I do not care if you ended on good terms: You are strange if you turn an ex into a friend. amirite?

Seems to work just fine for me. I'm still friends with a GF i had over 20yrs ago.

by Anonymous 10 months ago

Friendzone only is a thing if you never got with them in the first place. Mature people who mutually determine they are not totally right for each other and seperate before any resentment builds is a good thing. I've done it and it feels much better than the relationship that burned to the ground. It is so much healthier

by Anonymous 10 months ago

Hmmm, okay I get that!

by Anonymous 10 months ago

The coping part is real though. Some people need to let that person go. People also can struggle with being alone so keeping that former lover as a friend can be problematic. Old feelings can and sometimes do resurface and that's where the friends with an ex can turn into FWB or another try at a relationship. I think more about what can come down the pipeline.

by Anonymous 10 months ago

Totally agree that you need to let that person go, but that doesn't mean you have to cut them out of your life. If you need to totally remove a person from your life in order to move on from them, I think that speaks more to an issue within yourself. Honestly, it just sounds like you struggle to move on and are projecting this onto others to make yourself feel better about it.

by Anonymous 10 months ago

You are waaaaay overthinking things.

by Anonymous 10 months ago

The twisting of my words is the issue here: Friends are not at all a demotion, babe. I agree that friends & partners aren't a better or worse version of each other. Definitely agree. But you see when you end the intimate relationship, being friends with an ex is a step down. You can be compatible friends and incompatible partners. However, I don't think the friendship can be genuine once you've crossed that path of sex, intimacy, commitment, emotional investment, intensity… It's like no. It just isn't the same.

by Anonymous 10 months ago

He likes to accuse someone of that whenever someone reads his words in a way he doesn't like.

by leoneschaefer 10 months ago

So quote me then.

by Anonymous 10 months ago

Sure 1) Going from Lovers to friend is a literal demotion. That is the True Friendzone. Here I'll even bold it for you 1) Going from Lovers to friend is a literal demotion. That is the True Friendzone.

by Anonymous 10 months ago

Relationships are deeper than sex. It's the intimacy and the emotional themes that really sets it apart from just sex. Idk what definitions others may have for what constitutes a relationship but it is at a higher octave than sex. One can have sex and not have emotions for the person.

by Anonymous 10 months ago

But why does any of that translate to now having to cut all contact with an ex? Or that you are now incapable of friendship with them?

by Xrolfson 10 months ago

What's the endgame of converting an ex to a friend? The only emotionally responsible thing to do in a failed relationship is to move on. I think people aren't comfortable with letting things go. Cutting all contact with an ex isn't as extreme as others make it out to be but let's not pretend that staying in contact with an ex is fundamentally beneficial. It isn't. There's something selfish about it, I can't put my finger on it but it's like… You already got intimacy, partnership, sex, emotional availability from the person? What more could you need? What's the endgame?

by Anonymous 10 months ago

I think that whole scenario is full of proximity issues. I have a fixed mindset where I don't date people who are my friends. For me: Once i tag you as my friend, that's it, you're my friend and that's the role. It never occurred to me to take a friendship and move it in a sexual or romantic context bc that can cause friction and unnecessary tension in future scenarios. Especially if we share friends! It can be covertly restrictive. I guess I'd want a clean slate as opposed to reverting.

by Anonymous 10 months ago

you're Gassssslightttinnggggggggggggg🤣🤣 I think holding onto a failed relationship under the label "friend" is hoarding someone. Having a friend is a different story entirely. Let's not be presumptuous. I have friends from all gender expressions lolz. If you feel called out, that's another thing. But please don't twist my words. That's wild

by Anonymous 10 months ago

Nah, you just don't want to admit your issues. But that's cool. Though projecting is such a cute generic defense. I'm disagreeing with your entire thesis. It's not an unhealed wound to remain friends with your ex. The fact you've never managed it is just a you thing.

by leoneschaefer 10 months ago

You are generally right I would say but I am now good friends with my first girlfriend of 8 years ago , simply because we are volunteering at the some sports club and that relationship certainly didn't end on good terms in the slightest haha - maybe there's a difference in wanting to stay friends which wasn't the case and rekindling without any intention years later

by Anonymous 10 months ago

You hit the nail on the head with points 1 & 2 and that's what i'm really trying to highlight. Either these people had some false ass relationships or they're in denial about how they really feel. People have limerence and don't know it and it shows by all these inverse relationship patterns.

by Anonymous 10 months ago

I think there are specific instances where it can work, but yeah, 9/10 it's best to leave the past in the past

by Arlo89 10 months ago

I dunno. I used to like quick easily accessible sex where I don't really even have to learn them and what they like. Plus something about somebody kind of desperate to share some infancy with me has been cool

by Anonymous 10 months ago