Online dating for men is strangely similar to the process of applying for a job, amirite?

Yeah for me the processes are exactly the same. You can apply all day to everything you see, but the only job you're actually going to get is the one that specifically contacted you first and sought you out and wants you in particular, to the point where you get hired on the spot in the interview, they just wanted to confirm you really were who your resume said you were. It's been similar in my experience with women, where no matter how many likes I threw out there, the only actual responses I'd ever get were with the women who messaged me first and went out of their way to pick me specifically because I was their type.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

So Bumble is like LinkedIn where women are the headhunters?

by Anonymous 9 months ago

And this is the truth that so many men run from

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Ah, who doesn't love fishing?

by Anonymous 9 months ago

It took me until my mid 20s to realize this as well. When I was younger I always went after girls *I* was interested in without considering how *they* felt about me. Missed out on a lot of great girls that showed interest in me just to chase someone who would barely give me the time of day. Now my conclusion is you should still always shoot your shot because girls usually don't make the first move, but give up immediately if there isn't any interest. Don't take it personally at all- it just wasn't meant to be. Be the best version of yourself you can be and accept that not everyone will buy what you're selling and you'll be happy with yourself.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

So true, probably of the ~20 dates I've had, 18 was the woman making first contact. This was >10 yrs ago before the whole app-based dating scene. Happily married now.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

how did you get 18 woman to approach? are you a greek god or something?

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Long hair. Of course this was 25-30 years ago, but I'd bet it still holds. Now I think most women prefer a man with neat, short hair but they don't go "*Ooo his short hair is so crisp, I must have him.*" However, I found that those women who *do* like long hair *really* like it, and will come over and start talking and touching. I never had to approach any women. Of course it probably helps if you aren't a greasy troll.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

And that's why I've been single for ten years

by Anonymous 9 months ago

A friend of mine compared Tinder to a Gacha game

by Anonymous 9 months ago

What. If you have lots of money, you win? Lolol.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

My friend is an early 20s Millionaire and gets no luck. It's all genetic lottery

by Anonymous 9 months ago

I mean, if you just care about sex AND you're a millionaire and you're still not getting any, you must be worse looking than an octogenarian or a deformed person... you must be unbearable, lol.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Actually he's wonderful and I wouldn't say unattractive either. I think the problem is just the way dating apps work. He doesn't exactly tell anyone of his net worth so he may as well just be in the same boat as everyone else.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

The odds on Gacha might be better, honestly.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Gacha game without pity time, so straight up FGO.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Nope. Have got multiple jobs but never a date.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Clearly your resume is more impressive than your tinder profile.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Needs better pictures

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Not really. When applying for a job you have an actual chance to get it

by Anonymous 9 months ago

"I'm sorry but we've filled the position internally"

by Anonymous 9 months ago

That only happens in west virginia

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Oof. This is when the sex is so bad she's just staying home with BoB instead of risking it out there

by Anonymous 9 months ago

You guys are getting to sex before rejection?

by Anonymous 9 months ago

And quite often, you'll get an automated receipt confirmation and rejection.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Not just online dating. I've been on a few dates where it felt like I should have brought a CV and a copy of my bank statements

by Anonymous 9 months ago

I had to find out the hard way that a detailed 'About Me' page listing all of my likes and interests was next to worthless on a dating app. If you can make good looking pictures of yourself in enviable situations, cool. If you can't, just stick to in-person encounters and avoid getting your ego stomped into the dirt.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

You are absolutely correct. I tell guys that until you have great photos, don't even try. And to know if you have great photos use a tool like PhotoFeeler and have them rated. Doing that was a total wakeup call for me and I ended up abandoning online dating altogether.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

For a Software Engineer, your photos are the equivalent of your opensource/in prod projects you can show off. Actually, I reckon opensource projects are the equivalent of being famous and having an insta account with a decent following.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

What is this... Your photos were bad so the logical conclusion was to give up?

by Anonymous 9 months ago

"No short guys" is the equivalent of "Must have a degree and 5+ year's experience."

by Anonymous 9 months ago

I'm 6'3". I have a masters degree and 5+ years of experience in the same field. I am currently jobless and have always been single. True story

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Tall guys just like you, not you, obviously, but LIKE you.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

That is the number one reason I always get. While it is fine for them to have their prefrences, this over 6 feet tall gets tiring considering that only 14.5% of men in the U.S. meet that criteria.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

I'm average height, so it never worked against me, but online dating really made me feel for shorter guys. It was the one preference that women made no attempt to disguise or couch in polite terms, and it was a very common requirement. It was always a blunt "You must be taller than me," and "Less than 5'10 need not apply," kind of stuff. It's like damn ladies, how would you like it if men constantly put "Nobody bigger than a size 6" in their profiles?

