+158 Losing friends as an adult hits harder, amirite?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

i think it hits harder because making friends is harder as an adult. friends are much less "replaceable" than they were when you were young. As we grow older our tastes develop, we become more set in our ways and more guarded. We're less malleable in our personality, so our scope of those we like (and who like us) becomes much narrower. We also have much less free time with which to build/develop the strong bonds which really defines a friend over an acquaintance. it's not just that the hole is there - it's also that the hole is unlikely to be filled by anything else.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

> it's not just that the hole is there - it's also that the hole is unlikely to be filled by anything else. Damn bro.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Damn that last sentence really hits hard

by Anonymous 1 year ago

> i think it hits harder because making friends is harder as an adult. Isn't that exactly what OP said?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Idk when I bored the hole but it's been there and i still can't find smth to fill it.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

The final sentence goes hard.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Dating while older feels the same. Yeah, we all want a cute young person to hang out with. But have you ever had to actually talk to them? Sprinkle 10 more years of experience on them, we will be good. I had kids young. Their friends came and hung out with them. I am glad I don't have to put up with that noise anymore! I couldn't imagine dating one of them. They were all very beautiful. But I could not connect.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

yes, making friends as adult is hard, its upseting when i lose one, but its kinda "ok". like its better to lose them than to keep someone that would do me harm

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I think this is an important point. An empty hole will always be better than one filled with poison.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Life is all work and no play for quite a few adults out there. That life doesn't attract friends.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Not enough people talk about friendship breakups. I've been through a couple and I honestly find them somewhat more difficult than romantic relationship breakups.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Artists are sleeping on this. Only song that I've found resonates w the experience is James Blake - Friends That Break Your Heart

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Me and an old childhood friend started growing really distant, and it got even worse when he moved out of state. I think it was more emotionally sad to me than losing any romantic partner I have had before.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

There's a Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers song called "You Can't Make Old Friends."

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Ben Rector has a song called "Old Friends" as well. Always makes me a little sad.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Went to a therapist after a sister and three "good friends" ghosted me (over a period of 10 years) and she helped me discover why. All of these people had the same personality types- controlling, judgmental, narcissistic, and need for center of attention in social situations. So it was ME who chose to become close with these people because they were fun, out there, and I truly came to love them. Missed all the red flags. Now that I am older, I have become more discriminating in qualities I look for in a friend. A bit cynical as well, but overall I am an optimist.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

>So it was ME who chose to become close with these people Damn, I relate more than I like

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This is familiar.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

They always say if you've had a friend for seven years then they're a friend for life: if I lose a friend like that I am distraught; if it's the other then who cares?!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Unfortunately, the saying isn't accurate. I gave up a friend of 20 years after I learned from my therapist about controlling and narcissistic behaviours. There was probably always a reason why I was her only long-term friend. Now she has none I guess.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Ah, sorry you had to go through that but yes, if that person behaves like that and only has you, then you did the right thing. Like all rules of thumb they're not an exact science and you do need to look after yourself. I hope all is going well.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

With such people, ending things ends up a huge relief. You don't realize just how one-sided and draining it was until you've left and doffed all your "responsibilities" to an energy vampire. It sucks at the start, but after a few months to a year, it's all just a dull disappointment. Thanks for the kind words, tho.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Aww that's great!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I lost all my friends when I decided to stay sober.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I'm so sorry they had to be that way. I have some friends who are sober and in recovery and they have a softball league. I'm sure there are other groups like that, and maybe not even sports if that's not your jam. I would investigate sober social options. Rooting for you to find friendships that are positive for you. 🤗

by Anonymous 1 year ago

What even is a friend.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I haven't had any friends since 92. It's just what is for me.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Buried my best friend in 2016. Buried what took me a long long long time to earn again this year. I'm in my 30s. Nothing prepares you for that.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

The worst part about losing friends at my age is that my black suit doesn't fit right.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Friendship breakups can be like losing a limb. The phantom pains are real, y'all.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Hey hey, if you do it when you're younger, you don't get this problem because they're all already gone. :)

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yeah it's the worst. I fell out with my closest friend group a month ago. It was messy. I miss being in university when it was so common to just talk to whoever's around and make friends. Now in the workforce everyone has their own lives, spouses, families, and when they do stuff with you you worry it's just out of obligation.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Moved out of state 16 years ago. Made a few work friends where I'm at now. They've all either passed away or moved on over the years. No clue how to make friends when closing in on 50.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

As much as it sucks, people have more heavy reasons for ghosting. Stress, marital trouble, finances, grief, health, you name it.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

The trick is to not have any friends to lose

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I remember losing a chunk of them when university started. At first I was confused but as time flowed on I realized they were just using me lol

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Dude I have zero time for friends in my 30s. The free time I do have I schedule with my family. Just how it goes.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Same

by Anonymous 1 year ago

"We used to be close, but people can go From people you know to people you don't And what hurts the most is people can go From people you know to people you don't."

by Anonymous 1 year ago

No it doesn't. You're just more mature now to drop unnecessary relationships. If it feels forced and it wastes your time on doing something more worthwhile, it's time to let it go.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Generally, if i really wanna be friends with them, I'll keep in touch. But if not, let them fade. You're in control of what happens in your life.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It does. Realizing they're willing to murder you and your family because you hold humanist values hurts worse.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

We have less friends as adult. Each one of them will be more precious to us.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It's especially hard when you work from home.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I find the opposite. In my younger days I felt hurt when I lost a friend, over the years I've learned most people are only in your life temporarily, you enjoy the time together and move on.

by Anonymous 1 year ago