male staff. If OP is a woman, she might just be seeing more of the male side of things.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This is a kind of confirmation bias though, no? If you work at a bar, then yeah you're only going to see the type of guys that want to have those types of bachelor parties. You're not the seeing the rest of them. Just getting a large sample of what, I'd assume, is a minority of the types of parties actually held.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

After bartending many bachelorette parties, I could say the same about you girls

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I'm sure it happens but I've been to three bachelor parties not one ended up with guys hitting on women constantly or ending up at a strip club, just steaks and lots of drinks

by Anonymous 1 year ago

yeah I never got the concept either. If you'll miss this so much then don't marry?? I just wanna spend a good day drinking with my buddies, no creeping

by Anonymous 1 year ago

That's funny. The Bachelorette parties I've seen are usually much roudier than Bahcelor parties because they are women and they can get away with it.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Stripped at a bachelorette party once. NEVER AGAIN NO CHANCE IN HELL!!!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You work in an Irish pub; a bar, and probably not the greatest bar in town.  I don't think your perception is exactly representative of the whole.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

My idea of a bachelor party is just ordering pizza and gaming with the boys

by Anonymous 1 year ago

As someone who worked in bars and nightclubs, I can easily tell you that bacholerette/hen parties are just as bad if not worse

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I have a friend who used to work at bachelorette parties and he would say the same things , pretty strange concept that seems to just be widely accepted as normal

by Anonymous 1 year ago

> why is this event seen as a "hall-pass"? For the tiny percentage who do see it this way, it might be the influence of movies and TV... and those who see it outside the context of the plot of those, where usually there are consequences.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

For my bachelor party, we went to see a showing of "The Decline of Western Civilization" with Penelope Spheeris doing a Q&A. I got to meet her and she kissed me on the cheek. (I told my wife about it) Then we got drunk at my buddy's house. You can have a bachelor party without being a PoS.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

yeah this is a weird tradition. i want to believe it's dying out but it sounds like a pain to deal with.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I'm currently at a Bach party right now. Not a single one of us has talked to any girls. I've seen all of us at one point face-timing their SO though drunkenly saying now they miss them.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

For my bachelor party my best man rented out a movie theater so we could play Super Smash Bros for 2 hours, got me some good Cajun food, and ran a D&D one-shot. There was barely any alcohol involved at all, in part because I had to be good to work the next morning. To me, going out and getting drunk just seems like a waste of a perfectly good night with friends

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I don't get it either, and why is everything penis themed in bachelorette parties?? Is it like a fertility thing, like throwing rice? Or is it from the days where people were not supposed to sleep with each other before marriage?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I was at a bachelorette party in Vegas at a karaoke bar. We were next to a bachelor party and the two groups mixed. This one married guy and I basically sat and watched as our friends lost their minds. It was insane and no one would listen or think for 5 seconds.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Have you seen Bachelorette parties? They can be just as bad and worse.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I can restore your faith in men a bit. My bachelor party was at a bowling alley. We ate wings, drank a couple of beers, and had fun. And my dad was my best man. We were home by 10pm.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

My older brother is incredibly socially awkward and doesn't have many friends. For his bachelor party we played Super Smash Bros, went out for authentic Mexican food, and saw Dave Chappelle perform live. A great day!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

As a guy I can't stand being around bachelorette parties. But OP has to make it a gender thing

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Not just bachelor parties, bachelorette parties too (I too did bar work while getting my degree). Basically, scumbaggery comes in all shapes and sizes, it's not just the men. Not only that, but it's the setting. Men and women having a bachelor party at a bar are or incl strippers are going to have questionable intentions. My last bachelor party was an all dudes day out at a gun range with drinking at our Airbnb after.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Wait until you hear about Bachelorette parties…

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Most bachelor parties are not a bunch of guys going to bars and enacting their teen movie fantasies. That's what you see because ^(checks notes) *you work at a bar.* You would think that working at a bar and living in the real world would teach you the difference between idiots in a bar and behavior in the rest of the world, but nope, apparently not.

by Anonymous 1 year ago