by Anonymous 9 months ago

FYI 5'9" is average male height in the United States.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Which is my height. I'm right in the middle of the bell curve. ;-)

by Anonymous 9 months ago

You're allowed to have physical preferences though.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

This was fair, *until* the entire "body positivity" movement made female weight a *singular* uncriticiseable trait while everything else was fair game. This was always extremely hypocritical.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

To extend the job market metaphor, that's because there's far more men than women on dating apps, so the women can be far pickier in their "hiring". It doesn't help that there are plenty of guys out there who are failures to launch who think that they deserve to only be "hired" by the "best companies" on dating apps, and then get really pissy when their complete lack of relationship skills is rejected by the Googles/Apples/Amazons that they are trying to hook up with. Dating and interviewing does have one big thing in common: if you lack communication and hygiene skills, you're not getting far in either.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

It's also believed that because the cost of reproduction is higher for women than men that it plays a part in why women are pickier. Not super relevant but some added depth

by Anonymous 9 months ago

The sad part here is that this is very unlikely to change.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

The second one is quite a reasonable requirement assuming the compensation matches. The first one is just being shallow (which everyone is entitled to, but it doesn't make it reasonable).

by Anonymous 9 months ago

6'2 here. Being tall isn't a magic bullet either.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Yeah it's just another factor the best you can do is improve stuff you can, instead of getting hung up on your shortcomings.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

I'm way below average height, like single digit percentile, and I still get tons of matches. Y'all are doing something wrong.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Not really. I get unsollicited job offered to me everyday in my LinkedIn inbox. I don't get any hit on tinder.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Hit on the recruiters. They either leave you alone or you get a date - win win.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Women talk about they don't want to make the first move or they're afraid to. If they do message first, it's either "Hi" or "How are you?" Tell them they can make compensation by getting you a job somewhere and they'll send you a LinkedIn message a paragraph long about how much of a "great fit" your "impressive skillset and experiences" you have are for a position

by Anonymous 9 months ago

I lol'ed

by Anonymous 9 months ago

also add you have to pay money to have a better chance in getting a job

by Anonymous 9 months ago

I had a coworker who was setting up a profile. They quoted him like $800 for a year of using the premium service of the website. We asked the girl who recommended him the website how much they asked her to pay. She said they didn't charge anything.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

That's how it works yup

by Anonymous 9 months ago

yupp. girls have it easy with the dating sites.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

In their 20s. That advantage goes away drastically the older they get. I have a 70 year old grandpa who became recently widowed and he is only chasing after women in their 30s. It's hilarious but I think this is Mother Nature balancing the scales for the sexes.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

I don't think it's easier. Finding "matches" easier. What comes after is quite difficult.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Someone summarized it pretty well: a man on a dating site is like being thirsty in the middle of the desert. A woman on a dating site is like being thirsty in the middle of the ocean.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Yeah agreed.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

delusional

by Anonymous 9 months ago

bro nothing you said is harder than men have it

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Pretty girls*** ugly girls dont get so much as a reply and if we do, its usually an attack on our appearance or asking us if our friend is single lmao

by Anonymous 9 months ago

That's a just a bunch of blackpill propaganda. /s

by Anonymous 9 months ago

And companies are more likely to come after you if you're already employed.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Split the bill on the first date? It's not the 1950s.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Yup it's literally the same thing. If you want a major ego destroyer, try to look for a GF and a job at the same time.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

As in you just gotta fire off a ton of resumes and hope the response isn't a scam?

by Anonymous 9 months ago

The pay is terrible and the hours are long, but the benefits are worth all 23 seconds

by Anonymous 9 months ago

"Congratulations, I have chosen you to fill the position"

by Anonymous 9 months ago

I'm looking for work and a relationship. It's a hostile world.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

There's maybe one similarity for everyone: people find the best opportunities/ options through referrals It's hard to generalize people's experiences with job applications but I've personally heard that people don't really do cover letters anymore - which makes online dating seem much more workload-heavy in comparison. No wonder why people delete or become inactive in apps

by Anonymous 9 months ago

LinkedIn is reversed Tinder Hot girls are DMing bearded geeks just to be ghosted in 90% of the times

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Flip on bi-sexual and see what its like from the other side. Its crazy how many guys are hitting up my inbox to chat, hang out, fk, w/e. I swipe maybe 1 out of 50 guys b/c I only like them more femme and cute, but I swipe prolly 1/3 of the girls b/c girls are mostly femme and cute lol but I get at least 4x response from guys just getting to the point of chatting, not even meeting. Almost every guy is willing to grab a coffee but girls eh... they don't seem to put in much effort at all.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

