+24 Refusing a gift is super rude, amirite?

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Depends entirely on context. If someone tried to give me a gift at work, it would be an immediate and hard decline. I am a public official and that's a bribe. I've had to turn down a couple such gifts. The giver's hurt feelings are irrelevant to me there, i have ethical obligations and the cost of ignoring them would be my job. Personally, I've declined gifts because it was obvious it came with strings attached and I didn't want to be beholden to the giver. Or because even when the gift maybe didn't have strings attached, it was wildly inappropriate (such as my married boss giving me an expensive gift after flirting with me). Or an ex giving me a gift after we broke up. In these cases I don't care if it hurt them or it seemed rude, accepting would have been an encouragement and boundaries had to be set. But like if a friend gave me a gift I didn't like? Say thanks and re-gift, it's fine.

by AdHot 2 months ago

A gift is a responsibility and a burden on any day except of my birthday or Christmas. I will not let myself get invited to eat a restaurant either. If someone insists, i WILL invite them back. I hate gifts. But i like giving them.

by kglover 2 months ago

I will not let myself get invited to eat a restaurant either. What? Why not?

by Beeralessandra 2 months ago

That's true. However, I've found that, annoyingly, the stress sometimes comes regardless of the logic. The "how do you want to split this?" line is actually super helpful, I'll remember that one

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Not saying you're like this or that there is anything wrong with you, but I have a friend who over gives but is so anxious and insecure that she NEVER accepts anything from anyone else. And it sucks because... me and her other friends love her and want to be there for her, but it's like she thinks she isn't worth it or something. So she overspends on everyone and refuses any kind of gifts or help. Sometimes, your friends just want to show you they appreciate you, no strings attached.

by Beeralessandra 2 months ago

You're under no obligation to take anything from someone, gift or otherwise. It's a boundary, you're not rude for setting boundaries, if you can't respect someone's boundaries, you're the rude one.

by brittany68 2 months ago

Boundaries are to protect yourself. I don't understand why someone would refuse a gift from a friend or family member.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Boundaries aren't just to protect yourself, they can be to let others know what is or isn't acceptable to you, in any given situation. If I say I don't want someone cussing around me, that's not necessarily to protect me from anything, that is just something I find unacceptable and don't wish to have that boundary crossed. As far as someone not accepting a gift, there could be several reasons, you don't want it, need it, will never use it, etc.

by brittany68 2 months ago

Because for many people those gifts come with unspoken obligations to reciprocate, or used as guilt trips and thrown in your face later when asked for something. Not always of course, but it's not uncommon. Like with the hugging. No one is obligation to accept someone's expression of affection or love if they don't want to. It can be rejection, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. It's totally fine to reject affection that you don't want or that makes you uncomfortable.

by Vicentagrady 2 months ago

Maybe they don't like them and want to hold true to that. If there's a family member I'm not close with I ain't accepting anything because I don't want them to think we are closer than we are.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Yeah I kinda agree, in most contexts. I just accept the gift, since THEY decided to give it of their own agency. I also don't feel any guilt about not getting someone a gift if they got me one. Just because someone chose to get you a gift, I don't believe there is any obligation to get them one back.

by Beeralessandra 2 months ago

If it were truly a gift given out of kindness with no expectations, I'd agree. The problem is that it's rarely that way. If it's a gift for a holiday, you have to get them a gift of equal value in a timely manner. If it's not a holiday, you have to not only say thanks, but also write a thank-you note in a lot of situations. And unless the gift is cash or a specific thing I asked for, it's usually honestly not worth the effort it would take to write the note. Also, with office birthday gifts where everyone contributes $10, you literally just give back that cash to everyone throughout the year on their birthdays. All this leads me to the conclusion that gift-giving in any scenario where you would want to turn it down is functionally useless

by Anonymous 2 months ago

I kind of agree with you actually. Gifts shouldn't be given with obligation to return that's not a gift that's. A favor. I don't think people give gifts with the intention of wanting something in return though

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Doesn't matter if the intention was there. Once the first gift is given, you stand on uneven ground, and the receiver can often feel duty-bound to return the gift.

by Anonymous 2 months ago

Sometimes, it's about setting boundaries and honoring your own needs, not rudeness.

by Anonymous 2 months ago