+168 It should be socially acceptable for a child or teen to talk back to an adult. amirite?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It's even worse if they make you do the guessing game/start getting mad at you just because they're already mad. Parent: *argue argue* Child: *silent* Parent: WHY ARENT YOU RESPONDING? IS THIS A JOKE TO YOU Child: I- Parent: No talking back!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

ahhh the old double bind lmao

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I seen mom and dad in a double bind once.......life never was quite the same after that 🥴

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This example you just gave is very true. When a parent asks a question during an argument, it is actually a rhetorical question, so the child can't speak.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Until they go "... well!?" And promt a response, and then get mad at whatever response you give, because you gave one.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Y'all giving me some fun flash backs lol

by Anonymous 1 year ago

🤣

by Anonymous 1 year ago

"Why did you do this?? WHY?? ANSWER ME CHILD!!!" Child: "Well, I...." Parent (or teacher): "DONT YOU TALK BACK TO ME!!!!!" Child: ??????

by Anonymous 1 year ago

my dad:

by Anonymous 1 year ago

My mom:

by Anonymous 1 year ago

My mom too

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I also choose this guy's mom... wait

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This seems familiar...

by Anonymous 1 year ago

My dad did the same thing and was solely responsible for me going to speech therapy at 8 years old bc I developed a stutter.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yikes! That sounds horrible.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Every parent secretly gets revenge on their kids. Often times they don't even know they do it. The biggest bullies most people ever deal with in life is their own parents. The one bully they can't fight back from.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You can, it's just when they are old and need a place to stay... Sorry old man... You get the nursing home. You get what you get and you don't get upset!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Ya except nursing homes are expensive so it sucks

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It's also wild when you're an adult and your parent pulls it on you

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Having football flashbacks. Coach: why did you do X? Me: well , I Coach: I don't wanna hear your bs excuses!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This never flew with me. It got loud and ugly very fast whenever mom was in a mood. In all fairness to her, it didn't happen quite that much if I hadn't just been an idiot, but still.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Wow 😳 that should have had a trigger warning 😞

by Anonymous 1 year ago

As a 25 year old, I think letting your kids talk back (within reason) is good preparation for adulthood, most specifically the workplace. It'll make it easier to stand up for themselves when they have to deal with a crappy employer who doesn't give half a damn about them.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I struggle with this at work now because of the sheer terror of upsetting my authoritative parents in childhood and I hate it, I don't know if I'll ever get over it

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Dude that's what i realised 2 years ago and it's been a bitch trying to learn to stand up for myself and trying to erase the stigma of always feeling im the one in the wrong even when im clearly not.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I completely agree! Being a people pleaser and afraid of conflict sucks. Having a healthy relationship with being able to talk to your parents and stand up for yourself will help you be better in the workplace and in all your adult life

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This is one thing that my current boss has told me, time and time again, that he likes about me. I'm not afraid to tell my boss "no". I'm not afraid to tell him when he's wrong, and then explain why he's wrong. I will tell him when something that we're doing doesn't make sense. Part of this comes from the fact that I was allowed to talk to my parents this way, as well. As you said, within reason. I was allowed to have a conversation with my parents, instead of simply being talked at. Because I grew up being able to have a conversation with my parents about things that they were doing wrong, I'm able to have that same conversation with other authority figures in my adult life.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

i mean that's just a healthy discussion. i always took the phrase "talking back" to mean arguing or getting snippy for the sake of arguing or being defiant. never associated it with someone actually stating their case. like, to me, talking back is: "can you please load the dishwasher" "I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE"

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I firmly believe that it should be socially acceptable for adolescents to talk to their parents the way their parents talk to them. ie. if a parent has an attitude for no reason then it should be acceptable for a child to have an attitude back.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Most do! They become what we teach them to become and this is most of the times catastrophic. We are assholes.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I put my mother in her place when I was 16 by showing her a knife and telling her the next punch would be either my last or her last. We got on fine after that.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Expressing displeasure in a respectful way is fine. Respectful being not yelling, not resorting to a sarcastic retort, and not speaking with an attitude. You want to have a discussion with an adult, show that you can have a discussion. Not a hissy fit. You might not get your way, but you'll at least have gotten your say.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

"Back talk" when I was a kid was just when I was being sassy or a smart ass in my response. It wasn't because of a natural response. OP definitely sounds like they had a bit of an oppressive household and doesn't really sound normal to me...idk.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

>Not a hissy fit. Parents take any kind of talking back as a hissy fit. They take disagreements as a hissy fit. It really depends what you define as a hissy fit. Also you show here that parents are allowed to yell or be abusive to their kids..

