+154 Dating responsibility should be shared equally, amirite?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I'm always skeptical to a sentence that says "studies show".

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Or one that claims they can think of "at least 15 aspects of society that would be improved" and only uses a single example

by Anonymous 6 months ago

All without showing the studies. Sure I could google but why should I do all the extra work you refuse to do?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

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by Anonymous 6 months ago

SA rates 100% do not plummet you are pulling that out of your ass lmao. SA is caused by women not asking out men??? Like really??

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I would assume its correlation, not causation - as in when people are taught to approach dating equally regardless of what gender they are, they're more likely to see the other individual as a full person and equal in the relationship (e.g. less likely to get guys who think they're owed sex, or that they have some sort of ownership over their female partner)

by Anonymous 6 months ago

What are the studies?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I preferred approaching guys. I was just always a little suspicious of the guys who would come up to me lol

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I am married with kids now but when I was single, I only considered women that approached me. I never approached women.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Look at Mr. Handsome over here. Getting women to approach him multiple times in one lifetime.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I am middle aged now. I have been married for 21 years. I don't get women to approach me anymore and I consider that a good thing because I would not wanted to be tempted to lose the good thing I have going with my wife.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I'm so older than your marriage that it would be weird if I was dating it and I've never had a woman come up to me.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

you must be very good looking, most men don't have the luxury of waiting around for women to approach them, they would be waiting forever

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I think I was good looking in my day and I believe I had a personality that could easily connect with people. But I was talking about when I was single in my 20s. I am in my mid 40s and have been married for 21 years now. Maybe also another thing is online dating wasn't really a thing back then. I mean it was, but it was very embarrassing to online date back in those days. People would make up something instead of telling people they met online.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Should these guys therefore have been suspicious of you when you approached them?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

You're being dense on this, male and female social dynamics are obviously very different from each other. Everyone knows a woman that was sexually abused one way or another so it makes sense in general for women to be more wary of men.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

If someone was, I would understand. Unlike a lot of guys I would never pressure the situation though.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I'm sorry (I'm not) but did you literally just say Men SA women because they dont get approached. That's literally shifting the blame of the SA from men onto women. It is NEVER a womens fault if she gets SA'd and No the SA rates will not 'plummet' if someone wanted to SA you they would still do it. You see SA everywhere. In seemingly 'healthy' relationships, clubs, FWBs everywhere. It wont make a difference if women approached men. And besides I barely see any guys treat dating as 'seriously' or whatever as they used to.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Story old as time really. SA is never assaulters fault. Maybe it's my bias, but like i immediately think that OP assaulted someone for defending assaulters so much. Besides, it may have been right if SA was actually about sex. But it isnt. It's not about sex or love, it's always about power over the other person and lack of respect for their ability to make decision.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

> I can think of at least 15 different aspects of society that would be improved I'd love to hear them please

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Out of interest, can I see said studies?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Whats your email? I can send you some links there or to your DMs!

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Or you can just put the links here...so that others can see it too

by Anonymous 6 months ago

You're blaming sexual assault on the fact more women don't approach men?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Their source is their own "studies & research" too. Ain't no way this person is fr

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Women should approach men more - or they will sexually assault them?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

WTF? You mean to say that SA happens because women don't approach men?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I think that's a very uncharitable approach to what OP is saying. I think of it more like so... Approaching is mostly the burden of men, and it is a fundamental part of a system that treats women like a prize to be chased, not another human to interact with on equal terms. How could we be equal if the burden to do the chasing is overwhelmingly placed on one gender? And if so, what other things do we need to re-examine?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Okay but how is that related to SA? And OP's whole opinion is by thinking that there are an equal number of men and women in a sample of population, but that is not true most of the hang out spots like bars, parties etc all have more men then women, even the dating apps will have more men then women, and hence 1 women will be approached by more men, if ratios were inverted then 1 men would be approached by more womens.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

In what universe do you live in where girls are specifically told not to approach and boys are specifically told to approach. Pretty sure any kid who ever came home to their parents talking about a crush was then encouraged to try and talk to them.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I am a big supporter of women being more active in asking men out. But you are making some big claims without backing them up. And it's not up to us to find the studies. You mentioned them, meaning you know which ones they are and how to access them. I want to see the proof.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I would really appreciate if someone my age approached and talked to me ๐Ÿ‘ thank you ๐Ÿ‘ im desperate ๐Ÿ‘

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Relationships that begin with a woman approaching a man have dramatically higher rates of success! Encourage everyone you know to challenge current dating norms!