So true. Never heard back from my last few would-be employers after I sent them a photo of my wang either. ☹️

by Anonymous 9 months ago

you cant win them all

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Not just online dating but regular dating as well at least initially.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Absolutely

by Anonymous 9 months ago

I have a significantly higher chance of hearing back from a job application.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Im assuming you mean 90% of your applications aren't even viewed?

by Anonymous 9 months ago

After realizing its not "I hope these ladies like me", but really its "Do I really like these ladies"...I'm no longer stressed about it and much, much happier now. The odds of finding the one on a dating app is very low. Be yourself. Dont worry about it.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Oh no no no, jobs pay you. It's more like applying for a summer internship with a toxic boss.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Doesn't apply to software engineers like me. I get tons of desperate job offer messages, but I dated only one woman in my life. It's like reverse Tinder. Lots of pretty women recruiters write to ugly software guys like me and beg for a conversation.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

i wanna become a software engineer. but i feel like 33 years old is too late 😂

by Anonymous 9 months ago

As a guy in his 40's you're definitely not too late, if you can afford to go to school and somewhat maintain your lifestyle go for it.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

A lot of dates feel like interviews so it tracks.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

The person whos best at interviewing will get the job, not neccasarily the person whos best at the job.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Totally. Also how do you get experience to get the position that requires experience. And then when you get your experience and have proved yourself your not supposed to exercise your options now that employers/partners want you

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Exactly why I don't date.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Successful job replies and interviews: multiple over the past decade. Successful dates: :(

by Anonymous 9 months ago

You mean there's the option to date from home?

by Anonymous 9 months ago

In 2023 online dating is easier than finding a job

by Anonymous 9 months ago

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by Anonymous 9 months ago

Gonna be honest, applying for a job is easier.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

I have an easier time getting a job than a date.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Yea, and just like getting a job, the job that works out best is one from your personal network and connections. It's people you've worked with in the past that vouch for your work, people who see and share opportunities that seem like a fit for you, etc. Same with dating. Apps are fine but you gotta get outside

by Anonymous 9 months ago

All i want is to date a girl that weighs less than my dad which seems impossible to do on dating apps when my dad is 6'0 and 170 pounds. I'm 5'10 and 160 pounds. How do women think we'll be a match when im literally half their size, it's easy to see how skinny i am in pictures. I can tell how heavy a woman is just by looking at their neck and face now from using tinder.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Why are you swiping on women you're not attracted to? Or are you using premium and see your likes?

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Not just straight guys too. In gay world, a big dick is like a bachelor's degree. Must have one even for the most gutbucket opportunities.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

plus using more flowery words that usual. lol

by Anonymous 9 months ago

And online dating for (attractive) women would probably be similar to a recruiter interviewing people for a job, except whoever made the advertisement decided to mark a few important things as "optional".

by Anonymous 9 months ago

For women too. 100 messages for 20 replies, 5 people agree to meet up, only 1 actually does.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

And for guys, it's more like 100 messages for 1 reply. Oh, she agreed to meet up? That's great, I'm sure if you type that story up and send it to a publisher it'll give you the big bucks. She actually showed up? Well, now we're just in the realm of impossibility, aren't we?

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Till the meet up, its a guy or a girl using another person photo.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

I equated it more with women ordering off a menu, and if it wasn't exactly what they ordered they send it back. Sure makes sense if they ordered steak and got chicken nuggets, but some want that steak medium rare and won't accept medium.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

I spent several months working closely with a younger colleague at work and began to feel it was an extended job interview. It was; she wass assessing my suitability as a potential husband. The interview ended with an offer of a future position in her household.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Am I dating wrong or applying for jobs wrong? They aren't even slightly similar.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

1st date is like interview. Dating and relationship is like job. The only difference is instead of earning you pay

by Anonymous 9 months ago

I dunno, I'm good at finding a job.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

All first dates are interviews.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Yeah, like continuous rejection

by Anonymous 9 months ago

I've always described it as the perfect mix of gambling and shopping. Hit the jackpot and found my wife :)

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Really? Getting a job is so much easier

by Anonymous 9 months ago

No it's not. Even despite all the complaining in cscareerquestions of being under to get interviews or land a job, I have no problem with getting interviews I don't even particularly want, and have no concerns about landing a job if I wanted to move. The same can absolutely not be said for my experience online dating. And I reckon on paper for dating I'm as good as my professional resume.

by Anonymous 9 months ago

Oh great, another online dating pity party

by Anonymous 9 months ago