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I've never understood what people mean by "talk back". Do they not want their kids to talk to them at all? Do they mean being rude? Why don't they say that? Idk. Anyway I don't like adults, it's a shame I am one now.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Generally speaking, that refers to being rude or obstinate. If your parent tells you to go clean your room and you reply by telling them where they can shove the vacuum, that's "talking back".

by Anonymous 1 year ago

In my experience, talking back was challenging anything an adult said, even if you had the factual and logical advantage. I dealt with that all of the time, being a "gifted" kid in 80s and 90s inner city schools that weren't getting the...best talent to teach, for instance.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

i got called a smart aleck a lot when i wasn't trying to be one.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Or „oh, you should become a lawyer with all these arguments". The arguments in question were just facts

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Oh same here! Any time I presented facts and simple logic I was told "nobody likes a know-it-all, I'm surprised you have any friends"

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It was labeled as disrespectful to 'talk back' to your parents. lol.. my mom still hate facts.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I don't think so, based on what my friend's parents used to punish them for as "backtalk". I think the OP is more accurate.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Not trying to spam you but this is what someone else said and I think it's a better explanation than the one I gave. "Expressing displeasure in a respectful way is fine. Respectful being not yelling, not resorting to a sarcastic retort, and not speaking with an attitude. You want to have a discussion with an adult, show that you can have a discussion. Not a hissy fit. You might not get your way, but you'll at least have gotten your say." And OP replied that they had a very different definition of talking back because of the way their parents used it, so even OP now know that their definition isn't an accurate one

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This person is more accurate than the OP, talking back is more so referring to being rude. Most parents don't go by that definition and consider everything talking back, just like what OP experienced. But talking back is really just being rude and/or having smart Alek remarks to your parents. Like this person's example (although I think there response was more disrespect and just back talk), your parents telling you to clean your room and you reply with something like, why don't you clean it for me or how about you clean it or something like that. That's talking back

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I've always been told that talking back was responding in any other way than "Yes ma'am, No ma'am, Yes sir, etc.", that replying in any other manner to a person older than you was "talking back" and that it didn't matter your tone, it just mattered that you said anything more than those two words.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yeah that's BS, anyone with an ego like that needs to cram it. Kids are humans, if you treat them like crap they'll treat you like that when you're old.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I can't imagine a family functioning like this. I think your parents are just weird. I would never want my kids to grow up not knowing how to express themselves and form their own opinions.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

My parents are like this but I always held my ground and stood up for myself when needed. I remember this one time my mom made a joke and I repeated that same joke back at her and she got mad at me. She claimed that she was allowed to make that joke but I wasn't since it was disrespectful. So I told her, "if you feel offended by that joke, why would you make that same joke towards me, are you insulting me?" She didn't have any good rebuttal other than anything I'm the adult

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Ahhh, the classical "do as I say, not as I do" parent 🤡

by Anonymous 1 year ago

If we expect people to grow up and be able to confidently communicate and express themselves, then we need to encourage them as kids and teens to learn how to do that. There are good ways to object and raise counter arguments and if someone disagrees with a parent, then the parent needs to be prepared to negotiate and discuss. If there is a rush, then the child should know from experience to trust the parent in the moment and discuss it later, but that is based on a prior history of the parent behaving that way. A parent who always shuts down their child when they hear something other than the desired response isn't caring about their future well-being.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