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Based on what though?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

The "Just trust me bro" studies.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Based on what? Where are these studies? My personal observations have show this to be untrue, so I'd like to see the studies you claim represent the general population.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Oh well yeah women should totally make first moves. But as a woman, I won't. Too scary. I'm nervous. Also the SA part??? Huh???

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Then why should guys do what you consider "too scary?"

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I don't think guys SA women because they're not approached. And it's best for everyone if they stay single. Also, some women also SA men and they get approached. SA is about selfish needs and wants and power.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Men assault women, men assault men, women assault men, women assault women. There are differences in rates tho, that's why the first case is most talked about. Men are many times more less likely to get assaulted than women and I think women are assaulting less often than men. I am not gonna attempt to explain why that happens. It has nothing to do with sexual orientation or sex itself. It's about thinking that your rights, wants and needs trump whatever boundaries someone else has or whatever decision they make or whatever autonomy they have.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Every single person is different and you're never applying a blanket practice to dating.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Of course, there are exceptions. But most societies have a dating script based on archaic patriarchal norms that should be abandoned, but sadly, are deeply enforced by media, dating apps, and the like

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Women are never going to equally engage men, because they don't have to.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Isn't the point of equality that you do things, despite that you don't want to? Because it is unequal?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Equality doesn't matter here, it just is what it is. Trying to say "women not approaching men is unequal" is borderline silly.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Maybe, but that is also very much true to most things that we have changed about our societal rules.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

You can't make a rule on this though.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Looks like you're picking up what Im putting down! Congratulations!

by Anonymous 6 months ago

But, it isn't on them to change the dynamic.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Its on everyone but especially parents teaching their children the โ€˜script' of dating! We have two daughters and one son, all are taught the same thing: if you like someone, go talk to them!

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Do you also teach your daughters that if they don't ask men out they will get SAed?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Not really, the most dangerous thing my daughters will ever do is interact with men. I'd rather them be as discerning as possible, because very few men are going to be worth their time.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

That's the point of approaching guys because then they can just go straight to what they want instead of wading through what comes to them. And if you're the approacher you can set the pace more easily

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Again, sounds great in theory.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

But how to you know it's not actually great in practice? This is literally unprecedented and has never happened before!

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Statistically the people who pose the most danger to them are people they already know in their friends and family groups! Meeting someone, say, on a dating app or bookstore is statistically unlikely to result in harm. Especially if you teach them to be safe about it: keep all conversations on the app (if applicable), meet somewhere public and with other people around, dont share phone numbers or addresses until you have a good sense of the person, and let your friends or family or someone you trust know where you'll be and for how long!

by Anonymous 6 months ago

lol, you're horrible at foresight if you think the worst think your daughter will do is interact with men lmao! Doing Fentanyl, murder, heroin, extreme sports, etc are 10000x more dangerous than interacting with men lmao

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Lol lies are fun, But facts disagree. What's the number one cause of death for pregnant women? The father of the baby.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Ahh yes, pregnant women are known to go try an extreme sport or try fentanyl lmao! You cherry picked a small group of women (pregnant women) and are presenting them as if they represent all women lmao, and I'm the one lying? Humans aren't even the most dangerous to other humans lol, forget men! Mosquitos kill twice the amount of humans (not even just men) per year but no, deny that and treat men like they are the most dangerous thing to ever exist lmao!

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Not really, though.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

"I'd rather my daughter do fentanyl and die than interact with men" Yeah, you're just showing that you're a horrible and sexist father!

by Anonymous 6 months ago

You missed the whole idea here.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

>if women also approached men when they're interested in dating Your premise is wrong. How would you know you're interested in *dating* someone before you've ever even spoken to them? Just based on their looks? Because that's all you know about them. Women aren't interested in men that are approaching them for a date (or sex) when they know damn well those men know absolutely nothing about them except what they look like.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

The way someone looks tells a lot about their personality and values

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Not really. It just tells you what clothes they like and how much money they spend on them. If I approach a hippie, they could a peace-loving smoker, or an entitled rich kid, or have literally any other personality. All their appearance tells me is that they like a certain style of clothes.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Ehh, I'm a lesbian and I've almost always done the approaching, it's not that hard Also I never hurt anyone, blew up at them or called them mean names because she said no, guys who act like assholes when rejected should be added to a national registry

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Women often react negatively to rejection, its normal to feel hurt or upset when you put yourself in a vulnerable position like that and dont get the outcome thats expected. However, if the responsibility to approach and make first contact is shared, those violent reaction dramatically decrease!

