You actually *do* owe people, amirite?

This concept is hilarious to me. Like humans haven't lived in communities and depended on what we owe to each other for survival since we crawled out of the goo

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Exactly, people forget humans are social creatures, it's in our nature

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Also, I have a legally binding contract to pay my mortgage. I literally owe the lender.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Humans obviously live in communities but the idea you owe everyone everything simply for being alive is kind of ridiculous. Someone who's abused by their parents don't owe them s*** simply because you gave birth to them and simply fed you. You don't owe something to a abusive person in a relationship simply because they paid your bills once. The problem isn't that people shouldn't owe others anything by being grateful to other people, it's just that we now have gotten to this ridiculous idea that if anyone has ever done anything for you ever, you should be there b**** forever and never called them out on bad behavior. Heck this guy literally says you should owe your employer. If you have a good employer and they are able to help you have a tough situation sure, but if they treat you like s*** and you only spend time with them with the hope of getting enough money to not starve to death, then that is basically the equivalent of saying you should thank a hateful person who only does the bare minimum to keep you alive so they can treat you like garbage. TLDR: you should owe your friends and many of the good people in your life, but you don't owe everyone especially if they are awful people who only ever did anything for you for selfish reasons. And while it is nice to be kind to others and show charity, you don't owe every stranger simply because they might have had some thing to do with maintaining some aspect to society that helps you.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Just because something is ancient doesn't mean it's correct in principle. People have believed in ghosts and astronomy and omens since the dawn of time too.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

*We live in a society!*

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Amazing

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Honestly, I agree If you only look out for yourself then you go against what makes our species successful in the first place.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

The advice of "you don't owe anyone" really only applies to folks that tend to put everyone else in front of them. Problem is, it's usually only the selfish folks that use the phrase to justify what they're doing.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Completely agree with this. Everyone is entitled nowadays it's crazy but you also have to have boundaries. There's a balance

by Anonymous 1 year ago

>but you also have to have boundaries. "I don't owe people anything. I will play my music loud as hell." - Probably my neighbour

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I've always believed that you get out of relationships what you put in. People going in with the mentality of "I don't owe the people around me anything" will probably not get much back in return when they need/ask for it.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

>For example, at your job - you owe it to your employer to carry out the work that's expected of you and you are compensated for it. In relationships, unless otherwise, you agree to be loyal to your partner and to love them and take care of them, this is mutual. As a parent, raising a child is a lot of responsibility and you owe it to them to be a good parent because you agreed to have them and that is that. In friendships, you owe it to your friend to be a supportive being, with mutual respect and kindness. Those are all situations where you made an agreement with someone, or in the case of children you assumed a responsibility toward them. So you don't really owe them because "you owe people" but because you agreed to owe those particular people. Obviously all our lives will be better in general if we are nice to each other and help each other out from time to time, but it's not really a debt you owe. You'll just have a worse relationship with people if they know you're the guy who is never nice to anybody

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You owe people not to drive drunk without prior co tract, you owe people not to sexually harass them without prior contract, you owe people not to r*pe people without prior contract.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

And in the simplest, least extremist example, we do just owe it to others to be nice without a contract. Kindness should be the default, not something anyone has to "earn" from you.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

That's just leaving people alone

by Anonymous 1 year ago

which many many many people don't do. "live and let live? not if i have anything to say about it !" - most religious people. 😖🤦‍♀️

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yeah, you wouldn't say you owe it to people to leave them alone?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Not exactly, I think of owing people something as a positive obligation. I don't owe people the long list of things I shouldn't be doing to them

by Anonymous 1 year ago

People are signing contracts to do these things for tomorrow where are they doing that?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It's sad when this is an unpopular opinion

by Anonymous 1 year ago

when we have that healthy mindset of owing someone (mainly our parents), it is just a simple manifestation of feeling grateful to people, events and things. thank you for letting these good inspiring words out there. it is the responsibility of value-oriented intellectuals to speak out, on matters that either build or destroy the fabric of our society and humanity.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