No I get it and you're right. Expressing your opinion, debating a point of view, critique, it's all good. This is how we learn how to converse.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Agree to a certain extent. While children should be encouraged to respectfully reason and reject unreasonable demands when they don't agree with an adult, some are just downright disrespectful. If not put in their place, they would grow up to be assholes with no idea of respect for others. The best that an adult can do is to lead by example and be open to conversations.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

"You're attacking me, I have the right to defend myself" Is a line somebody can use in this situation. I've used it in the past but as an adult.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I wish that had worked as a child. Instead I got "Oh you think I'm attacking you huh!? Let me show you what attacking you looks like" I'm still working through childhood issues.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I allow my kids to argue with me. I want them to be able to speak their mind. If they can't express themselves then I haven't done my job as a parent. I also don't care what age you are, you earn respect. Boss ,teacher whatever I allow my kids to speak up in a respectful way.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This is such an American concept. I don't think I've ever met a child in the UK that called their farther "Sir" or mother "ma'am".

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Children need to have soooo much more agency and autonomy. Adults should lead by example in how to communicate effectively, honestly and respectfully. Kids are smart and have so much capacity for compassion.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yeah I have no idea what talking back is, everything was rude and disrespectful to my abusive ex stepdad.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I think parents that are too strict raise meek children who grow up to be meek adults who cannot fight for themselves in this world. It's very important they learn how to communicate and work with others so being overly protective and not putting them in social situations early on will backfire later in life. They need to learn healthy boundaries early and they can't do that by not making mistakes early on and learning from them.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Are you from the southeastern US? I know it's pretty common there to say ma'am and sir. Kids should be able to voice concerns and opinions within reason, but I think you'll find that, in many places in the world, kids are able to.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I raised 2 sons who were taught that respect is a 2 way street. You give respect to everyone but once they disrespect you then you no longer respect them. They are passing it on to their children also. Adults need to remember children are people and deserve respect. You disrespect my kids or my grand kids they going to be very disrespectful back.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I always have done. Sometimes the parent is NOT always right.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I agree. I'm in my 20's and because of this issue didn't start to advocate for myself till now. I had an adult tell me for years I was bad, if I disagreed it's backtalk, etc. Now, I realize he is insecure. And that I'm not dumb or being disrespectful. I didn't deserve any of the threats or hurt and being put down. A lot of kids deserve so much better.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Children are not just little adults. They don't come equipped with finished brain development, knowledge, and experiences to guide them. They learn by seeing, hearing, doing. Adults have a responsibility to teach children how to get along, stay safe, interact with society appropriately. Some parents have a knack for teaching these skills. Some do not. One thing is for sure: discussion, debate, choices, and trial/error are sure fire ways to help that little brain develop. On the other hand, it is important for parents to be in charge and protect children from anything that might hurt them, including the child's own smart mouth. In short, there is a nuance here that could easily be overlooked.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

But you agree that children should be given the agency to talk about their issues with their parents and advocate for their own autonomy? There's nuance everywhere. You don't need to ackowledge every single nuance for people to understand that you shouldn't let your child become an asshole via letting them yell at people.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

My daughter is 8 and she is very opinionated! We let her have her say and consider her perspective! She has some good points!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

What you're describing is something we would consider child abuse in Europe.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

One of the fundamental parenting rules I have used is: if I can't explain to my daughter why she should / shouldn't do what I tell her to, then she doesn't have to. The corrolary is: if she can argue against my point, she gets her way. This has worked surprisingly well.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I guess children and teens should have the right to question the adults around them when they feel something isn't right. This is the way to teach them how to think for themselves and not become sheep that obey blindly to any form of authority. It's the parent's job to teach the kid how to politely and respectfully question authority without causing a scene. The adults that don't accept this want to have total control over their kids by showing them they are inferior to them because of age. I think authority is good but we should always have the right to question it when we feel something isn't right no matter what age. Remember that kids grow up to become adults. Help them become well adjusted adults that can think for themselves and stand up for what they believe in in a respectful manner.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Is this really unpopular?? People have the right to defend themselves verbally regardless of their age and adults can be wrong. Of course its fine to argue back. And who says yes maam or yes sir? Who's talking to their parents like they're in the military?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Most of what's considered "talking back" is just replying. It's a conversation, not you talking to a wall.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