by Anonymous 6 months ago

so you think if women approach more, men killing women for rejecting them will not happen as much? what is the correlation? i'm not seeing it. are you saying its because men won't approach as often, so there will be less opportunities for them to kill women? why not focus on reducing male entitlement and aggression in men instead? seems more relevant. (i guess i have to say i do agree that gender roles in relationships are stupid, and women can initiate just as often as men do, just so you can see we're on the same page with that)

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I'm sharing my dude, I'm a woman who does the approaching Or did, I've been with my girlfriend for years now so, not looking anymore, but before her

by Anonymous 6 months ago

(Im a woman too! Dude!) What Im saying is anyone can react negatively to rejection but we want to make it the exception, not the rule, by equalizing the dating norms

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I call everyone dude, my girlfriend, my kids, the washing machine, the car Type in, rejection killings, and your first several pages of results are going to be about men murdering women for saying no The violence isn't going to be solved by straight/bi girls approaching more

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Woman do approach men, just not you it seems

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I mean I mostly think it's just that women and men flirt differently. Men are more direct and women are usually more flirtatious and like to be chased.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

This is due to socialization, not inherent to human biology!

by Anonymous 6 months ago

intriguing! Do you have a source for that ๐Ÿค“

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Agreed. But girls/women are often called "unfeminine" or such and it is drilled into them to be passive and such from a young age, this needs to change for this to happen.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I asked a boy out in High School, and he got angry. He told me that "Girls shouldn't ask out boys, that's the boys responsibility!" And then he bullied me for the rest of High School. Lol I wasn't straight-forward with another guy until my 20's. So it's definitely NOT all on women to make this change. Many men feel emasculated by a woman asking them out.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

This is just a unpopular opinion for people who are online 24/7

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Source: Trust me, bro. What a bunch of bs.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

The biological necessity of some double standard will never be changed.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

How do you get to the idea of this being a 'biological necessity'?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Males and females have different personality traits due to their genes and hormones. This affects behavior in the way the sexes select mates. Observe just about any other species with sexual dimorphism and their mating strategies.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

What are the different personality traits all men and women have?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

So where's the unpopular opinion?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I dont think that girls get raised to not approach men. My parents never taught me or by siblings how to date. Nobody forces you to approach or tells women that they should not apporach guys. People need to make these decisions on their own. Most women just dont need to approach guy to have a dating life. If people would approach me every week then I would also never apporach anyone.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I'd approach men if I found them attractive. Most men don't catch my eye though.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Sounds great in theory, but the fact is the brains of men and women are different and there's nowhere that this is more obvious than in our sexuality. Expecting the two genders to act the same despite not actually being the same is a little naive.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Sounds like you've been conditioned by a patriarchal society . While these may be your opions, they are not facts! (source: Im a social scientist and researcher)

by Anonymous 6 months ago

No, they're definitely facts. Look virtually anywhere in the world and things will be mostly the same.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Wait till you find out how few matriarchal societies have existed in human history!

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Everyone's brain is different. We are different people. Is that your whole argument?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Things that would improve in society if women approached men: OP's crippling lack of a girlfriend that he thinks he "deserves" (but ONLY a hot one) Ok but fr: Women already approach men if they're really into them. Women just don't really tend to favor cold approaches in general, no matter which side does the approaching. So if you're not getting approachedโ€ฆ welp, looks like a you problem. Try looking at women as people instead of sex objects. Also it's highkey disgusting to blame SA on women not approaching men enough (show me the study, I'll wait. Oh right there isn't one because it came straight out of OP's ass).

by Anonymous 6 months ago

It's already taught to be for free.. u want advertising too?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

well first of all, the jocks who have the dating thing down probably wouldn't like it

by Anonymous 6 months ago

What studies? Provide your sources.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Are we saying that women dont know they can ask men out??

by Anonymous 6 months ago

incel behavior fr

by Anonymous 6 months ago

What is SA and MH?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Maybe it's not so bad if the ones that attribute SA to female behavior stay single.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

What studies show this? where are the links?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

If women asked out men, men would just complain that they're not being asked out. Just like they do with OLD.

by Anonymous 6 months ago

I'd love to see how these "studies show" this. How do you measure the "responsibility to initiate contact" how do you even define that? How could you possibly control for outside factors when comparing these populations to establish the causal link you put forward? Did the populations involved have equal access to sexual education? Did the populations involved have different population densities? How was the data collected and analyzed?

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Things are not that simple

by Anonymous 6 months ago

Women already do approach the men they're attracted to. They just do it in a different way.

by Anonymous 6 months ago