What you listed are legitimate reasons to owe someone. But mostly this comes in a different way. Like a woman owes sex to a guy just because he paid the bill. Children owe their parents to take care of them in old age even though they were abusive or disowned you because of something they disapproved of. In above cases, you don't owe anything.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Even if you had great parents you shouldn't be expected to take care of them when they age... You have your own family/home/career. You shouldn't expect to live with your kids when your older or have them take care of you.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I hate when people who hurt you say, " I'm not responsible for your emotions." Especially in relationships.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

In the early 2000s every time I was going through a breakup the old refrain was "you don't owe him anything." It seemed so sociopathic. Like if I've lost my attraction to someone I'm still going to explain that in a kind way. Or if I was the one being broken up with, a friend would say "he doesn't owe you anything." Okay so a man can just act like a complete psycho and then walk away without having to reckon with his behavior? I just think this attitude breeds horrible people who have no sense of responsibility. We all owe each other a lot, no need to pretend otherwise unless you are incredibly lazy and are okay with being known as unreliable/okay with making innocent people miserable for your own comfort.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

The concept of "green lighting" comes to mind when talking about social responsibility. Green lighting is when an authority figure does a questionable behavior, setting the standard for others to emulate. The example I was given was a teacher making fun of a gay student, which in turn, green lights the hazing and abuse of the student by his peers. Nobody lives in a vacuum. Your actions have far reaching consequences

by Anonymous 1 year ago

As a member of a wider society and the human race, you do owe it to those around you, to be civilised, courteous, decent, supportive and helpful to those in need. To say anything else is to display extreme selfishness and promote a destructive and toxic narrative that can only lead to the rise of evil and eventual demise of your culture and the people around you… these people should be shamed.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yep. It's definitely a 2-way street!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I guess I interpret the saying different. Owing someone is being in debt to someone which some would also call enslavement. Not owing anyone anything means that you are not indebted to people, no one owns you just because they helped you in some ways. You are still your own person and can be on your own path and don't need the approval of others to make your decisions. For example, if your parents give you the down payment for your house, that doesn't mean later you can't go on a career path that they disagree with.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This is also how I understand it, but my parents probably disagree with us :D

by Anonymous 1 year ago

A nice way to get into "What we owe to each other" by T.M. Scanlon.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Chidi?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

The Buddhists believe that there is no Chidi. Maybe Chidi is just a way for the wave to be, before it fades back into the ocean. -whooshes away-

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I completely agree. This shouldn't be controversial.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I agree with you. All Good points.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I think I agree, but there's an important distinction between reasonable expectations of others, and officially being "owed" something from other.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I agree. We owe each other civility, and politeness. Common courtesy, decency, respect, dignity.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Only if people.accept they owe me too.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This is so well-put -- and I couldn't agree more with your points. Thank you--

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I think you've misunderstood the intention of "you don't owe anyone anything". Obviously if you've agreed to certain commitments, you have responsibilities around that agreement. I don't think anybody's trying to argue the contrary. The examples you listed off (employment, relationships, parenthood, friendship) are all examples of a time in which a person commits themselves to owing something to somebody. I think the saying is more intended to be used in the context of helping people who have no direct connection to you. for example, homeless people with cardboard signs asking for money. They're just there. they aren't offering anything of value, they aren't contributing in any way, and I have not made any commitment to provide them with anything of value. I do not owe them anything.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Exactly. I think the OP has taken the phrase too literally and is arguing semantics.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I agree 100%. I believe I owe strangers the benefit of the doubt. I owe strangers basic respect of their body, mind, and dignity to the best of my ability. I think a lot of people get tripped up in the idea that if you owe someone, then they must owe you back- or you're paying back some sort of inherent debt, or something like that. I don't think so- I'd rather have strangers also give me the benefit of the doubt, etc etc but I will always extend these basic human rights by default, even if they aren't reciprocal. I suppose a better word I'd use is trust. Which exposes how horribly optimistic my whole viewpoint is. I hope I can stand by my optimism as long as I can, lol