That's why I yell...... If you say something I don't like and I say I don't like that and wish to talk it out and you shut me down I'm gonna start yelling until you shut up and listen and if you start yelling at me to shut up I'm gonna get louder and start saying stuff you wouldn't like do you know how I feel.🙂 I'm not the type of person who yells or argue most times when I talk you barely hear me. But some adults think because they do stupid stuff I'll stand by it and when I call them out they say I'm disrespectful and they need to have a word with my parents.....I will most definitely talk back if and when I see it fit . And you're going to be embarrassed because I'm spitting facts . So the lady who keeps telling lies to me to parents just come to me personally so I can't show you what it feels like when you say those things about me 🙄. Lemme show you disrespect

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I've never really gotten the "respect your elders" thing, I firmly believe that my respect has to be earned. I will give most people a baseline level of respect which is not being an asshole but just because you're older than me doesn't mean I'm going to bend over backwards trying to please you. kids should have the ability to say no and just be able to have a real conversation instead of being yelled at. plus if kids don't engage with most adults when they're yelling in one specific way, it's "disrespectful." not talking enough is disrespectful, talking too much is disrespectful, looking away is disrespectful, looking at them is disrespectful, showing emotions is disrespectful, not showing emotions is disrespectful. instead of just berating your kid, which usually leads to communication issues when they're older, just have a conversation with them on their level

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Rather than talking back, I think it should be about questioning. Questioning not about the right of the person to do a thing but about the consequences of the thing or other aspects. This can help bridge the gap.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

For it not to be socially acceptable for a child or teen to talk back to an adult, you but believe adults are always right, or children should never correct an adult when they are wrong. This attitude still unfortunately instilled in some children is a Godsend for child abusers. It makes it much easier to abuse someone if they genuinely believe you can do no wrong, or are being cheeky and disrespectful in rejecting lies they tell you, or even refusing orders is unacceptable. Get in the car little girl. I'm an adult, you must obey and don't talk back.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Child please.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You can do WHATEVER you want. Just be prepared for any consequences. That's all life is.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

That's child abuse and its not normal, what you have experience is not normal at all in other civilized parts of the world.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You had an abusive household growing up.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Oh I agree and was in the same boat. We have very open conversations at our house even when someone did something wrong. We want to get to the why and what could help prevent it, honestly, instead of yelling. I was tricked in the above as a kid. They just wanted to know to yell at me more. I was just with family with kids and they're like what you say. Compliance. Any resistance or voice was squashed and yelled at. It killed me.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Maybe we should just replace 'no back talk' with 'please provide a well-reasoned argument'.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

well see then that would disrupt the adults power trip, if say the child in question had a valid argument or position and we cant have that now can we.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Absolutely not. My sons friend is 8 and had an attitude with me that I wouldn't let him into my master bedroom so I kicked his bytt onto the front porch and told him never to come into my house again. For more context, he asked "what the f- is so important you're hiding it?" After he asked if he could go in and I said no. My kids I do allow to explain their feelings, but that doesn't usually change things. It just allows them to express and validate their feelings which all people have.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It's obedience training, to prepare children to just take abuse that those higher up, partners, family members etc will inflict upon them, rather than teaching them how to stand up for themselves.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

...sure, feel free to talk back. But don't get upset if what you say makes you look like an inexperienced dummy.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

The reason why we try to instill "respect of authority" to children is so when they grow they can handle adversity and direction. To be a functioning member of society you need to know when to lead AND when to follow.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