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You didn't teach yourself math, or to read (most likely), history, etc. The myth of the self-made man is the downfall of civilization.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I think this can be simplified to say we only "owe" people we have some sort of relationship with. Beyond that we don't owe anyone anything. Then there is social agreement, which includes things like don't drive drunk, basic manners, etc. Beyond that, nothing.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

>there is social agreement, which includes things like don't drive drunk, basic manners, etc. Beyond that So OP is right.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Personally I don't see that social agreements as owing. I don't see it as I owe others to not drink and drive. It's just common sense and involves legality. I don't owe people basic good manners. It's just common courtesy. I suppose you can take it as owing people. I don't view it as owing.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It is owing. In that you know you gotta do it without people even asking that of you

by Anonymous 1 year ago

As I said, I don't see it as owing. You have your opinion and I have mine.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Like I said, it IS owing. You literally can't go around doing whatever you want. You OWE it to society to behave a certain way. And no one has to ask that.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Nah I don't really owe my parents much when everything I learned about being an adult (except for driving a car) I learned from Google or friends. Sure, they provided financially but that's about it. So no, I don't really owe them anything except maybe a pittance, split with my sibling, if they end up in a nursing home.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I'm beginning to regret my unserious reasons I listed in cases where you don't owe people. What I meant was that you don't owe the wrong people, and that you don't owe favors to people if you're not willing - but you do owe it to people/your community, to be a civil and respectful, functioning person of society.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Absolutely, 100%. And I also owe it to the people in my life now, such as my coworkers, my boss, the people I volunteer with, my friends who have stuck it out with me, to do the healing I need to do to be a good person for them, and NOT the holy terror I have been in the past because I never learned any other way. Peace! ✌️

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yes! Bless you

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Nah

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You have to be an insanely isolated nerd to think it's possible to go through life without leaning on your social bonds. Sometimes it's good to babysit for free or something like that without expectation of an immediate reward I'm sorry!!!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

No I won\'t babysit my bully\'s kids. There is no village especially for her.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Not even close to what i said but go with God

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I don\'t believe in whatever god. Sorry not sorry.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Pretty sure whenever this is said, there is context and they mean it in that particular context, not literally anyone and anything.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I owe my parents, because even beyond raising me they've been an incredible help and are incredible people. I owe my wife because she has made me a better person and given me my life back. I don't owe anyone else.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Why do I owe anyone anything if no one has really done anything for me?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

OP, what should be an unpopular opinion is people taking phrases too literally. People usually say this in the context of their *life goals*

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Hell no

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I see that saying as you don't owe anyone anything but what you do with your actions is what differentiates you from being a good person or not. For example, holding the door for a stranger behind you. You don't owe that person to hold the door for them, but if you hold the door for them that makes you a better person, but if you just let the door shut on their face then you're an a**hole. So it's all about choices. But it also depends on context, that saying can be interpreted differently in other situations.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

i completely agree

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yes there is a social contract that we take part in, but the saying "no one owes you anything" just means don't expect people to do things for u or expect positive things to just fall in ur lap. You have to help yourself and do the work. No one owes you anything.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I think they mean it as in you can't just show up on my doorstep and expect help. If I choose to help you then I am doing you a favour.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I think its just the expression "you don't owe anyone anything" is shortened for easy use. There's people in the world who you owe something to like family and close friends. You also can't take a bank loan and say I don't owe the bank 300 grand. It's just easier to say don't owe anyone anything than 'don't owe anyone anything except my parents, friends, my legal commitments, etc" haha. The expression isn't meant to be taken literal. But applies to 99.9% of people you meet..

by Anonymous 1 year ago

You MIGHT owe to SOME PEOPLE and not always the ones expected. I DO OWE to friends who supported me in difficult moments of my life. I owe my regreted father, I owe my lovely children, I owe my ex wife. I owe nothing to my narcissist mom who has rotten my life and I just wait for her to pass away (with a little impatience, I hav to admit) so my life REALLY starts, at 50 years.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Respect is enough I don't need to hang off anyone's cock just maybe open A door for someone with coffee

by Anonymous 1 year ago

20dollars more or less

by Anonymous 1 year ago

If any exchange is to be equal, yes each party owes the other. But nothing requires anyone to it "just because"

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I don't think, after reading it, that it's an unpopular opinion. The title would imply you owe people you don't know, maybe everyone

by Anonymous 1 year ago

The title was for some cheeky fun and to pull those curious

by Anonymous 1 year ago

So do I owe my father for beating up me as a vulnerable child? Now im around 6 feet and he is around 5 feet. One punch!

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Atomised individuals are easier to monetise and manipulate. Separate a person, alienate them from their peers. Sell them ideas and items to fill the unfillable void

by Anonymous 1 year ago

>For example, at your job - you owe it to your employer to carry out the work that's expected of you and you are compensated for it. No, that is a contract which you've voluntarily entered into. You work for your employer, your employer provides you with pay and maybe benefits. >In relationships, unless otherwise, you agree to be loyal to your partner and to love them and take care of them, this is mutual. Again, this is another voluntary arrangement, a reciprocal (hopefully) pairing where you improve each other's lives. >As a parent, raising a child is a lot of responsibility and you owe it to them to be a good parent because you agreed to have them and that is that. And this, again, is a *voluntary* arrangement. If you don't want to be a parent, then don't get pregnant, or get your partner pregnant, or surrender the child for adoption, if you find yourself in a condition where you can't avoid it. >In friendships, you owe it to your friend to be a supportive being, with mutual respect and kindness. Friendships, too, are voluntary. You seem to have a very strange way of looking at the situations in which you find yourself, and believe that your choices having consequences is some kind of obligation. It's not, it's what you have chosen. So what I want to ask you is why **I** should be responsible for **YOUR** choices? If you have children which you can't afford to feed, why do I have to pay to feed them? Why is poor planning on your part an emergency for me?

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Your examples are mutual benefit. I can decide to leave the company at any moment, just as they can fire me at any moment.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yes agreed, but as is being a contributing and respectful civilian to your community is mutual benefit - because everyone else is doing the same and helping you be safe and well too. Just like anyone can one day go off the rails and be a menace to society. We owe it to each other to be functioning and respectable. We owe kindness.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I don't think "owe" is the right word here. Nobody asked to be born, so nothing should be owed, not even your existence. However, it's probably in your best interest to find a community you can contribute to if you do intend to make the most of this life

by Anonymous 1 year ago

I don't understand the sentiment "Nobody asked to be born." Of course not. This is more obvious than my unpopular opinion. And yet even still, if you did or didn't ask you need to contribute to society either way, the same society in which hopefully provided you with a safe and responsible community to grow up in. It's what you owe to everyone else so that you can reap the same benefits too.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

But as i'm sure you're aware, not everyone grew up in a safe or responsible environment. Some people endure a lifetime of suffering. In that situation, do those people owe their community the same poor treatment as they were shown? I think that's a slippery slope. Logically, if we're speaking in principle, circumstance shouldn't alter its application

by Anonymous 1 year ago

The only persons or people I owe anything to are my immediate family. Everyone else can kick rocks. Nobody has done more for me than my family.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

"They don't owe you anything" mfs crying when THEY want closure or are cheated out in a situation.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

It can be cathartic to say sometimes but you're right, we do rely on others a lot even when we think we aren't.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

This is true my parents always tell me how much money they spent on having me which is why I don't get Christmas or bday gifts. And a ton of dead people owe me money, them being dead is not related to the money they just never paid me back.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Yeah, I'd agree. But I've paid my debts. It's good to feel free.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

The only thing we owe anyone is to be a decent human being. Sadly, most people are in arrears.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

That's a good point that you made. I think this is mainly aimed at people who feel like the world owes them everything, and refuse to put any work in to get it.

by Anonymous 1 year ago

Parents owe their children a secure home life.

by Anonymous 1 year ago