But if you only learn to follow because you aren't allowed to talk back you will not be able to function in society. I want my kids to walk out if something is unreasonable. If a teacher is being unfair they can address it. If I'm wrong they can tell me. I don't argue over everything and some things just have to be done, but I want them to speak up when needed. I'm non US and there isn't much hierarchy over here anyway, no boss that just ‘tells you what to do' and parents don't tend to be very authoritative. That's a difference I think. It can cause very much harm when a child learns adults are always right and are always believed over a child. When an adult does mean harm they won't tell anyone because they will not be believed. They will only learn to address things in an assertive confident way if I let them talk to me in that way. And because they are kids they will be sometimes be too rude, make mistakes or behave inappropriately while doing that. We talk about it, they learn. They don't learn when I just teach them ‘shut up and listen'.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

ITT so many abused kids who've grown into confused adults. The poison is that every kid believes they have a normal childhood and that absolutely sucks!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Agreed. Respect is earned not given I'm not going to respect someone just because they are old. We are all getting old so what? I give the same energy I get. You give me kindness I give kindness you give me nasty I will also give nasty.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Respect your elders should be: "This person has a lot more life experience than I do, so I should put stock in what they have to say" Unfortunate it's presented as: "This person I older than me, so I should just do what they tell me"

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Exactly! But not even older people experience stuff at times and just think they know because they are old

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yup, agree 100%, nothing worse than entitled old people who demand respect but treat you like garbage.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Exactly this! Like cool it grandma

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Something prior generations never understood is that respect is a two way street. They were taught that elder means you shut up smile and nod and that is how they define respect. You can still find this in every poorly managed business.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

One of the most frustrating things was being told not to talk back. Thankfully my family for the most part was understandable on the talking back part and would only get upset with me if I was being a smartass or being rude. However, in school I was told and seen others told this ALL the time. Some teachers don't give a damn about what a student thinks or says. "Whatever I say, Go's" I have heard that quote from teachers throughout school. Mostly grade 8 and below.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I agree, but not completely. ​ There's a time and a place and if they recognize that, I'll happily hear it, but sometimes, it's not the time or the place.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

it kinda defeats the whole point if the time and place is up to the adult

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Part of growing up is learning how to recognize when it's the time and place for something, as well as what hills are worth dying on.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

for sure but defending yourself when accused is definitely one of those hills worth dying. besides that adults seem pretty gung ho about teaching resilience and never giving up why are people surprised when children/teens use their advice

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I don't think you're understanding my position. I'm not saying don't defend yourself, but it's like if you get pulled over for speeding and you know you weren't speeding. ​ You can argue with the Cop, which might piss him off and he smells something in your car and be a real pain in your ass if he doesn't outright detain you, or you can just smile and nod and then argue it in court where you've got a chance of beating it. ​ Sometimes it's best to take a temporary loss for a long term gain.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Kids in school where i lice use the teachers first name

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I agree, I'm just a little puzzled how this is an "unpopular opinion"? I guess this depends on where you live, culture etc.? I was a kid in the 1980s and freely argued back to my parents, and expect the same from my own child. Of course there are things that the parents have to decide and will decide, but I've never felt "talking back" isn't allowed or that my view wouldn't be heard.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I think it's a cultural thing. In some cultures you are expected to just obey and don't tell anyone what you think, even as an adult. Saying no to a request is an insult etc etc. In my country everybody between 4-104 years old will tell you what they think. If you like it or not.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

>In my country everybody between 4-104 years old will tell you what they think. If you like it or not. This sounds like a certain country, which we shall not name, but is famous for windmills and tulips. It's not quite so bad here (Finland). A healthy lack of respect for authority, and hearing of opinions regardless of who they come from, are cornerstones of progress and happiness, as far as I'm concerned.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I feel a little called out. And yes it is thát country. And it isn't as bad as everybody tells you on the internet. I think the country's where saying no to a request is considered rude, and you must dodge the question or stay vague instead of just saying no, will think it's bad over here. But the Scandinavian country's are somewhat the same in my opinion. But overall, apart from the directness, its not very hierarchal.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Honestly, I just talk back anyways. I'm prepared to get into trouble for that. If I feel like the teacher doesn't show respect towards me, I won't show respect either.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Finally, a valid reason to justify my teenage rebellion!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Bruh, talking back is having attitude, not simply speaking back.

by Anonymous 1 year ago